fifteen yr old BIL has run away and wants to live with US?!

[bumMum]

I have a teenager problem so I thought I would appeal to parents of older kids here..

my partners little bro is 15 and has decided to run away from home and live here!!!
the whole reason being that he can't have his girlfriend sleep over..
he says it is unfair because his older brothers were all allowed this.. altho MIL wont say it, I think the reason she changed the rules is cos we got pregnant, which I guess is totally fair enough.

we aren't letting him move in.. we spoke to MIL and she says she is furious but at this time she feels little bro can stay with us until he cools down.. if we are o.k. with it. I dunno if she is going to involve the police if he refuses to go home, but he can't really stay here a long time as our house is pretty much in the process of being completely re done and it's hard enough for us, let alone a moody teenager. anyway I don't think MIL will be very happy if we encourage him to stay she is bloody angry as it is. He is being a general pain in the butt right now.. even to us.. wont talk much and sulks around.. and talks on the phone to his girlfriend for hours and hours at a time on our phone and he keeeps sleeping in even when I try to wake him up.. and then I end up driving him all the way to his school which is a mile away.. I'm even writing him late notes! um.. what is wrong with this picture? DS doesnt want him moving in with older ppl etc who will use him up and he will get into drugs and drinking etc.. but I really can't deal with extra ppl!!!


I told him he will get expelled.. his brothers went to that school and my DP in particular will not soon be forgotten ha ha so they won't go easy on him.. but I think he just wants to leave school and do his own thing.

[daemynsmum]

every few months this happens to me and DH with my little brother eho will be 16 in a few days thank god!
the best thing we have found is being hard on him. you know making him get a job (or at least be on his case about looking or goig back to school)making him pay board helping out with household chores ect.
maybe sit down with your mil and him and act as a mediator.
talk to him about what he wants to do with his life and help him find the options to.
if you dont want him to stay with you then dont make it easy for him to be there, your not his mum, if he wants to sleep in let him be late for school and dont write him a late note
or alternatively go in and throw cold water over him (worked a treat on my lil bro)
i dont know if any of this helps and im a rather mean big sister with no time on my hands for moody teens. my bro knows when he comes what he is in for because we have a 3yo DH works 6 days a week 12 hr days and i have 2 jobs and am studying both tafe and uni. add to that we are ttc and it just doesnt make it easy on him. he soon realises how good he has it with mum and goes back.
sorry for the rant i guess needed to get some stuff of my chest but basically dont make it easy for him he'l soon go back to his mum

[Imsooverit]

I have to agree with daemynsmum.

Just make life at your house a little less comfortable for him.

Let him know that too many things are going on and the girlfriend can't stay the night (ie renovations, your young child etc).
Make him get a part time job and contribute to the house (he'll not like parting with cash).
Make him be responsible for certain chores around the house (rubbish/washing up/ packing dish washer/ make him do his own laundry).
Make him responsible to get himself up and ready for school in time (don't give in and drive him either). A few late days and he'll start being responsible for himself - and DON'T let him stay home if he is late.
Make sure the TV/Computer goes off at 10.30pm so he's not up all night watching it/playing on it (take a cord from the back if you need to).

He'll realise things aren't as easy in the big bad world as he thinks. You're not his Mother, you don't have to act like it.

Good Luck!!! Let us know how things go.

[Boobycino]

I agree with the above!

IF he lives with you, its as an adult, as a house mate, not as a child, not as a dependant.

Give him a detailed list of expenses, including his share of rates, bills, phone etc. that should be enough on its own.

Absolutely, your not his mum, dont do anything for him - he does his own cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, he has to keep YOUR room in YOUR house that he happens to be sleeping in clean. If he doesn't, explain to him unlike his mum you wont nag, you'll just put all his stuff on the front lawn and take his keys.

I'd write up a contract so he knows exactly what he's in for.

Also, you poor thing. I remember being that young and being so entitled! I hope he realises he's better off with his mumma!

[bumMum]

thanks guys.
I think he is over running away already. his school made him go to meetings and see the school counselor and I think he has decided being rebellious is too much like hard work ha ha.
I remember being like him, but I was much more determined to prove how bad I was

His life at home is much more comfortable and I am not a very good chef and don't do his laundry so... I think he is gone for good woohoo!

I also didn't drive him to school the other day and he told me it took nearly an hour by bus and train.. poor thing

[Jakois]

Teenage boys are a tough gig.

I know this because I have a 14 year old and Jeez, I am pulling my hair out.

I am glad to hear he has decided to go back home, but be ready for the next time he comes knocking on the door.

At least he feels comfortable in coming to his family rather than running off to somewhere that may not be so safe.

I agree in not make it too comfortable for him to think that coming there would be a bludge, but be there for him enough for him to know that he has somewhere safe to go.

Now to sort out my terrible teen and his tendancy to nick off from school.

[Jennaisme]

Teenage boys are a tough gig.

I know this because I have a 14 year old and Jeez, I am pulling my hair out.

I am glad to hear he has decided to go back home, but be ready for the next time he comes knocking on the door.

At least he feels comfortable in coming to his family rather than running off to somewhere that may not be so safe.

I agree in not make it too comfortable for him to think that coming there would be a bludge, but be there for him enough for him to know that he has somewhere safe to go.

Now to sort out my terrible teen and his tendancy to nick off from school.

My mum said it was fine for me not to go to school, but I damn well better get a job cause no way in buggery was I allowed to bludge around her house for nothin.

It didn't work for me, but it might for him??