Am I ready to have a baby?

**StarTara** · 03-09-2009 12:13

Hi everyone,
I just need some advice as to when you know you are now reayd to have a baby. My hisband and I really do want a child, but I have been doing research about the best time to have a child and alot of articles say that women around my age (23) do have some regrets about travelling, careers and what not after the child is born.
Just wanting comments about your thoughts.
Thanks heaps xo

**BabelFish** · 03-09-2009 12:17

That's not something that can be quantified. It's absolutely impossible - IMPOSSIBLE - to understand how much a baby will change your life until you've had one. So even if you are sure you're ready, you might find out you weren't at all! Similarly, even if you think you're not even close to being ready and you have one, you might realise it's the best thing that ever happened to you and you're totally ready for it.

Plus, each baby is different and that makes a huge difference to how you cope with parenthood. Some babies are very easy and placid and that makes motherhood seem like a breeze. Some babies are really tough and that can be harder than you'll ever know to deal with.

If you're talking finances, house, belongings etc, then you can work that out with practicalities and research. But if you're talking emotionally ready - you either are, or you aren't. And it's very hard to put a proper quantifier on that.

**garfield13** · 03-09-2009 12:26

ITs hard to say, it really depends on what you want to do - re: finanaces, travel, job etc.
For us travel was never really a big things for us & for me a big career was not on my list. So as far as those two things they wont be regreats as they were never really wants.
On the other hand having finances, house and me being able to be a sahm were high on our list so we waited for these.
But then I had a friend (23 at the time) who was a month away from embarking on 2yrs travelling / working in the uk and found out she was pg to a very recent partner. She didn't go, and 7yrs later they are happily married with a 6 & 3yr and she couldnt be happier and doesnt feel like she has missed out on anything.

**sooz77** · 03-09-2009 12:39

It's really a very difficult thing to comment on for anyone but yourself.
I'm 32, married, have my own home, no debts aside from the mortgage and travelled a lot when I was in my 20's. On paper I should be financially and emotionally prepared for a baby but I still don't feel ready somedays.
Travel, owning your own home, having savings etc are great to do at your age but you can do all of those with a child if you want to.
Or you can always wait until you're family is grown up to travel. You'll still be in your 40's which is young enough to enjoy travelling.
When we went around Europe and South America we met so many people in their 40's, 50's and 60's who'd raised their families and now had the time and money to do what they wanted. My parents had never been beyond Europe when my dad retired in 1999 due to ill health but over the next 9 years they went to more places than I can count.

The point is, you're never really 'ready'. You'll always think you could have done more or saved more before you had a baby and if you do have one, well your life doesn't end, you can still do stuff, it just takes a bit more planning.

**smudge26** · 03-09-2009 12:41

I had those exact feelings at 24. I knew that I wanted children but didn't know if I was ready. My husband is 8 years older than me and desperately wanted to start trying for a baby so we decided to save some money and take a round the world trip, then I wouldn't feel like i'd missed out on travelling. It turned out that during our trip, in the toilets half way up the Empire State building I did a test and was pregnant already. We now have a gorgeous little boy and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. Although I didn't know if I was ready, as soon as he came along I realised that I had been ready for a long time. He completes our little family, and we can still do all the things we want to, just with our son as well which will make things even more fun.

**Amara** · 03-09-2009 13:24

If travelling or a career is what you really want then do that first. If having a bub is more important start trying.

There are no guarantees in life so if you do have a bub soon you may never get to travel. That might not bother you, but it may be a huge problem for you. It all depends on your finances after bub, some do manage to travel but others don't.

Same goes for a career. Working is so much harder when you have a little one & have to deal with child care, illness & later on after school care & school holidays which are seemingly never ending.

I travelled & had a career before I decided I was ready to have a child. I was 28 at the time & happily married. It then took 14 years from that decision til I actually held one in my arms, so that's another variable you need to take into consideration with your decision making.

If you have a real want to travel overseas do it before having children. Lots of reasons for that but one of them is that if you do happen to split with their father (and most of us never really expect that to happen to us) you may have huge issues getting passports for them and/or getting him to allow you to take them out of the country for a holiday.

**goldencrumble** · 03-09-2009 13:48

Everyone is different. Whilst all our friends were getting married and having babies, we were living overseas and spending all our time travelling extensively through Europe and the USA.

We have since moved back to Australia and it took us a good year to settle back into a routine here. And now we feel that we are in the right place to make that big step for a baby.

For us, its travel not career that is out passion, and I plan on continuing our travel after having a baby as well.

**misho** · 03-09-2009 16:02

Thats up to you to decide...

Im 33.. got married at 32 and now pg with baby no 1. I travelled alot during my 20s and feel like I have no regrets with doing this rather than settling down earlier.
My sister on the other hand was married at 22 and had twins at 26. She used to get a bit jealous a few years back but definitely wouldnt trade her kids in for all the travelling in the world,... and as their aunt neither would I!

I must say though that although the travelling was fun.. it woudl be nice to be a younger mum (not that im old).

I wouldnt change anything for me.. Life is what you make of it and you do whats right for you.
There's nothing to say that you, hubbie and baby cant travel together in the future or go work overseas for a while if you have the opportunity.

**chicken and eggs mum** · 03-09-2009 17:16

As everyone else has said you need to work our what your priorities are first before making any decisions... AND once the decision is made, there has to be no regrets about it...

I dont think that if travel is your passion then having children will hamper this... carer, maybe... as childcare, illness and everything has to be taken in to account.... BUT again, no regrets once the decision has been made....

PERSONALLY for me my priorities were at frist travelling - which I started in my gap year after year 12 - I was planning on coming back to uni after one year, but never happened... my priorities changed when i was overseas and i realised how important family was to me... I came back to aus, met the man of my dreams, got married and am due in 6 weeks with our first.... and i am only 24......

I suppose career for me just isnt as important... I did graduate and am qualified for my job... and although I love it, raising a happy family and having a loving household is now my priority.... something i DONT REGRET..... not for a second......

sorry for the

Just work out what yours (and your partners) priorities are and go from there... sometimes though there is never a right time for anything (babies, travel, career........!!!) Who knows what is just around the corner!!

**BabelFish** · 03-09-2009 17:51

That's the only thing I do regret - that I wasted my 20s married to the wrong man and didn't spend it travelling when I should have.

But then, I'm kind of someone who only ever does what I want to do (not such a good thing sometimes) and so I guess if travel was that important to me back then I would have done it then.

Now that I'm nearly 35 and have my second baby on the way, travel is going to be one of those things I do with a husband and kids, which is fine by me! I'm a bit of a homebody anyway so travel for us will consist of holidays overseas rather than extended trips. It's more expensive that way, but you gotta play your cards how they're dealt!