Routine for a 9 year old..

[jenn09]

This is probably going to sound funny but I really need help in getting my DD into a new routine.

She had a really good one up untill she started school, but now its gone all out the window.

My DD is a very emotional child and extreemly hard to figure out sometimes. She has had 3, what the Drs explain as panick attacks in the last 5 months and Im finding her stressing about things that she really shouldnt be. I have her in counselling and Im carefully watching what she eats and is expossed to, but Im thinking that some sort of routine may also help. Because tbh I have no idea what else i can do to help her. Ive quit my job this week, still at uni though, so I can focus more energy into makeing this easier for her. I really dont know what else I can do and being a single mum its all up to me.

So here is my question...

Does anyone have anything that works for an older child?? I remember some things from when she was little, and have just started a sticker chart again (which she loves) for bed time, its gotten her into bed but we still havent gotten through a whole night in bed yet *fingers crossed*

Im looking for anything at all no matter how little it may seem, I would really aprecitae any ideas at all.

Thanks
Jenn

[Just Add Water]

Hi there

We have a 9 year old who gets stressed easily too It's taken a lot of work but we're almost at a point where he has stopped stuttering altogether (which he does when he's upset or anxious).

Things that we have tried and that have worked for us:

Given him set tasks to complete each morning and each afternoon. ie in the morning he has to get dressed for school, pack his bag, take care of the cats litterbox, make his bed.

In the afternoon he has to come home from school, have a snack (he knows what he can have and what he can't have), complete his homework and then he is free to do what he wants.

We get a lot of "Can I have this to eat?" and "What can I do now?"... it's very frustrating. We have talked with him several times about it and he now understands that if he asks for something that he already knows he can just get for himself (such as a piece or fruit or a yoghurt) then we will simply say "no" and he will miss out. It may sound harsh but it has worked and made him realise that he is capable of making those decisions for himself.

Other things that may work for you:

Write up a timetable of the morning and afternoon, break it up into 15 minute or 30 minute blocks, say 15 minutes for getting ready for school, 15 minutes to eat breakfast. We use time a lot in our house, 5.30 in the afternoon it is time for Master 9 to stop what he's doing and go and start showers. I will remind him of the time and then it's up to him to follow through.

The biggest thing we find is that by getting him involved he has become more involved if that makes sense. So by talking to him about what happens with the washing he is now more likely to put his washing out, put it away properly etc because he has an understanding that it simply doesn't just happen.

Have you had her allergy tested? We recently had Miss 6 tested and found out that she is allergic to sugar, honey, bananas, msg, preservative 210 & blue and yellow food colouring... it took a few weeks to detox (and we still struggle as she likes to get up early and look for the contraband lol) but we have noticed a marked improvement in her attitude. It has also helped Master 9 with his attitude.

Does she have a teacher that she can talk to, or perhaps a relative she's close to? Sometimes it's easier for kids to talk to someone that isn't their parent about something that might be bothering them. If not and you feel that she's holding something in then perhaps give her a "thought box" - a place where she can write things down and then can sit down with you once a week or however often and go through them together. Another thing we had with DS was a secret spot where he would leave notes and DH and I would check it each night. He would then look in the morning and if he saw the note was gone it was then up to him if he wanted to discuss it or not. Sometimes DH and I would discuss it anyway if we felt it worthwhile.

I think it's a very confusing time for kids, I remember having panic attacks myself at that age. They're not little kids any more but not big kids either.

Good luck with your little miss, it sounds like you truly have her best interest at heart - she's lucky to have such a devoted mum.

Please keep coming back here - there is loads of support on this website and there is usually someone who will help you.

Take Care.

[Ky]

I have two checklists on the back of our front door with our morning and afternoon routines. My kids find it really helpful as it not only reminds them what they have to do to get ready, but also gives them an idea of how close they are and with each item 'ticked' off the list, they are encouraged as they are making progress. It has also meant that I'm not nagging them or hurrying them along any more.

When it comes to bedtime, we have a strictly set time for bed (7:30pm) and we tuck them in with a particular ritual. With DD, we snuggle her into her mink blanket (upside down for some reason), tuck her toy horse under her arm, give her a hug and kiss and tell her we love her and something that we were proud of her doing that day. With DS it is similar except we have to tickle him as well - somehow, this helps him go to sleep

We tell the kids at 7:15pm that it is nearly bedtime and that we would like them to get their pjs on, brush their teeth, wash their faces, put their clothes in the laundry, uniforms ready for tomorrow and homework into their bags. Bcause it is the same every night, they have become very adept at getting this all done within the 15min time frame and they are in bed at 7:30pm on the dot!

Our afternoon routine includes things like ...

shoes off and onto the rack
change out of your uniform
lunchbox emptied and on the bench for washing
all notes, newsletters and merit cards to Mum
time for homework
ask Mum if there is anything you can do to help

We have a 'night about' roster with the kids for helping me prepare dinner and they both have their 'jobs' to do.

Afternoon tea is eaten whilst doing homework. The homework for the night is sectioned off into chunks and for finishing a 'chunk' part of the afternoon tea is allocated ie. 1/4 of a homework sheet equals half an apple sliced up, another 1/4 equals half a cup of cordial, another 1/4 equals the other half of the apple and the last 1/4 equals another half a cup of coridal with a biscuit. Considering my kids get a good hours homework each night (years 1 and 3 NSW), this system works for us. Oh, and don't worry ... the kids have access to water all through - the cordial is a special treat that's why it's rationed.