young and poor- i love it

[bumMum]

i want to ask what ppl think of teen parents?

I am (was) a teenage mother and belong to an amazing AMAZING support network for teenage parents. I am now 21 and so proud of my life and satisfied and to be honest.. seriously considering more children. I have many friends who are having baby after baby still in their late teens. the thing is.. I really believe we are fantastic. sometimes the media gives us a bad rap but the truth is we really are not toothless, welfare bludging any more than any other women.. we are just starting out right at the very very beginning. my grandmother says me and my partner remind her of her when she was young.. we are slowly making our way along.. many days it is very hard but I don't see what the big deal is. why is it that it seems to be considered that until u r virtually middle aged, middle class and have a successful career you could not POSSIBLY be ready to rear children?
I used to babysit for a very wealthy business woman and she never spent more than an hour a day with her children and always seemed very distracted and had very limited control over her kids and seemed to not really understand her children. I always used to wonder why on earth she had kids to begin with when she never had time to enjoy them.

Am I alone in thinking having kids young is great?

I should add in that I belong to a very good support network of friends and family.. which is another benefit of being young.. once a long time ago families were not so "nuclear" just mum dad and kids etc.. I can't understand how people raise their children without parents and brothers and sisters there to offer support. But because I am young I am not expected to do it all alone.. i don't think ANY mother should be doing it all alone

[Mathermy]

I think there are plenty of fantastic teen mothers around-no doubt about that!

Do I think the teenage years are an ideal age for child rearing, would I encourage it? Absolutely not. Childhood is wonderful, I have no idea why people are in such a rush! I would prefer my own daughter experience a childhood free of responsibilities and obligations, enjoy her youth and her freedom not to mention her education, learn about life and herself, build relationships with her peers..

I think there is an enormous amount of middle ground between teenage and middle age, i think social class has very little to do with it and many women are not interested in any formal "career", I think you only served to reiterate another silly stereotype by mentioning that, similarly there is for most people at least, plenty of distance between "middle age" and death so I'm quite sure most older parents will still get to enjoy their children.

I think you make an interesting point about the nuclear family, though you must realise that you are in a unique position to feel so secure and supported as a teenage mother-many many struggle for both emotional and financial support and to my knowledge statistics suggest poorer outcomes for teenage mothers with regards to education, career, finances etc.

Anyways, that's just my thoughts! Congratulations on making your situation a positive one

[misskittyfantastico]

I'm with Malol. Whilst I don't believe age has anything to do with parenting ability and I applaud teenage parents (there are some freakin' amazing hubbers who had their children very young) I would never encourage my son or daughter to start a family in their teens.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I was a teenage mother, my DD was one of the best tings that has ever happened to me. However it was not the best situation to be in.

I think teenage parents can do just as well at raising their children as older parents. However it is usually harder.

I didn't get much support, and my DD's father and I broke up when she was only one. So I often felt alone and I did struggle. One of the biggest issues when I fell pregnant was that I had the judgement of a 16 year old, and I fell pregnant to a guy who I thought was wonderful, but he wasn't. If I met him today, I would never go on a second date, let alone make babies with the guy.

I also wouldn't want my children to be teenage parents because they can study or travel or whatever else so much easier without children. I'm not saying those things can't be done, they can and I have done them.

There are benifits to being a young parent as well, like being able to relate more easily to your child and having lots of energy.

[Mathermy]

energy.

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Oops, just nodded off for a second there!
Energy? wots that?

[Lemonhead]

I also know a heap of great teenage mums! Many from this forum. I also know some amazing mums in their 30s...I guess it comes down to the person, not the age. I agree with Malol, I wouldn't ever suggest someone have kids at 16, 17 or whatever simply because I do feel like can limit you alot in terms of what you can do in regards to career, travelling, enjoying your youth etc (note, I said CAN, not WILL). I had my son at 19 and we were living out of home since we were 17 paying rent, working fulltime, I had to drop out of uni to pay the bills and while I see mostly pro's for having Lucas youngish and do not regret it for one second, I also remember that I canot just nip off to Bali like my other friends, I cant just decide at the last minute to go out on the town, buy that new dress because I have to save that money for nappies...all these things may seem selfish but thats what being a teenager is about, being able to be selfish before children arrive because once they are there you can never just think of yourself again.

I can't understand how people raise their children without parents and brothers and sisters there to offer support. But because I am young I am not expected to do it all alone.. i don't think ANY mother should be doing it all alone

See, Im the opposite. Im glad that we have done everything on our own, I feel satisfied because we dont rely on anyone except ourselves. We dont get money from mummy and daddy, endless babysitting services, a free roof over our heads, but I am SO glad we dont because I dont think I could sleep at night knowing that Im not even really doing it myself, but bludging off someone else.

[bumMum]

See, Im the opposite. Im glad that we have done everything on our own, I feel satisfied because we dont rely on anyone except ourselves. We dont get money from mummy and daddy, endless babysitting services, a free roof over our heads, but I am SO glad we dont because I dont think I could sleep at night knowing that Im not even really doing it myself, but bludging off someone else.[/QUOTE]

I think everyone raised good points as well! I just got home from work and was eager to see what people had to say. It is true about the fact that it can make things much harder which is a shame because if society was set up differently it wouldnt be that way. for instance, many of my friends were asked to leave high school before they wanted to and this sort of thing,and lost friends and even family due to the stigma. I am lucky. however, i didn't say i bludge! I work evenings, study during the day online and my partner works full time, often 12-14 hour days and we also live in our own place. my parents don't give us any money.. ever.. but I have never asked us. When I was referring to endless support I meant emotional more so than babysitting. although my mum and mum in law do babysit sometimes, it's much more about the way they have encouraged us. We see them 3-4 times a week for coffee or dinner and also, my mothers group is fantastic and we support each other a lot. I can see that being young is a fun time and good time to be selfish etc etc.. for me however, and my partner, our childhoods ended before our son came along. I agree, there is a long time between middle age and being a teenager.. sorry to stereotype older mothers as being "middle class" however it has often been my experience that older mothers I have met tend to make statements about the importance of financial security more.. having said that.. my mother was actually middle aged when she had me and we were fairly poor
well i learned a lot from your comments! thanks for biting back!
xo

[lealea79]

im 30 and have just had my first baby, and looking back now i think that being a teenage parent would have been easier then being this age. i think there is a lot more support out there for the teenagers, as where u get to 30 and people think that you should know what you are doing. yes teenagers may miss out on some parties and some freedom, but they can still go to school/uni/work. i really think they have more opportunities then say older people. im not going to encourage my son to have a baby young but definately wouldnt disapprove if he come home at 18 saying he was going to be a father.

[SweetSerenity]

I fell pregnant at 18 and had my son not long after I turned 19, and even though now I am so proud of where I am in life and the mother I am, I was most definitely not ready to become a mother at that age.

I struggled with PND for just over a year, was in an emotionally abusive relationship to only then leave and become a single mother for 2.5yrs which is NOT what I wanted for my life. Being on my own did make me grow up very quickly and I feel proud that I stood on my own two feet to creat a better life for my son and myself...but it's not a great situation for a 20 yr old to have to deal with

I believe my son was meant to be, he changed and shaped me into who I am today...but I don't believe I was in the right position to have a child at that point...I'm just thankful it has worked out for the best and that I did grow into being a loving caring good mummy to my beautiful boy

In saying that, I will never encourage my children to have children that young

Everyone's story is different

[mum_I'm_hungry]

I don't think badly of teenage parents. I don't know many personally, but over the past year have gotten to know our nanny better. She had her daughter very young and she is such an amazing mother -- I am constantly in awe of her!

I've been with my husband since we were 15 and 16 (am 35 now with an almost three-year-old and a 5.5 year old -- doing the middle class kids thing ) and often wonder if we'd had kids earlier, what things would have been like. Definitely, I would have had more energy! But what I always come back to is that we wouldn't have been able to afford the support our oldest has needed. Multiple sets of grommets (without years of waiting on the public system), developmental paeds, OT assessments, physio assessments, a psychologist... these things are expensive. Also, we would not have been able to afford to handpick the perfect school for her. Our son would have been just fine, as he doesn't have any of the same problems, but special needs can cost. I would have been able to ask my parents for the money we needed for the above, but I don't want to be in that position. I want us to be able to provide the things we need for our children

There's a lot to be said for financial security and making active choices about family planning, rather than reactive ones. But that doesn't mean young mothers can't be great mothers