how do you deal with social anxiety?

[emms]

Hi all,I have such a hard time being around people,so much so that I hardly have any friends,which I really hate.

My daughter has been invited to a b'day party tomorrow and I'm having a panic attack just thinking about being around a group of adults that I don't know.

Does anyone elese feel the same as me,or am I just weird?

I would love to hear some ways of being able to cope,because at the moment my life is just a nightmare,and I feel like I'm not really living life.

[meggie09]

i dont have panic attacks as such but feel very uncomfortable around people, i have trouble looking at people when i talk, run out of breath and have a tendancy to get words muddled.

[DoubleDelight]

I feel your pain :hug: :hug: I still have days where I cancel out because I can't bear the thought of walking into a room. Just remember if it does get too bad then you can leave for a little while. I found that if I know just one person then I can relax. I'm also honest with people about my anxiety.

[Mummita]

Hi, you poor thing. I suffer from a general anxiety disorder and I too get quite panicky about certain social situations. I did a CBT course and found that really helpful so perhaps do a search on the internet about CBT and how it could help you. You are def not wierd it is a very common problem. You could also look into a support group or a short course for social anxiety locally.

But for this upcoming party, some things I find helpful is to ask the host if she needs help as sometimes being busy provides a distraction. I'm always worried that no-one will want to talk to me but everyone wants to talk to the person carrying around the food! And the host is normally glad for some help with running the games or even cleaning up. Could your partner possibly go with you? Then you could have a safety net. Also I worry about running out of things to say or not being interesting enough so try asking parents about their kids - everyone loves to talk about their kids. also try to remember that it is not just up to you to keep the conversation going, a conversation is a 2 way street so if there is a lull in the flow it is not just up to you to help it start again. And lastly if you are really not feeling up to interacting with adults for whatever reason keep busy with the kids! Kids talk to everyone and always have more fun at parties than adults anyway. Good luck, I think you're fab for going!

[moofoo]

I'm in exactly the same boat.....I'm the well known ' no show', which only adds to more panic aghh I 'm trapped...locked in and yes.....now looking 4 another excuse and so on. I'm not as bad as I was,there was a stage where I couldn't check the post box (in fear someone outside would see me or try 2 talk 2me).the only things I've found to help is getting someone to go with me, or getting there earlier than everyone else.personally, the initial entering is the most frightening.everyone looks as someone enters so, If ur the first you have the upper hand.that's just my thoughts anyway.

I also listen to music to amp myself and focus on something I am looking forward 2.I also force myself to do lil things,walks,say something extra to a cashier rather than thanks and take off.it's gotten easier and every so often I surprise myself and don't even bat an eyelid when something comes up.

Just think ' You'll be fine at the party', nobody can predict conversations so everyone is in the same boat.get someone to call you whilst your there for that moment you'll be relaxed,if your really freakin out 'oh dear I have to go soon' easier when you have an out to stick it out!

[Laurens 1st]

Hello, I have social anxiety and panic attacks too. Most people just see it as shyness. But its much deeper than that. Its a real phobia and can be debilitating. I dont have friends, Im too scared to work and Ive lost every job Ive had to panic attacks. I cant even use the phone some days. Phone calls seem to give me alot of panic. My parents dont understand why I havnt kept a job and Im still unemployed at 24. My mothers always telling me I need friends. But sometimes I wonder what a friend is! I stumble on my words and can never get a sentence out the way I intended it to.
Ive just about given up on talking to the doctors/shrinks, because all they offer is medication and that just made me apathetic. I felt like a zombie.
So I took to going to 'shyness' or 'anxiety' meetings/groups. It was comforting knowing Im not alone.
I also started meditation which helps ALOT! At first I was very skeptical, but it took a few goes at listening to some 'guided meditation' cds to really get into it.
I think the key to being comfortable around others is to be comfortable with yourself, meaning accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Loving yourself is not a bad thing!

What helped me with panic attacks is telling yourself 'its just a panic attack it will pass' and 'nothing is ever as bad as I make it out to be'.
Keep running positive affirmations over in your head. Even if you dont believe it at first. They really do sink in after a while!

Im still trying to find some peace with my extreem shyness. But its a slow battle.

Im just terrified my unborn child will pick up on my shyness. I hope with the lil bits of optimism I have I can change this for my child.

I hope your still around here. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.