Did you know your child was autistic?

**ManekiNeko** · 10-07-2009 19:38

I ask because I have to have my DD assessed. I spoke with someone from Autism qld who suggested it was very important that I take her to a developemental paed. I always knew she was different to other kids but I just thought she was quirky now I'm actually pretty sad thinking this is a possibility. I don't know why I feel sad as she has not been diagnosed but I guess a part of me realises it explains alot of the things I didn't understand about her.

**Grizabella** · 10-07-2009 20:22

To be honest I didn't know. I took Brion to the paed due to behavioural issues. I was very ignorant when it came to autism and automatically thought of Rainman when I thought of autism.

Don't be sad - your daughter is still the same beautiful unique child, it's just your views that have changed. I find when I found out I mourned in a way. Not for him, but for my hopes and dreams for him. It is perfectly natural to do so.

But until you get a diagnosis, leave the stressing til a little later. Always to for that later on

**treasurehim** · 10-07-2009 20:40

Sorry I dont have children and cannot answer your question, but i wanted to add the following :

There is nothing to be worried about

Autistic children are amazing! Their talents are so fantastic, embrace them! I see autistic children every day and they always put a smile on my face. And their peers accept them like all the other kids, they don't even realise anything is out of the ordinary because all kids are different.

And if there are any challenges, then it is great that you will pick them up and be able to develop anything that needs attention.

**MyFourCubs** · 10-07-2009 20:55

Originally Posted by treasurehim

Sorry I dont have children and cannot answer your question, but i wanted to add the following :

There is nothing to be worried about

.

Hmmmm.... while I appreciate your positivity I will say in the nicest, possible way (I hope!) that that was a very unrealistic and faintly ignorant (I'm really sorry, I couldn't think of a better word!

) comment. I agree that autistic chidlren have wonderful traits and I would be the first to say that having an autistic child is certainly not the end of the world but I can also say first hand that there is stuff 'to worry about." Autism is not a bed of roses and while you see them everyday I also assume that you get to leave them there. having an ASD child 24/7 is a bit different. I adore my autistic son but it is hard work- emotionally, physically and financially. It is a huge diservice to say to somebody with a possible autistic child that there is "nothing to worry about."

To the OP- yes, I knew my ds had autism. It was very obvious from very early on but I ahd the benefit of him being a second child, if he were my first I would have had nothing to compare him too. I certainly wouldn't beat yourself up about not picking it up- many, many parents don't. There is every chance your dd does NOT ahve autism, just take it one step at a time, take her to the paed and see what comes of it. Cross fingers it's not ASD but even if it is there is loads of early intervention that can be done and the pp is right in that autistic children are gorgeous- they are just different and they take your life on a different route but not an altogether bad one. It's not easy but it is rewarding.

There is an ASD chat thread if you are after more support, ideas etc.

**Grizabella** · 10-07-2009 21:00

^ *nods* Brion is my eldest so I had no comparison. After having my second the differences are worlds apart! Would have known for sure if he had of been my second.

**ManekiNeko** · 10-07-2009 21:05

Oh I always knew she was different to other kids just thought she was eccentric. I just feel bad because I am pretty hard on her disciplin wise because I thought she was being difficult and sooky. As a baby she rarely laughed or cooed and didn't like me holding her which is the opposite to my 4 month old DS. I was feeling increasingly guilty I enjoy him as a baby more than DD when she was. Now thinking the things that irritated me about her could be something she can't help makes me feel like I should have cared more and not thought she was just "naughty".

**Grizabella** · 10-07-2009 21:07

Oh I know that feeling! What you just wrote is exactly how I felt about Brion, especially once Toran was born.

**ManekiNeko** · 11-07-2009 13:02

The more I look at her the more signs I see and it makes me feel stupid that I either didn't notice or put it down to her being selfish or naughty. A big one is that when I am telling her she did something wrong she will look down and cover her eyes with her hands and I would always move her hand and tell her to look at me when I'm speaking to her but she still keeps doing it. I just thought she was being difficult because in general when I ask her some things she won't look at me or answer me I actually have had to physically move her head to get her to look at me sometimes. I just feel like a huge insensitive jerk now and why could I not see things that were so obvious now.

**treasurehim** · 11-07-2009 18:47

Originally Posted by MyThreeCubs

Hmmmm.... while I appreciate your positivity I will say in the nicest, possible way (I hope!) that that was a very unrealistic and faintly ignorant (I'm really sorry, I couldn't think of a better word!

) comment. I agree that autistic chidlren have wonderful traits and I would be the first to say that having an autistic child is certainly not the end of the world but I can also say first hand that there is stuff 'to worry about." Autism is not a bed of roses and while you see them everyday I also assume that you get to leave them there. having an ASD child 24/7 is a bit different. I adore my autistic son but it is hard work- emotionally, physically and financially. It is a huge diservice to say to somebody with a possible autistic child that there is "nothing to worry about."

To the OP- yes, I knew my ds had autism. It was very obvious from very early on but I ahd the benefit of him being a second child, if he were my first I would have had nothing to compare him too. I certainly wouldn't beat yourself up about not picking it up- many, many parents don't. There is every chance your dd does NOT ahve autism, just take it one step at a time, take her to the paed and see what comes of it. Cross fingers it's not ASD but even if it is there is loads of early intervention that can be done and the pp is right in that autistic children are gorgeous- they are just different and they take your life on a different route but not an altogether bad one. It's not easy but it is rewarding.

There is an ASD chat thread if you are after more support, ideas etc.

Sorry I usually go to comment, and then delete it. I shouldnt have commented on something I don't know much about. I wanted to convey how great these kids are (when I see them).
I only see them for a few hours in the day.

I'll keep my nose where it belongs in the future

**MyFourCubs** · 11-07-2009 20:40

Originally Posted by tracyselena

The more I look at her the more signs I see and it makes me feel stupid that I either didn't notice or put it down to her being selfish or naughty. A big one is that when I am telling her she did something wrong she will look down and cover her eyes with her hands and I would always move her hand and tell her to look at me when I'm speaking to her but she still keeps doing it. I just thought she was being difficult because in general when I ask her some things she won't look at me or answer me I actually have had to physically move her head to get her to look at me sometimes. I just feel like a huge insensitive jerk now and why could I not see things that were so obvious now.

Please don't beat yourself up! Everything is better in hindsight. I too look back on things Alex did, right from a baby and it is very, very obvious that something was very wrong and so many things that scream autism but not being familiar with autism, I did not connect it. I knew there was something wrong- as I stated earlier- but I missed many very text book signs of autism that knowing what I do now, were like neon signs pointing to ASD. All you can do is do the best you can, NOW. You are a wonderful mum and your dd is very lucky to have you.

Originally Posted by treasurehim

Sorry I usually go to comment, and then delete it. I shouldnt have commented on something I don't know much about. I wanted to convey how great these kids are (when I see them).
I only see them for a few hours in the day.

I'll keep my nose where it belongs in the future

I'm really sorry if I sounded insulting. I DID get your sentiment and I appreciated it. Your enthusiasm is a wonderful thing. I just know that you can't tell a mum with an autistic child that everything will be fine because then on the absolutley awful days when you are not coping and it all seems like a nightmare you think, "what's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? It's not suppsoed to be this hard!" As I said earlier, it is certainly not ALL abd, there are wonderful things about having a special needs child and we learn so much from them and I think they make us better people. But you have to know the ugly side of it too and be prepared for it.

I did see where you were coming from- I imagine it would be like though when I think of Downs Syndrome children and they are so gorgeous and I know chidlren with Downs who are beautiful and loving and I think "why would people terminate a child with DS? They are so beautiful!" But at the end of the day I don't HAVE a child with DS, I don't know the bad that would inevitably come with the good, I don't see how tough it is. So I try and keep my mouth closed!

No need to stay out of forums though- I hope I didn't scare you off!