Foster child's effect on rest of family??

**battlecrumpet** · 05-07-2009 14:33

We're considering becoming foster parents when our little boy is a year or two older (he's 2 now). I think we'd only have one foster child at a time, who we'd like to be a year or two younger than our biological child (assuming it's open to us to make that choice!)
One big question in my mind is how bringing a succession of foster children into the family might affect my own little boy. Would it be positive or negative? Destabilising or good for him?
I'd love to hear from parents who have their own kid/s as well as foster kid/s, to find out how the foster child/ren affected your family's biological child/ren.
If that makes sense??
Thanks heaps!

**lostgirl** · 05-07-2009 20:48

Sent u a priv message!!!!

**jag5000** · 05-07-2009 21:24

to be quite honest.. I truly don't think it effected my DD much at all. She strangely never got terribly attached to any kids I had, but I was also lucky not to have too many problem kids. Just be sure you tell your agency your fears and that you don't want to look after any kids with issues that may be a problem (eg, violence, sexualised behaviour etc)

**Miss_N** · 05-07-2009 21:35

I dont have personal experience of this but have witnessed it as a teacher.

There are 4 girls and 2 boys that live with one foster mum in our town. This foster mum also has her own bio child who is the same age as ONE of the boys and so these boys are in the same class together.

The foster child had adhd and clearly needs a lot of attention and has higher needs. The bio child is clearly VERY jealous of the attention this child and the 5 other foster children get from his mother.

He regularly makes comments to other classmates that the foster child 'just lives at his house' and that his mum is 'NOT the foster childs mum - his mum is JUST looking after the foster child'

**Areca** · 05-07-2009 21:36

The only person I know that has been a foster carer with small kids of her own as well and her youngest was terribly affected by it. The girl they took in was just a bit younger than their youngest (I think she was around 5 at the time and they had three older kids..all a few years apart in spacing). This girl lived with them for 18 months. She came with a small backpack on her back and when she went back to her family 18 months later she took two truckloads worth of stuff with her. Every child in the family was affected, but the youngest was really upset by it all and they had to get her counselling to help her. for her it was like she'd lost a sister and no preparation they had done helped her deal with it. The mother of this girl has owned her wown pre-school's and day cares since I was a pre-schooler and is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to kids so I doubt that it came down to her not knowing how to prepare her kids. The youngest just became really attached and they couldn't stop that. They decided there and then they couldn't take on any more foster kids because it was going to destroy their youngest daughter.

**battlecrumpet** · 06-07-2009 08:17

I wonder if in qld *perhaps* it would be possible to ask to foster a child who isn't high-needs (well any more than the usual needs of any child who's been through traumatic experiences)...that might give us more time to devote to our own child as well as a foster child, so our own child wouldn't get as jealous.
However...the situation that double ace described is what scares me most I think, because I wouldn't know of any way to manage or prevent it happening. Especially because our little one has no siblings, and no cousins living locally, which would mean that a foster child would be really his only opportunity to form a strong bond with someone near his own agegroup in a family-like setting. And him being so young also.

Anyone else with experiences to share, positive or negative??

**kiki07** · 06-07-2009 10:45

I think it is a great thing that you thinking about these issues now! You are given some training and support, and because you are thinking of potential issues would be able to look at ways to support your child and other kids through the process.

I grew up with a number of foster children, and it was hard when kids left, more so with some kids than others. But as a kid i also knew that we were giving them a safe, happy space to live and grow in and skills to assist them in the next chapter of their story.

take care,

k

**Miss_N** · 06-07-2009 10:58

Battlecrumpet - as far as I am aware you are able to be VERY selective when it comes to the type of children you wish to care for. When I enquired with my locol non-govt agency they asked if I would prefer girls or boys and what age groups I would be able to care for. As a teacher in my tiny community I am lucky enough to know the children that would most likely come to me for respite care and so I chose only the ones I know I would be comfortable and confident in caring for.

I personally don't think ANY children in the foster family I mentioned the get the amount of attention they deserve or need! I don't see how they could with 6 foster children and one bio child. Perhaps that's something that people need to consider. if you were only fostering 1 or 2 children I feel that you would be able to cater for their needs better than if you were fostering 6! That's jmo tho!

**Areca** · 06-07-2009 14:02

Originally Posted by amy86

Battlecrumpet - as far as I am aware you are able to be VERY selective when it comes to the type of children you wish to care for.

Yep you can be but your selectiveness gets thrown out the window when there's no where else for the child to go. I know of a woman who asked to foster children no younger than three years because they had their own 10 week old DD at home....they ended up fostering a 9 week old baby because there was no where else for her to go.

**sockstealingpoltergeist** · 06-07-2009 14:09

They like you to foster children younger then your own anyway, however sometimes you have to be very firm with the agency because they are desperate for carers.