I am really bitter

**Baldie's Mum** · 30-06-2009 22:59

So i realise that its far too late to be up, but i keep having the same really stupid thought which leads to an argument that happens between me and myself!

My BIL is going out with this girl that has 2 children to her ex hubby. They have been going out for about 14 months, they live together and stuff and they are good for one another. Yes it sh*ts me that they are a happy family and me and Josh arent (but we should be, stupid infertility).

What i am essentially talking to myself about tonight is a comment i over heard my MIL say to a bunch of family members. She addressed BIL's GF's kids as her "grandchildren". Now this to me isnt right. They are not her grandchildren, nor will they ever be! They have grandparents already!!!

I know how wrong it sounds but i just want to say that to my MIL. I want to tell her that she isnt a grandmother yet. And until either BIL and the GF give her a grandchild or Me and Dh give her one, she stays grandchildless!

I am so bitter about this, considering this convo happened 2 weeks ago and i am still fuming about it!!!

eughhhh i am so wound up over stupid things these days! Bl00dy infertility, so not fun......

**sunnyflower** · 30-06-2009 23:02

**sockstealingpoltergeist** · 30-06-2009 23:06

Infertility does suck.

I really hope you get your BFP soon.

However I do disagree with you. I know you are hurting, but I think what your MIL said is lovely.

My DD is not my DH's and his mother makes it quite clear she is not her grandmother even though he has taken on the role of her father. I don't understand that. We are talking about children who deserve to be loved, by the more the merrier I say.

Don't worry when you have a child they will be the first grandchildren they will have experienced from birth and that will make it extra special.

**Baldie's Mum** · 30-06-2009 23:22

See i know i am being horrible. Thats the worst part about it! Eughhh sometimes i hate myself and my feelings so much. Grrrr

**sockstealingpoltergeist** · 30-06-2009 23:25

Don't worry we all have them. I do all the time. Oh and I'm not brave enough to post them on a forum.

**LilShenanigans** · 01-07-2009 00:01

Yeah it's not easy, though personally never been in exactly the same position... I know that sense of being peeved when logically you should be happy and delighted, but your still peeved as hell...
Messes with your head!

I don't think I have advice? Talk to your mum?

**kezzaskids** · 01-07-2009 00:29

I can so understand you and respect your feelings, however you should feel blessed that your MIL is such a lovely lady and when you do have a child he or she is going to be born into the best family in the world.
My MIL took on my 4 children from a previous marriage as her ''first grandchildren'' and she is the kindest most wonderful woman in the world as is your MIL. They are special people to be able to do that.
Hugs. I cant help your hurt xxxxxxx

**boysrgr8** · 01-07-2009 08:01

Originally Posted by Waiting for my Baldies

See i know i am being horrible. Thats the worst part about it! Eughhh sometimes i hate myself and my feelings so much. Grrrr

Your allowed to feel this way! Tantys are great to unleash the inner

I agree with the others, MIL is lovely to except the kids as hers.
I have a son from a previous relationship and my MIL loved him from the get go, FIL not so much. Since having a baby that is their bio GS I can see a little difference in how much they oggle over DS2.

It must be a stressful time for you so I send you a

or maybe 2

and hope you get a baldie soon.

**Oya** · 01-07-2009 08:27

Originally Posted by boysrg8

Your allowed to feel this way! Tantys are great to unleash the inner

I agree with the others, MIL is lovely to except the kids as hers.
I have a son from a previous relationship and my MIL loved him from the get go, FIL not so much. Since having a baby that is their bio GS I can see a little difference in how much they oggle over DS2.

It must be a stressful time for you so I send you a

or maybe 2 and hope you get a baldie soon.

**JaneyLacey** · 01-07-2009 10:07

Firstly, IF is HARD. I'd guess that you're more angry at the new GF bringing children into the family that your MIL likes. And you so wish it was you. That is so understandable and you have to be kind to yourself. When going through IF and watching everyone else falling pg at the drop of a hat, one of the hardest things is to not become bitter and consumed by the anger. It just eats you up and some days you find yourself in a hole that just seems to hard to climb out of. Why don't you focus on you or maybe think about it from the children's point of view - they may well be quite happy that they have been accepted quite readily. It probably gives them comfort. Some MIL's do say stay silly things and don't think (my experience with my MIL is a bit of a negative one anyway!)
You can't take it out on the kids and I'm sure you don't. So maybe have your own special relationship with them and wrap yourself in cotton wool. IF is just mental torture - you need to give yourself a break. All the very best to you.

PS Also don't doubt how much anger and sadness can be attacked with a work out. I'm a member of Contours and in a 30 minutes session, I can sweat out every stupid comment my MIL has made that week. It my therapy in a way!