Any advice would be GREEEEEEAT!

**Idonttrustjelly** · 24-06-2009 14:37

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**boysrgr8** · 24-06-2009 15:07

Nope, no advice to give SORRY. Just thought I would send a hug as I know how crazy and conflicting families can be.

**garfield13** · 24-06-2009 15:08

just wanted to give you hugs, I dont have advice, but wanted to offer support.

I haven't spoken with my father for a few years & I stopped talking to my mother about 8mths ago. Wont go into detail but on having dd the mistakes I knew she made as a mother just made me more upset and being around her just infuriated me. Dh has let her come and see ss as he feels bad, but not for a few months now. Dh would like me to speak to her for dd's sake but I just feel so much happier having the peace without her
She sends 'poor me' texts to dh and ive just over it
It would be nice if things were different but there not and I honestly think we are better off as we are now.

**MissSky** · 24-06-2009 15:13

Hey I couldnt read with some kind of reply

first

for your loss in the last 9 months.
second

for realising and attempting to deal with someone (regardless of them being a parent) that seems to be emotionally blackmailing you.

you said in your post that you suspect when you do go to see him that he will start the nagging process all over again, there is one main difference this time. You - you're so much stronger than you were before, you know what is healthy in a relationship and what isnt.

Is there anyway that when you go to visit maybe you can leave the kids at home? and just you go. You need to speak with him/them on your own, that you want to be there for them but in order for that to happen their behaviour of the past has to change. Make a list before you go ( I'm a big fan of lists for everything

) of the behaviour / comments that in the past have offended you, you dont have to show it to them, its more just for your memory of what you are not willing to accept anymore. You spoke about not knowing what you bounderies are - well that list is it, its what you know you are no longer willing to accept or a way you are no longer willing to be treated like.

and at the end of the day you cant accept responsibilty for either of parents action, if after explaining to them 'if you do this than I cant be apart of your life right now' they continue doing that action- they are adults they know the consquence that is their choice.

I hope for you and your little ones they have changed, and you're totally amazing to be able to forgive and try to move on ( its not called being soft!!) I hope it works out for you all