INSTEAD of smacking I...

**PeppaH** · 16-06-2009 22:38

Originally Posted by OopsieDaisy

I like to get to eye level and talk to my girls about what they are doing and why it isn't nice. I don't like yelling or smacking. The older ones have time out, it isn't to isolate them by no means, they have a sit down in the same room as me, it's more a moment for them to just take a calm breathe, have a drink and some quiet down time. Then we have a little chat and a hug and it is all done and dusted.

Yeah, you only keep them there for up to 5 minutes. Its like when you have an argument with your hubby, you take time out to calm down and take a breather.
When my son is old enough to understand though, I will deffetely be using more 'matured' disipline for the age. Growling (and I dont mean like a dog growl, I mean low pitched 'yell' so to speak) works for now because when I growl at him he pays attention and knows Im angry.

When he is older, I will start time out. Then I older again, I will make sure I explain to him why he got told off/time out/growled at. When hes in his teens I will mostly just take away something like a game console or internet rights etc.

**sweetsugardumplin'** · 16-06-2009 22:39

Young children are great imitators....your DS is probably smacking you because you smack him!

Simple!

**ButterflyMama** · 16-06-2009 22:40

I think you should have a read of Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, PeppaH.
I am not an idiot. I don't push my children away because they do something I don't approve. You think this teaches them to "behave" - I do not.

**PeppaH** · 16-06-2009 22:41

Originally Posted by sweetsugardumplin'

Young children are great imitators....your DS is probably smacking you because you smack him!

Simple!

I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.

**nothanksbye** · 16-06-2009 22:44

Originally Posted by PeppaH

I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.

Honestly my kids have never been hitters.

I have smacked DD twice

Never ever again.
But never DS and he has never hit.

**sweetsugardumplin'** · 16-06-2009 22:45

Originally Posted by PeppaH

I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.

Maybe you could stop smacking your DS and see if his behaviour changes.

**studyingECS** · 16-06-2009 22:45

You worked in childcare yes?

Surely you know of quite a few disciplinary methods?? that don't involve smacking.

Getting down to a child's level, explaining why there behaviour was inappropriate, if a child's acting out because there angry or upset acknowledging why they are and encouraging them to express that in ways that are appropriate etc.

**nothanksbye** · 16-06-2009 22:47

peppa..
a question and not a dig...just interested.

if your child gets bullied at school what will you teach him?
as hasnt he learnt that its ok for him to get hit?

Thats what worries me. If i hit them then I am teaching them that its ok for them to be hurt...iykwim?

So how do you teach them its not..if it is at home?

**PeppaH** · 16-06-2009 22:49

Originally Posted by Sabio

peppa..
a question and not a dig...just interested.

if your child gets bullied at school what will you teach him?
as hasnt he learnt that its ok for him to get hit?

Thats what worries me. If i hit them then I am teaching them that its ok for them to be hurt...iykwim?

So how do you teach them its not..if it is at home?

I dont think its the same thing though, child on child, adult on adult. This is his mother teaching him what he is not allowed to do. He wont even remember me smacking his hand a few times when he gets to school.
If he got bullied I would just tell him to stadn up for himself. I woudlnt tell him to hit the child. If he does, then so be it. I would tell him afterwards that probably wasnt the best way to deal with it though, but I would be proud of him for standing his ground.

**nothanksbye** · 16-06-2009 22:50

Originally Posted by PeppaH

I dont think its the same thing though, child on child, adult on adult. This is his mother teaching him what he is not allowed to do. He wont even remember me smacking his hand a few times when he gets to school.
If he got bullied I would just tell him to stadn up for himself. I woudlnt tell him to hit the child. If he does, then so be it. I would tell him afterwards that probably wasnt the best way to deal with it though, but I would be proud of him for standing his ground.

Thanks for answering.