When the age gap is large...

**Jensha** · 25-05-2009 21:42

For those who had there 2nd [or 3rd, 4th, 5th etc for that matter] when the youngest was a pre-teen, teen or adult did it feel like you was a first time mother? Being so long since being pregnant and having a baby/toddler/young child etc.
What was the reason for waiting?

I'm interest because there will be a significant gap before I have any more children.

And to flip the question, if you have children close together does it make being pregnant and parenting easier because you learn and remember from your previous?

**Twinkling** · 26-05-2009 18:02

Hi Jensha,

I can sort of answer both questions! I had my two boys close together - 19 months apart, with my ex. They are 10 and 8 now. My 8yr old will be 9 when I have this one. The reason I waited so long was that it took that long to meet someone else and to get to this stage in our relationship.

Yes I feel like a first time mother again! It's been 9 years! It's exciting, this is my new partner's first child and I feel more relaxed about the whole thing. The best thing is that I get the excitement of watching my husband have his first child and I already have the experience to deal with a newborn. And though I might be a bit rusty, it'll quickly come back to me. I now have two older children to help me too!

On the other side of the argument, my body isn't as good as it was back when I was 20, and even though i'm only 29, i'm feeling it more. And going back through all those baby and toddler dramas sometimes seems daunting to me, especially since i've long been out of those stages with my boys.

Having them closer together of course has its advantages, it's all over and done with and the kids are closer, have more in common etc... But it is harder to devote one on one time to each child when you've got several young children close together and I certainly wouldn't want to be doing it again this time around.

Anyway, there's no easy way around parenthood, but I don't have any regrets! Well, not so far...

Sarah

**Jensha** · 26-05-2009 19:11

Thanks Twinkling

**sockstealingpoltergeist** · 26-05-2009 19:16

Originally Posted by Jensha

Thanks Twinkling

phoenixlipo sorry but I don't understand what your talking about.

PMSL

Anywho.

I have a huge age gap between children.

Reasons

# Seperated from DD's dad

# Didn't meet DH till DD was 7

# Was scared of giving birth

# Was not sure I was up for it all again

# Wanted to be 100% sure that my next child would have the best dad ever.

**Jensha** · 27-05-2009 19:57

I totaly agree with your last reason

I don't want to make the same mistake twice. And I'm scared of giving up my one on one time with DD. I'm not sure I will be a good mum to 2. Maybe I'm only a good Mum to one?
Although I can't wait too give birth again...yes...I know...I must be loopy

**Jensha** · 17-06-2009 21:07

?So the average gap is 3 years? Fabolous just have to find a man in oh 2mths lol.

**smog** · 18-06-2009 19:55

i have 2 big gaps
between#1 and #2 is 6 yrs reasons being seperated from dds dad had to find a new man and get to that stage in our relationship/and also terrified by previous birth trauma
between#2 and #3 was work commitments and still terrified by birth trauma
i didnt feel like a first time mum again in some ways i felt like the experienced one i guess because it was the first time for dh and i kinda remembered and had a clue what to do. i guess i was a bit worried thinking oh what am i doing going back to sleepless nights and tantrums when mine is going off to big school now but i do like that each of my babies have had plenty of one on one time at home with me.

**Cicho** · 19-06-2009 04:18

Hi

I have a gap of 11.5 years between my first and second babies

First marriage broke up, and I spent quite some time alone, which I really needed

Met DH2 and had baby no.2, who is 4 years, and now have DD2 who is 8 weeks old.

I really enjoyed having the large gap. I did not feel like I was a new mum all over again, although I was much more confident and calm

And I was able to concentrate on the baby's needs, as my DD1 was old enough to take care of herself in many ways... AND was also a great help!
I would absolutely recommend a large age gap because it really worked for me! (although I realise everyone is different)

**Lastcenturymum** · 19-06-2009 05:10

Believe me, you never forget how to parent!! I found a less than two year gap (this is the flip side) easier, as I felt like I was till in the baby mode..and had only stopped feeding 6 months before..so it all just rolled on!

I have a friend who has a 22 year gap from her first to second. While she was nearly 40 with this one and 41 with her third, she is relishing being a mum as she is in a happy stable relationship this time. Things have sure changed - probably a lot for the better! I'm just trying to point out the pitfalls of going for another one!!

**tangle** · 26-06-2009 09:43

I have a huge gap.
dd1 is 15, dd2 is 13 and I am 19 weeks pregnant. I was a bit worried when I discovered I was pregnant again, wondering how my girls would react, especially as my fiance' is in America and we got pregnant celebrating our engagement. Miss 13 is very easy going, Miss 15 is highly intelligent (already doing uni courses) and she sometimes has me feeling inferior lol so it was her I was worried about, but both of my girls have been unbelievable! They come to all of my appts with me, and get excited when I can feel the baby move.
It does feel like I am new at this because

it has been such a different pregnancy
The technology is different, seeing a 3d scan is amazing
I have my DDs input
I can google every issue and worry myself sick over what could be nothing or reassure myself that everything is fine
My wonderful partner bought a doppler from America so we could hear the heartbeat when ever we want
So many new things are offered! like hypnobirthing and calm birthing

I'm very excited (and scared) about being pregnant again