BIG age gap? - 9,11,12,13 year age gap?

**suze3108** · 12-05-2009 11:18

Anyone had experience with a really big age gap?

My dad remarried, and had babies when I was 14 and 16, I loved it, and I think my step-mum liked it too, as I was old enough to watch the baby while she had a shower, and I babysat for them at night a few times too (even had them for 2 weeks, when they were older and my parents went overseas). But my relationship with my brothers is one of an 'aunty' more than a sister.

My husband was a menopause baby, and his brothers and sisters are 12, 14 and 16 years older than him, he said he grew up feeling more like an only child, but he is very close to his brothers now that they are adults.

Our children (blended family) are 8, 10, 11 and 12.

The 12 year old, who stays with us every second weekend, is def a difficult teenager already. I wonder if it's selfish of me to want a baby, and if we won't be as available to them when they are going through their teenage years, which are hard enough.

But I can't stop wanting a baby either!

**tenyearsbetween** · 13-05-2009 11:01

As I have said in another post, there is about to be a 10 year age gap between my kids. My gorgeous daughter turned 10 in February this year and I'm due very soon with my second...

I hadn't actually thought of it before reading your post, but I am also from a family with a big gap between kids because of remarriage - My Dad has two kids with his 2nd wife - one born when I was 16 and the other only a year before I had my daughter (they even go to school together now).

I must say that in terms of my relationship with that brother and sister, it was and is probably a bit different than the relationship I had and have with my other brother and sister who I grew up with (5 and 3 year gaps), but I think that is mostly due to the fact that I wasn't living with my Dad when he had the younger ones. I was certainly called upon as a babysitter (and still am, but my Dad and his wife are also my babysitters, so it works well!)

I don't think it is selfish of you to want to have another baby. I know that my 10-year-old is really looking forward to me having this baby and I think as long as you make sure you still spend that quality time with the older kids, there shouldn't be a problem there. I'm actually quite glad that I have such a big gap - I had my daughter when I was at uni and finished my degree externally while she was still little, so got to spend a lot of time at home with her, then by the time I started working full-time, she was nearly 3, so I didn't feel so guilty about having to put her in daycare at times. Now I've had the chance to put some time into developing my career and feel that I am in a position where I am able to take time off, without fear of having to start at the bottom again... so I have kind of had the best of both worlds, I suppose.

**jag5000** · 13-05-2009 17:26

I have a 10 yr old and a 1 yr old (same dad). I LOVE having the big gap! I can't really think of a whole lot to write.. I find it quite easy and I can't imagine having 2 close together.. my 10 yr old helps if she wants to but has her own space too. They are already really close.

**KaM** · 13-05-2009 17:37

My brother is 9yrs younger then me . . we have a great relationship . . rarely a bicker or fight . . I loved it !

**Lastcenturymum** · 13-05-2009 17:38

Some interesting info from the sibling point of view. My DH has 8 years to his brother and 10 to his sister. He and his brother were never close growing up, such different stages and activities and as his brother used to say (when a teenager

) 'He's a different generation'!! They really only became close when a lot older and probably more so when having kids. He loves his sister lots, but due to never having lived in the same city since she was 14 they don't have much of a close bond. There is certainly the family connection and they are very close, but if anything it's hubby - or me - who does most of the keeping in touch.

But I agree, if you and your partner want a baby together, it's no reason not to.

**Myztik** · 13-05-2009 17:44

My sisters are 12 and 14yrs younger than me and I have always loved it

We have a fantastic relationship now (always have) especially as they are coming into their teens and really want my advice and opinions on a lot of things going on in their lives. I only get to see them on school holidays so they come spend a few nights here with us, then the boys and I go spend a few nights at dads with them.
They absolutely adore my boys.

**Jensha** · 13-05-2009 21:53

I am 8 and 10 years younger then my sisters, we were close when I was little like any other annoying little sister lol

. During my pre-teen and teenage years we would fight alot. But now as adults we all get along great and the age gap isn't relevent anymore.

**XdonnaX** · 14-05-2009 16:16

well i have 18 yr old twin girls..an 11 year old son and have just found out that i am in fact 8 weeks pregnant again..the kids are really looking forward to it and we are all very excited.

i guess it depends on how u treat the older kids as to how hard it will be..for example like has allready been said they will get resentfull if they are made to chase around after the baby all the time and babysit all the time etc etc

i never expected this from my girls and never had a problem with the 7 yr gap they all get along great

**Bubs'n'Roses** · 14-05-2009 16:26

I have a brother who is 13 years older than me and quite frankly, up until the age of 11 he treated me like his own personal "how much will this hurt me" tester.
He liked me from 11 til I was 14... and then we hated each other again. When I turned 19, we got along again. We get along great now, I don't know if its because I am now older, because we both have kids now or because he realizes 'no, I'm not his brother' and has come to terms with it.
He also had our mum to himself for 13 years, that might have contributed to his trying to "off" me.

But it came in handy in primary school the one and only time I got picked on and he told me to tell them that he'd come down there and beat them up if that's what it took.

It's got advantages and disadvantages I think, but as long as its what you want and you can explain to the older kids whats happening, all should be great.

**luvmyboyz** · 14-05-2009 16:35

My kids are 15, 13, 4 & 18mths with another due in July.

My older 2 absolutely adore the little ones and I would imagine from the way its going they are all going to remain really close. I love it, and love seeing them altogether, they melt my heart lol. They have their moments but its no different to siblings closer in age.

We do worry about our ages and how old we'll be as they grow up, but I think that also comes down to attitude as well and staying with the times lol.

If its what you want then go for it, I've never regretted it.