I hate being so scared

**Liddy** · 22-04-2009 22:19

I only just discovered this section of the site and really feel it's a place for me to be at the moment.

I am due for my second in september and have become so nervous and anxious about giving birth this time. My daughter's birthday was so traumatic, I had a long hard labour, was taking literally days to dialate, ended up very druggy and rushed into an emergency c-section because she has pooped meconium inside and there was heaps of it in the waters when they broke them. She was resusitated and rushed off to special care. I got to hold her for 1 minute after I got out of recovery then spent the next 6-8 hours sleeping in the maternity ward because I had been awake a couple of nights. I only ended up breastfeeding for 8 weeks and I feel this may also be because we never got to bond from the beginning, she spent a good 2-3 days in special care before coming into my room. It was worth it but now i'm pregnant again it has me dead scared.

I'm so frightened of giving birth this time, I even get panic attacks during the night if I wake up, I just want to have a nice birth experience. I'm not sure how I will be birthing this time but I think they will tell me to go for another c-section but then again i'm nervous of another one because ill be more aware this time and I hate medical things.. can't even watch shows on them.

I'm so tired of feeling so scared, sometimes I feel sick, breathless and like i'm dying because I get so worked up about it, it's really not a good state for me to be in.

I honestly don't know who to go for, for help on this, some days i'm fine and I feel brave and excited about meeting my next bundle of joy but other times especially when i'm tired I just feel terrified of it. Having another baby is forcing me to face my fears but I never really realised how bad they were untill I was pregnant.

**Hooves** · 22-04-2009 23:52

I felt much the same way, when I found out I was pregnant again.

Only I didn't have a c-section. I have had 3 natural births, and am so scared of doing it again.

The panic attacks, and bad dreams I can so relate to.

The only thing I can suggest to you, is to seek help, from your care givers.

Be completely honest, with them about how you are feeling.

I am so glad I started talking to mine about my fears. I have spoken to a counsellor, my doctor and my midwife.

AND feel not so bad about things now. Although, I still have to decide about my birth, because I am leaning towards having a c-section this time, around.

I found the hardest thing, was just to talk. BUT once I started I felt so much better, and my care givers, now understand how I feel, and why.

I haven't had a nightmare, or birth dream, in a while, now.

Good luck, and please start talking about your fears. I am sure once you do, you can start to make some decisions about your birth, that will allay your fears.

**anka2722** · 23-04-2009 00:02

Lydia no body can tell you what to do, if you want to have a natural birth than you can, do not let yourself be bullied into making a decision that you do not feel comfortable with and if that care provider will not listen then find yourself another one. I believe finding supportive care providers is the first step in finding a healing place for yourself.

Additionally research, do lots of reading, sign up for courses if you're that way inclined, i did a calm birth type course which I found extremely useful. Most importantly don't doubt your own gut and remember to talk, be open with yourself and your partner.

**Lissbee** · 24-04-2009 11:06

Hi - to the OP - I can completely understand you would feel the way you do, after your experience last time. [hugs] It is so great that you are talking about it now, as it is really important that you feel safe and nurtured now, and when you are birthing, no matter how you are birthing.

I highly recommend you get on the Birthrites website - they are a Healing From Caearean group that have meetings IRL in Perth. I saw they have meetings both nth and sth of the river - hopefully there might be something there close to you. And their website has some great stuff too.

To help you understand your previous experience, which then enables you to be able to express what is happening to you, to others, I recommend reading this article called "Why Birth Trauma is Unspoken - most women don't know what they've experienced". Go here, and read the second article

And if you want to know exactly how to get your medical records, read "Retrieving Your Records - a Healing Step" which includes a full list of what to ask for.

Oh, and check out the Caesarean Awareness Network Australia for some more support too.

I'm sorry if this email seems a bit blunt - I am racing to get it finished while my kids are calling me and just typing like crazy!

Best wishes,
Melissa
birthtalk.org

**Toffee apple** · 24-04-2009 11:30

Lydia .... gosh gorgeous, you are not alone.

I felt this way after have a very rough birth with my dd, right down to the me healing & having a very hard time with bf(thank god for nipple shields!) and of course bonding .

Just know that every birth is different, know that this time around you will be a stronger woman going into this, by that i mean have more information, even if you don't feel that you have, but honestly gorgeous you have gained so much knowlage since the birth of your DD, and just that alone will help you through your next birth.
Here I am 19 months after having ds & my two are on the couch being loud & happily playing togther, they are the best of friends.... his birth had a few hiccups but my goodnes the following weeks when he was a newie things were so much easier the second time around.

Lissbee gosh even though it has been nearly 3 and a half years i am now going to persue my DD's birth records.Thankyou for the links, i have saved & will get onto it!

**Boobycino** · 28-04-2009 16:15

Wow, sounds like my labour.

It took days to get going and by the end I was pretty drugged up.

We had the meconium, emergency c-section, only to find he was in a breech position all along! So angry!

Thy had to take Jasper away for a bit to make sure he was fine also - but once they gave him back to me I only put him down to go to the bathroom and shower for a week. I held him and barely let anyone else have him. I was soooooo possessive and wouldn't let him out of my sight!

I dont know if it was the birth trauma, but I thinkits only recenty that I feel like he's my son, its weird.. he's always been my baby and I'd have died to protect him, but I think its only recently that I feel like I love him properly.

*hugs* and more *hugs* !

Goodluck!

I almost feel like I really want to have another baby so I can 'do it right' though. I dont know, thats probably weird but I feel like i have something to prove still.

**beachlover09** · 29-04-2009 16:05

Lydia firstly I wanted to say i'm so sorry that happened to you. I can relate to the nightmares and panic attacks. would you consider trying some counselling? It's really helping me. I also think it's totally normal for being pregnant again to bring up those feelings from the previous birth.

Originally Posted by chel87

I almost feel like I really want to have another baby so I can 'do it right' though. I dont know, thats probably weird but I feel like i have something to prove still.

chel87 just wanted to say that I totally felt like this until very recently, but i'm starting to give myself a break

I wish everyone well in their healing journeys

**beebs** · 30-04-2009 09:01

Yeah - I can realte too. I had a traumatic birth which ended up with me having PTSD, panic disorder and anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, nightmares etc. I went to therapy and ended up on anti depressants (but have been off them since last sept)- it helped me through a very dark period in my life. I honestly thought I'd never have another baby again. But am now pregnant again - I can feel the panic attacks and anxiety starting to creep back in the closer I get to the due date. I would highly reccomend finding yourself a kind therapist - they can really do wonders. I'll be heading back to see mine asap - good luck!

**Liddy** · 01-05-2009 10:31

Thanks everybody, things have been slowly improving, haven't had anymore panic attacks for atleast a week, and i've been sleeping much better aswell! I make sure I really relax before bed with a hot shower and glass of milk. Been keeping myself busy and feeling more relaxed about the birth which is suprising as i'm getting closer to it now lol. I have an appointment at the hospital in 1 and a half weeks so hopefully that will give me some light on the situation. I'm feeling like my body is doing abit better also, scar hasn't caused me any pain and my belly is a nice size atm without me feeling too big or restricted. I defeniatly will be telling my concerns to the ob at the hospital! Thanks everybody it's nice to know i'm not alone, I just need to keep telling myself that I can do this!

**PuppyGuts** · 15-06-2009 14:11

hi babe
i feel ur pain i had pretty much exact labour!!
went into labour on sunday dialating a cm a day!!then friday after final got induce whatdo u know - heaps of meconium and she was in distress- didnt hold her for 10 hours or even see her and she was in SCN for 3 days on a drip- and only BF for 2 weeks because she hardly knew who i was- it was horrible and led to sever PND after 3 months where i couldnt even hold her because i felt like i had done something wrong by bringing her into this world so horribly

well she is one this sat and i am still traumatised and wonder if she would be different- would she sleep? would she be a hppier baby if i had stood up for myself and laboured how i wanted- not just be told that im overreacting and that its not "real labour"- and they took that back fast when they realised my lil girl couldnt breathe as she had cord around her neck and lungs full of meconium!!

i dnt ever think i could do it again and if i do have another baby i will be going all out private room in a tub no drugs so i know that i am in control and not getting jabbed and people whispering about things- "dnt tell the 18yr old mum her daughters nearly dead" because i am determined to never feel that way again.- just remeber that if u do have a baby u can only do everything u can to make it bettter- 1st babies u always listen to nurses and peoples stupid advice well u know whats right its ur body and dnt do it until your totally ready.
i relate so much to u hun and im here to talk whenever u want.
xoxo