Taking it really hard

**GrowingMyFamily** · 18-04-2009 09:19

Hi,

I just found out yesterday that I'm having a missed miscarriage. I'm taking it really badly and can't seem to pull myself together.

My best friend is 20wks pregnant and while she would normally be a great support to me in most things I just can't stand the sight of her or anyone else who is pregnant for that matter. Had to stop and go home in the middle of the grocery shopping yesterday cause everywhere I looked people were pregnant or had babies.

I feel like I'm totally overreacting but can't get a handle on it. I'm also filled with fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again or that I will but I will just miscarry over and over.

How do you push past the feelings and get on with life? How do you find the courage to try again? I hope someone can help me...

**Manxie** · 18-04-2009 09:23

I am so very sorry for your loss

I have also had a missed m/c and so understand a little of what you are going through.

You know what you dont have to pull yourself together. You have suffered a loss and you need to grieve for that loss, take your time, be gentle with yourself.

I am sure that your friend understands that you find it hard to be around her at the moment. I had to drop out of my mums group for a while as I couldnt stand to see all the pregnant mums, they all understood as good friends should.

Just take your time, cry lots and in time you will be ready to try again

I got my courage from the girls here in bubhub.

**tess20** · 18-04-2009 16:24

I'm very very sorry for your loss

Time seems to be the main thing that helped me.

I avoided shopping centres for quite a while-it was the same for me it felt like there was pregnant women everywhere.

Look after yourself

I wish I could offer something more useful.

**Amara** · 18-04-2009 16:29

Time heals all wounds.

For me I found the only way to get over losses was to TTC again soon as it gave me a feeling of power over the situation.

I also felt horrible in shopping centres - so many preggy bellys so many babies. I still had tears in shopping centres while I was pregnant last time - even when I was quite advanced as I never really thought I'd have a bub of my own.

Thankfully most women do not get to experience a second loss. Don't pay attention to my ticker as I'm over 40 and it's common to have losses at my age.

**GrowingMyFamily** · 18-04-2009 18:54

Thank you all so much for your responses. It's good to know that there are people out there who don't think I'm overreacting and who understand what I'm going through.
It's also good to know that time will start to heal this pain I'm feeling. I've never felt such a deep and aching grief. It almost physically hurts.

A special note to you Manxie for your comment that I don't have to pull myself together. It was almost like that gave me permission to grieve this baby and I needed that. Thank you so much.

**tahlias mum** · 18-04-2009 18:54

so so sorry for your loss..

i have also had a missed m/c over a year ago.. over time it does get easier but u dont get over it you have to greive for your lil one. I haye shopping centres and i know that u dont want to be around your bbud at this time but we are all here for you if u need a chat

**rynosmum** · 18-04-2009 20:42

As Manxie said already, it's perfectly okay not to pull yourself together. Miscarriage isn't fair and no one should ever expect you to simply move on.

You aren't the same person you were before the loss. You were pregnant with your first baby, full of hopes, dreams and lifelong plans for your family and beautiful babe. Now it's like someone has taken all of that away and you are well within your rights to feel sad, anguished, cheated and totally vulnerable.

The thing is, not all people who suffer a M/C will suffer more and even those who suffer a number will go on to have completely perfect pregnancies and deliver beautiful babies. I've had three losses and almost a year ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter (a sister for our precious little boy). It's hard to try again, it's hard to remain confident but whilst every setback was like I lost a piece of my heart and life, the hope of having my children just made me continue.

It's a hard road but well worth it. As for getting over it, I still haven't - check out my recent thread in this very section of 'When will I move on?'. I have resigned myself that my lost babies will always be a part of our family - and honoured just as they deserve to be

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little baby. Please have plenty of these

and be especially kind to yourself and baby's Daddy. They act tough now but quite often take it very hard themselves which only surfaces later. Best of luck with your journey.

**Gabi** · 18-04-2009 21:32

Oh honey! The other girls are absolutely right, you are not over reacting at all! You've lost your child!

I could have written that post two years ago after my missed miscarriage. Seeing other women who get to go on and experience the joys of motherhood is really hard when you're grieving for not only your baby but also, in a way, your motherhood and your experience of pregnancy. My best friend was pregnant during one of my miscarriages, and I found it really hard to talk to her too. Especially because she (quite understandably) just wanted to talk about her baby and her excitement.

Give yourself some space and some time! It WILL get better in time, and you will make it through this tough time.

**Dot** · 18-04-2009 23:11

Im so sorry hunny ... I also have had a missed miscarrige, I lost my baby 6 weeks ago, so the pain is all still very raw for me. Please dont feel like you need to keep it together because i felt liek I had to be strong for everyone else around me as I felt like a failure... and I ended up snapping about 4 weeks ago and ended up an utter mess.

Time does heal all wounds, and I still tell myself everyday to get up and make it through another day, I hate going to work as I currently have 7 girls who are between 12 - 28 weeks pregnant and all you here at work is babies babies babies... its very hard.

I can tell you though its been 6 weeks and I am ready to go again ... just waiting on AF. I have been going to accupunture as it makes me feel like I am that one step closer.

Sorry I am rambling, I just wanted to let you know that it does get a little easier, but please grieve you need to grieve your body needs to acknowledge the loss mentally and physically and in the mean time feel free to chat I know I felt comfort in knowing someone else in the world understood.

.