i'm lost...

**sweety** · 10-06-2006 02:07

ok here goes...
i'm 24, ive been with my boyfriend since we were 17. we had marriage plans, we were TTC a child but our whole relationship is just falling apart. he's never around anymore, we're both still living with our parents right now and hes stopped coming over, hardly ever calls and just seems disinterested...
its hard to explain but its just one of those situations where u know its about to end IYKWIM?
i tried talking to him, i asked whats going on with us and he said "i dont know"
after alot of crying and talking he decided its best if we stop seeing eachother for a while, he thinks we've outgrown eachother and should just be friends
i understand and its probably for the best but where do i go from here???
since we were 18 hes always been the breadwinner, ive only had a couple of casual jobs since then, im currently unemployed and the only qualification i have is my HSC, not cuz i wanted it to be this way but because he told me he wants to support me (stupid on my behalf i know)
we had a whole future mapped out and its like my whole life has just been taken away from me i really dont know where to go next?
i dont have many close friends i lost most of them when him and i first got together. i just feel like a total loser, im 24, still living with mum, no job, no car, no nothing!!

on top of that all my hopes for a baby have gone out the window. after planning it and TTC it feels like my heart is broken, and it might sound stupid but i feel like im getting old and i need to have a child and settle down soon... i just feel completely lost i dont know what to do...

**Tam-I-Am** · 10-06-2006 02:29

I think that it's normal to be feeling lost right now.

Firstly the end of a relationship is, essentially, the death of something that was very close and precious to you. So let yourself grieve for it as though someone you love has died.

Secondly - of course you're going to feel lost. All your plans have just gone out the window, as you already know. So, when you feel ready, the way to move on from here is to recognise that sometimes things don't go according to our plans, and that's really sad - but we need to make new plans. You really need to start setting some goals for yourself. They can be small goals to begin with ie Tomorrow I'm going to buy a newspaper and start looking for a job, or tomorrow I'm going to make a centrelink appointment to enquire about unemployment benefits, etc.

Then start making mid-term goals, and then long-term goals.

I know this feels like the end of the world at the moment, but really and truely - its not.

That doesn't take away from just how hard it is, it just means that you need to start putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, one day at a time.Don't think of where you should be, but rather where you are - and how you can change one thing, today, or tomorrow, to change that.

I promise you, when you look back on this time in 12 months time - it will have been an extrememly difficult time .....that you got through. You are stronger than you will ever need to know, and this is just one hurdle.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such an awful time at the moment.I really hope things work out for the best for you.

**arthursmum** · 10-06-2006 04:39

All that lovely wisdom and also you have plenty of time to have children in your life, don't pressure yourself.

**SamanthaJane** · 10-06-2006 14:16

Its perfectly normal for you to feel lost

I cant tell you exactly what to do to stop feeling so "lost" because if we all knew the answer to that, we'd never have any problems...

Everything happens for a reason, maybe this is the end, but it is happening because thats what is meant to be. Maybe you will get back together after you's have a break (time apart is actually very common before people get married, have babies etc especially those that have been together since before they were 18). Some people do, some people dont. But either way just know thats what was meant to happen.

Treat this as a break, go out, have fun, and try your hardest to enjoy your self. Try and find a job and just experience life as much as you can. You will either both come out of this saying that breaking up was the right thing to do, or knowing that you's are meant to spend the rest of your lives together.

Chin up honey, you will be fine and us bubhubbers are only a few mouse clicks away

**meshan** · 10-06-2006 14:21

I hear myself so much in your story. When I was 25 I broke-up with my boyfriend of 6 years. All my friends were married and having babies and I didn't know how I would go on. I had invested all my future plans in this relationship and they had all vanished.

Now I am 37 - I am married to my soul-mate - someone that was well worth waiting for and have 2 beautiful children. I think back to that time and realise that I really didn't know myself very well and if I had married that man it would have been a disaster.

So hang in there - it is natural to feel afraid but believe it or not your life isn't over - its just started. This whole world is about to open up to you take time to find yourself and what you really want.

**bronny-jane** · 11-06-2006 09:15

sweety

you not old honey, im 25

perhaps its for the best, you dont need someone in yourlife who makes you fell this way, your 24 thats a great age, maybe you should take back your power and get out and live, instead of standing in his shadow

im sure life has something incredible in store for you, are you ready and willing to take the first step, it is the hardest, but its really worth it.

**cutiegirl** · 29-06-2006 19:06

hey i kinda know how you feel i met my partner when i was 17yrs old now i'm 30 we have 2 kids i only went to yr 10 in high school and worked full time after that i think things happen for a reason you are still young 24 yrs old maybe its time to concentrate on a career path this way your showing your partner some indepenants but you should be doing this for you maybe someone out there is for you but you need to do alot of things for you before you have your children remember children are a life time committment and they're not cheap[especially living at home i'm sure your mum wouldnt want you living there with a bub maybe live and work a little before thinking about settling down something to think about

**vavavanny** · 29-06-2006 23:40

Sweety, hang in there!

Things will work themselves out... with or without him, and you will get stronger day by day...

Unfortunately, begining a relationship with someone at such a young age (17/18) often leads to both people growing apart, and having different interests later on in life - I know this first hand...

but stay true to yourself! You must! What doesn't break you will only make you stronger.

Good luck

**meoneo** · 29-06-2006 23:52

Be your own person first before you try to bring a new person into the world. It will be ok. The right guy really is out there. I found mine only when I stopped looking.

**angcaltam** · 30-06-2006 18:03

I just wanted to say please try and keep your head held high. I know it is hard at the moment to believe but you will find Mr Right and then when you do the wait for a baby will be worth it.

Sending lots of

and

your way.