Please give me the good news!

[BabyJoy]

What are the best things about having just one child?
I desperately want a big family but we have secondary infertility... not giving up yet, but I really need to pull myself out of the sadness I feel by looking at the pros of having just one gorgeous girl.

[Petlover]

I have one gorgeous girl too! This is definately by choice, its just a perfect life for us.

We are like a fun little team of 3, to be honest I'm not selfish or anything but I don't want another child taking up my time or changing our family. DD is 5 now and very mature, having focussed on one child has given me time to teach her loads of stuff, especially about looking after herself and independence. She already packs her own lunch when she gets up and makes her brekky - so cute!.

Its easier on us financially. I feel I am having my cake and eating it too (hey perhaps I do sound a bit selfish! ) I get the love of a child but am not really bogged down with 'duties' and get lots of time to myself.

You ask for reasons why having one child is great. The above is just how I feel but really what I wish people would understand more than anything is it doesn't matter either way. Kids are happy in a loving family of 6 and happy in a loving family with 1 child. There are benefits to both. I think alot of stigma around being an 'only' is old fashioned and a bit narrow minded to be honest. I choose to have one because it suits me emotionally, financially and suits our lifestyle. My DD is poplular, funny and well adjusted. She loves play dates and visiting people and has a great lifestyle. She probably is a bit spoilt for our attention but we wouldn't have it any other way.

[Petlover]

Its not that its all perfect, DD for example has only us so always wants to 'play' with us. Hence meets with mates and stuff. Mind you having to 'play' with her is not a down side, it can be pretty entertaining.

[BabyJoy]

Thanks for your reply.

I think it is perfectly fine to want just one child... and it's not fair when other people make judgments or comments about your decision.

My problem is that I really do want more children - so I'm finding it hard to accept that I might only ever have just one.

All of the reasons you mentioned (even the last one about having to play with your daughter) all make perfect sense to me and I am experiencing this right now with my three-year-old... where I see my friends with a toddler and a baby and their attention is so divided. They can't always sit and play because the new baby needs to be fed/nappy change, etc. There's no doubt that our children will be shaped somewhat differently (not badly, just differently) to those who have siblings close in age.

[Petlover]

Yes, I realise its easy for me to be happy because its my choice. I am sorry that it is a part of your life that you are currently unhappy with. I hope you get lots of support from this thread and bubhub. I wonder how your husband feels our of interest. You will probably get to talk to people are are in your exact situation here too.

[RoarsomeMum]

My problem is that I really do want more children - so I'm finding it hard to accept that I might only ever have just one.

It's a hard place to be. Am there myself ATM. 4 or 5 days till testing, but not holding my Breath.

I guess, for me, the one thing that helps is looking at our Miracle, and going, OMG, she is HERE!! the baby we dreamed of for all these years! looking back at us with her big blue eyes and cheeky Grin!! - If I let myself cry for another child, I am missing important seconds of THIS one's life!

It does not mean we would not LOVE another child! - My oath we would, and am using all the TTC options avaliable to us. So try and try we WILL for a bigger family, but I can't make it my life anymore. That space is now Filled

So, for Me, the best part of having a Lone child, is the fact that I was so freaking blessed that I get to have her

[forbetoel]

I so so so hope you are able to add to your family again!

I would have been devastated if I was to only have one child, so I can really empathise with your situation and fear at maybe not being able to have anymore kids.

Not much to offer accept my thoughts and prayers.

[bada]

I've been wondering the same thing of late, so was happy to find this thread. I'd love to hear what others have to say.

I thought I always wanted lots of kids and part of me still does but at the moment most of me just wants my one DD. DF is adamant that she won't be an only child but I'm leaning more and more towards the idea of stopping at one.

It's all well and good for me to say I don't want anymore but if the choice were taken from me I would be devastated.

to you

[BabyJoy]

I wonder how your husband feels our of interest. You will probably get to talk to people are are in your exact situation here too.

He feels the same way as me... he actually wants three children, so he is on the TTC rollercoaster with me every month. I can sense his disappointment when I tell him AF has arrived again. He is very supportive though and we are both getting acupuncture and improving our lifestyles (etc) to conceive... he knows it's a joint effort!

I do feel quite alone though... all of my "mum" friends have gone on to have more than one child, and I don't think they know what to say to me anymore. They used to say "don't worry, it will happen", but it's been so long now that they have stopped saying anything.

I do have very positive days too... I definitely appreciate what I have got - I cannot imagine the agony faced by parents who cannot have even one child. This morning I had time off work so I spent a few hours at my daughter's kindy to see what they get up to and it was great! I wouldn't have been able to do that if I had a newborn. It's the little things that count.

Thanks ladies for your support!

[Susan Mac]

I do feel quite alone though... all of my "mum" friends have gone on to have more than one child, and I don't think they know what to say to me anymore. They used to say "don't worry, it will happen", but it's been so long now that they have stopped saying anything.

You must have all the same friends as me!

We've been trying for over two years for baby number two, and both DH and I would love four kids. It's heartbreaking watching everyone else have more children, and none of them seeming to even notice that we haven't been able to have another one yet. I wonder if people assume that you mustn't be bothered by not having a second because you've got one already. (Which doesn't make sense, because they all wanted second and third and fourth children - why I am expected to be satisfied with one?) I'm sick of being told to just be thankful I've got one, as though i'm ungrateful for my child because I haven't had another one. Do they all love their firstborns more than their other children? Yet, I'm expected to because I've just got one.

Ah, sorry for the rant. I'm just frustrated this week by other people's responses to me having just one child!