Advice please?

**quaver** · 02-03-2009 11:53

I have not really been into this section before but i have a question and was thinking maybe someone would be able to give me some advice.

I have a neice who is mentally disabled. she is 5 and goes to a special school. she has no language and has autistic tendancies socially but she is not autistic.
We see her and family frequently we are all really close.

latley she is calming herself through mastabation. my husband and i are feeling a bit awkward. i do not want to be graphic on here at all but we are not sure how to respond. she will lie in the middle of our kitchen floor for 20mins and the other day she lounged across my dh on the couch. he particularly does not know what to do. ignore the behaviour and be awkward? do we say something?

we love the whole family so much, and do everything to help them. this is just one thing i dont know how to talk about. any advice from people that have some idea would be really great. i have been really reluctant to post this but i dont know where else to turn?

**MyFourCubs** · 02-03-2009 12:26

Masturbation at an early age is VERY common in all children, "normal" children, included

so I would not be concerned at that per say, obviously she needs to be taught that it is not appropriate behaviour to do in public and I can certainly understand why you and hubby would be uncomfortable with it. I would perhaps try and talk to the parents- they have likely noticed it as well and may be similarly concerned, or else (I suggest as a mother of a special needs child) perhaps they have been letting it go so far as it IS calming her- and we LOVE things that calm them- but this is not acceptable and she will have to be taught as such. HOW to teach her exactly I cannot say without knowing her, perhaps the parents can talk to her teachers and / or therapists and see if they have any stradegies. Certainly she would not be the first, I wouldn't think.

Don't feel awkward about posting this, most of us don't bat an eyelid at anything anymore!

**quaver** · 02-03-2009 12:33

thanks mythreecubs. I realise that to a certain extent it is normal sexual development. but it goes a bit beyond that. it is a full on version. They are not stopping it because it does calm her. do you think then that i would just be able to say something then, that they will not be uncomfortable just because i am?

**MyFourCubs** · 02-03-2009 12:39

Hmmmm.... as I said, I DO understand the concessions you make as a SN parent to things that you would not ordinarily allow.... but it does seem that this is entirely unappropriate and the longer it is allowed the worse it will become and the harder it will be to stop. They need to find an alternative, really, as hard as that seems. I think if it is as bad as you say it is you do need to say something. In a way you may be helping them and their dd as if it continues they will cop worse critisism down the track and while it seems a bit far fetched now, the implications of a SN teenager or adult doing this is quite serious. (I remember a retarded boy from my childhood, he was about 17 doing the same in a public place and it shocked me and others and had serious consequences for him and his family

) Good luck

**quaver** · 02-03-2009 12:44

yeah that is my concern too. it used to be ok, she would go into her bedroom, but it has got worse. i wonder if they let it go just with us because we are good friends. her mum is amazing and is doing every calming thing posible. i think i will just have to bite the bullet and chat to her about it. maybe just as a 'how is she going'' rather than a direct reference...
i stick my foot in it a lot another time wont hurt!