Need advice

**Alleycatz** · 16-02-2009 18:02

Hi Me and my partner are in mid 30's and want to start a family. Can anyone recommend a doctor in Vic that we can see? I am borderline PCOS & have only 1 ovary so good chance I am infertile. How do people go with the costs? I mean out laying that much is there another way? we are paying off a house and would have enough money if a child came a long but extremely large outlays are hard. Any advice we would love.

**ShellKiz** · 16-02-2009 18:40

Hey Alley,

unfortuantely i cant help you to much in this department. My DP and i are are doing self imnsemination so we dont have the some costs as you.

Sorry i couldnt help

Shell

**2mums** · 17-02-2009 20:48

Hi Alleycatz,

Sorry we are in QLD so don't know much about Victoria..

As far as cost... we have learnt to be on a tight budget - learnt this from paying for our wedding so we haven't missed it.. but we basically pay our bills, have minimal luxaries, figure out how to create cheap fun..
One pay we usually pay for the sperm and the following pay we pay for the procedure..

We mange... u can do it, just have to make a bidget and stick to it..

Good luck

**Alleycatz** · 18-02-2009 18:07

Originally Posted by michky

Ruth McNair at the Carlton Clinic would be a good start. We did home insem, but she helped us with referrals etc just in case we needed to go down the IVF path. She has a lot of experience with rainbow families.
Good Luck!

Thanks everyone - I was on another forum and was expressing that I would like to try home insem and even considered sperm from overseas but the general info I got was we couldn't do that something about handling body fluids etc. Any advice on whats the best way to get sperm for home insem. Can't go make friends - all straight or in relationships. Can I tell you this forumn is fantastic.

**2mums** · 18-02-2009 20:08

Hi alleycatz,

If u go to the same sex parent index of forums - Shellkiz has loaded a link to a website where u can find donors...

We pay for our sperm thru our clinic so we aren't much help in offering avenues.
Good luck

**Alleycatz** · 03-03-2009 18:27

Hey does anyone know where is the best place to get a sperm donor? And call me and my partner naive but how long can the sperm last before it is not good for use and any ideas on how it travels the best?

**Mamato1girl** · 03-03-2009 23:27

Hi

There are a couple of places online you can look for donors. One is pinkboards: http://www.pinkboard.com.au/cgi/Classifieds/PAR Another place to look is Prospective Lesbian Parents: http://home.vicnet.net.au/~plpvic/
And another: http://au.messages.yahoo.com/lifestyle/pregnancy/3798/ It is really hard to find a known donor so you need to cast your net wide if you want to find one. I would casually mention it to male friends even if they are straight or in a relationship, you never know... Do you have a local gay magazine/newspaper you could advertise in?

Word of warning: if you do contact people online there is a man in victoria who goes by several names and is a serial pest, I would watch out for him...if you want his name(s)/details feel free to PM me

If you are doing a home insemination you really should be inseminating within 20 - 30 mins of ejaculation. They start dying pretty quickly after that. Urine specimen jars are good sperm transporters. You need to keep the sperm warm too

Good luck

**Green Mum to be** · 04-03-2009 10:18

Hi,

Our donor and his wife are old friends of mine, straight, married with two kids!

We had casually mentioned it to ALL of our friends and our friends friends etc even family. They (husband and wife) actually offered before we had to ask. Asking is the MOST difficult thing you have to do but making it more casual helps with no expectation.

Looking at all of the options like an unknown or going through the NSW clinic path (which we started to do but cost $$$$$) having a known donor within close proximity has been a 'godsend'.

Having a straight guy with a family is easy because he already has his children and doesn't want to parent ours. Understands the importance of family and is willing to help to make ours.

Interesting to note that we haven't been honest with anyone about how we have got the sperm. Unfortunately, we have lied to those closest to us. This is to protect our family in the future and his anonymity until WE (all four of us) are ready to discuss it with all of the children.

Having looked into it carefully you have about an hour after ejaculation to use the sperm before you kill off too many of the little swimmers. Best that the specimen is kept in the dark and at body temperature, best under a shirt close to the body.

My advice is to be brave and mention it to as many friends and family as you trust, then gently ask. If you put it out there it will hopefully come to you.

Good luck!!!