Still very painful 6yrs on

**shellymumof2** · 28-05-2006 13:13

I am new to this site and wanted to share with you my story as I find sharing is allways good.
My beautiful baby girl was born on July 30, 1999. i had a fairly easy first pregnancy with only a little morning sickness.
My baby was born with a slight heart murmur but at her six week check up she was pronounced a healthy, happy baby girl.
As she was my first I was unsure what to expect and thought that her crying was normal. Nobody noticed that she had any problems not even the doctor.
Two weeks before she passed away she got bronchilitis and was put on medications.
The doctor referred her for an ultrasound on the Monday but she didnt make it.
On Sunday November 7, 1999 she began screaming as if in pain and looked to be having trouble breathing so my partner and I rushed her to hospital and that was the last time we saw her alive.
Truth be told I knew she wasnt going to make it. I held her in my arms on the way to hospital and felt the life leave her.
My beautiful angel was born with a hole in her heart and had suffered a heart attack.
I still cry and I still ache for her and I still feel a space in me.

**misskittyfantastico** · 28-05-2006 13:18

Your story has left me in tears. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. Thankyou for sharing your story.

**Rainbowbrite** · 28-05-2006 13:19

Oh hon, i'm so sorry

I cant even begin to imagine how painfull iot was & still would be. Just know that we're always here for chats

**shellymumof2** · 28-05-2006 13:19

I now have 2 gorgeous boys aged 2 1/2 and 5 and I thank god everyday for giving me them. I am also thankful for having my daughter even if it was only for 3 months.
It will be seven years in November and the pain is still there.I now know how to control it but still think of her everyday and wonder what she would be like.
My vision is a little blurred now from the tears as I write this but crying for me is like a release.
Thanks for listening and hi.
Shell

**Cupcake** · 28-05-2006 13:41

I am sorry & your strength has touched my heart.
Take care

**LoopyLyndaLou** · 28-05-2006 18:16

Hi Shelly,

I am so sorry to read of your little girl. Having had her for 3 precious months and then to ahve her cruelly snatched away is unimaginable.

I lost my son at birth and I often wish I got to spend some time with him alive at home but at the same time it tears me apart to think of rushing him to hsopital and then coming home empty armed buyt seeing his clothes, bottles and other bits of his just lying about, even his things in the wash would just be too much.

I have the uptmost respect for you to have carried on, I know people call us strong but the reality is what choice do we have? It is not easy though and knowing the pain I felt losing Thomas I can truly begin to understand the pain you had and still have lfor osing your daughter.

I find it kind of comforting that you still think so much of her and still shed tear for her over six years down the line as a biggest fear I had was that in time I would forget Thomas but I know from others like yourself that time makes no difference, our babies will always be missed and they will always be loved adn very much part of our lives.

What was your little girl called?

Lynda xx

**Blessed Mum** · 28-05-2006 18:37

Hi Shelly,
Your story about your daughter has touched me also. I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through. You have true stength. Never let go of your memories & keep on cherishing her memory - that's beautiful. Remember your angel will always be with you

Tara

***Chels*** · 28-05-2006 20:24

I cried reading your post!!
Im so very sorry for your loss of your wee girl!
I cant even imagine how hard that must have been for you.I dont really know what to say,as nothing will help take the pain away.just know that there are some fantastic,supportive people on this site that will always be there to listen when you need to talk.

**Angelinalily** · 28-05-2006 22:54

Big Hugs to you. Thanks for sharing your story. I can't begin to imagine the pain you have been through.

She will always be your daughter, so I think some part of you will always ache for her and cry for her whether it be 6 years on, or 60 years on. I lost a baby at 19 weeks gestation, and there sometimes feels like there is part of me missing too. I don't think it goes away, I think it just becomes our new reality and we learn to live with it. Life can be good again, but never the same.

I also have 2 other children and it does make you really appreciate what true miracles they are.