I can't trust the in-laws..help!!

[wonkey22]

Hi Guys

If I sound a bit vague it is because I am trying to give out information without giving out information...you never know who is reading it. I need a management strategy on dealing with my mother-in-law. She lives on the other side of Australia but I feel like she plays a part in my life every day. I have arranged some time with her in the next month so she can see her first grandchild to the family who is seven months now and I am not excited about going....I feel it is my duty.

She wants to take him out and show him off all day to her friends even if i can't make it not considering he needs sleep, he won't be used to the climate change and won't be used to her and past gatherings have resulted in me thinking how the hell did we come out alive eg my bub having a chuck and she justs lets him spew all over himself without making sure he isn't choking just so she can get the 700th photo for that morning. Heaps more stuff and comments like..."if that is how you want to bring up your child" and "if you are going to Bali leave bub behind so he doesn't get blown up" not really caring about us
.
Hubby just laughs and ignores and that is what he tells me too. What do I do???

Wonkey

[Beany]

I'd just retort to her comments in a way she wouldn't expect and so hope to leave her gobsmacked.

Her: "Oh if that's really how you want to raise your child."
You: "Yes it is, thank you for understanding. Have a cookie."

Her: "If you're going to Bali, leave the child behind so he won't get blown up/"
You: "Nah, I'd rather have his company in heaven. Have a cookie."

Her: (because she'll likely raise the stakes) "You're raising a delinquent!"
You: "Awesome. Maybe he'll steal me a decent car."

And don't feel any compunction just going up to her and taking the baby away if he's distressed. Just say firmly "oh you want your mummy, don't you?" to the baby, and take him away. If she starts a tug of war, just laugh cheerily and say "oh look, granny doesn't want to let go! She wants you to marinate in your own vomit and become all smelly and sticky and nasty!"

She'll let go. Offer her a cookie.

[misskittyfantastico]

Yours sounds like mine. I have developed the Homer Simpsons strategy...she speaks and all I here is "bla blaa bla bla blaa" when the the blas stop I vaguely nod my head. And my MIL lives in the same town *shudder*

[*Chels*]

Lay down the law!!and do it now!!!
My MIL is so annoying,always telling us how to raise our son and interferring in our life.
One day she totally crossed the line,and I refused to speak to her.I made DF ring her and tell her to back off.I used to take DS to see her once a week,but have no stopped because of her behaviour!!
I hope shes learnt her lesson,shes not so annoying these days.
I think its kinda our fault because we let her get away with being such a interferring stickybeak for so long!!
anyways...you gotta tell her NOW!!say that she wont be taking your bubba for a day,you have a rountine,YOURE the parent.
As for that Bali comment-tell her to grow up!!!
You cant let the horrid MILs get away with stuff or else they will just keep doing it!!
Best of luck with it all!!just wanted u to know youre not alone!!most of us are in the same boat!!

[SJE]

Tell her a house might fall on her and then you'll steal her shoes - Ha Ha!!

Just kidding

That's a toughie..

Dealing with mother in laws can be difficult because it's your husbands family.
I thinks it's important to deal with them firmly but politely esp due to that connection.
Perhaps it's her sense of humour???
I would be glad she doesn't live locally

By the sounds of it she is treating him like a toy or a way to get attention. I would allow interaction but I would not let her have him on her own or hand him around.
I would watch her like a hawk.
You never know what bugs her friends are carrying or what they will do to him.

[wonkey22]

I couldn't help but fall on the ground laughing...thanks guys, I think that I'll go armed with a batch of cookies and grab the bull by the horns - or should I say cow!!

I feel that the "come to mummy..you want mummy" method is going to be fantastic because she wouldn't know better.

He is just a trophy for her to show off and I am so scared that she would forget to feed him and change him just for the chance to get the 701th photo shot.

Keep the suggestions coming...I am half excited about going now just to apply the you are stupid method and back off now method!!

[worms]

I don't want to be rude here and definately don't mean to offend but I am going to try to see it from your MIL point of view.


You say she lives on the other side of the country and your son is her first grandchild. I can understand her wanting to take lots of photos of him - obviously she doesn't see him often so of course she is going to want her memories.

Is he her only grandchild? If so, I can also understand her wanting to spend lots of time with him while you are visiting too.

Do you have friends where she lives? Why wouldn't you be able to make it if she wants to show him off to her friends? Obviously you will be there for a certain amount of time so if you are worried about her taking him without you just make it a day that you can make it too. Then, as his mother, you can make sure he is asleep when he needs to be etc. I can understand why she would want to show him off too. Obviously she is very proud of him.

She just sounds like a proud grandmother to me. She is probably just very excited about your visit. Does she know how you feel about this?

Also, if you don't want to go then don't go. Why is it your duty? Why couldn't she come to see you instead? You have a good excuse for not seeing her - your son is only 7 months old - travel may not be good for him at this age etc if you know what I mean. You could think of plenty of excuses. Why waste your money to go to the other side of the country if you really don't want to go?

Again, I don't want to offend. I just thought I would give you another point of view. Maybe you are just being too hard on someone that wants to dote on her new grandchild.

[V8]

I agree with worms, sounds to me like she is a proud grandmother. Sometimes they can be a little oblivious to routine, etc etc, and are just loving having a grandchild to play with. I wouldn't let her take him to her friends house though, why can't her friends come and visit at her place so at least bubs has a cot and everything there. My MIL is exactly like this, says comments here and there but i know that she loves her grandson, and just think she is only going to see him for a short while, let her have her time and get home and you won't have to go there again for a long time.

[reAllytee]

Sorry i have a MIL like this & it isnt because she is proud its a case of wanting to look good in front of everyone else & to show off.
Its not fun & some may think its them "meaning well" but it isnt & its hard to explain to others when they just dont understand.


I havent got much to add as Beany just said it all
Honestly thats what i do now with the " oh you want Mama " she doesnt like it but she cant say anything !
Good luck i hope things go better than your hoping

[Milliner]

Oh MILs!!!! They seem to not care about routine or sleep for bubs just there own satisfaction of showing off the bubs to their friends!!! My MIL comes over and wants me to wake DS up so she can see him, I'm like are you going to try and get him back to sleep for the next 4 hours!!!! NO!!! It's ok for them to let their routine go out the door but they will not deal with the aftermarth.. (sp)