sorry if this is the wrong place to put this...I dont mind if no-one replies, I just felt i needed to put this somewhere, felt right.
Tomorrow, the 26th of MAY 2006, was my angel ashleighs Estimated Due Date. the day he was meant to be bought into this world, The day i was finally going to get to meet him...
now its just gonna be another day...
We lost Ashleigh at 14 weeks last year.(incomplete m/c) I'm still not over it, I'm not sure I've come to terms with it.
Now, I'm all abit mixed up, as we're now also 10 weeks pregnant with our next bub. (i love this bub so much too! and i loved ashleigh so much!)
I feel bad when I start thinking that i wish I'd never lost ashleigh, as that would mean I wouldnt have this beautiful little miracle bubs growin inside me now.
I feel bad when i think that I'm so happy about this baby, it almost feels like I'm disrespecting ashleighs memory...
I'm a big mess.
I'm not sure how to feel...
So i guess i just wanted to say to my angel,
happy bithday for tomorrow, even if you never made it to your birth, I'll never ever forget you ashleigh.
How am i meant to act tomorrow? Am i allowed to be upset? Is it wrong not to be? Am i just a big mental case? Will i give this bubs growing in my belly bad vibes if i get too upset tomorrow? I dont want to upset this bubs, I dont want to disrespect my angel either by pretending tomorrow is not abig deal for me emotionally...
You know, you think that all the tears have been cried out, that there could possibly be no more left, and then it all comes again,
i'm going to try and have a positive day, for me, and for this bubs, and we'll honour ashleighs memory somehow, in a positive way! We'll go down the beach or somethin?! Say a prayer for my angel.
~ mummy to an angel ~
~ and ~
~ a mummy-to-be ~