our first babies EDD was to be tomorrow, now an angels day

**zafyrezmummy** · 25-05-2006 23:25

sorry if this is the wrong place to put this...I dont mind if no-one replies, I just felt i needed to put this somewhere, felt right.

Tomorrow, the 26th of MAY 2006, was my angel ashleighs Estimated Due Date. the day he was meant to be bought into this world, The day i was finally going to get to meet him...

now its just gonna be another day...

We lost Ashleigh at 14 weeks last year.(incomplete m/c) I'm still not over it, I'm not sure I've come to terms with it.

Now, I'm all abit mixed up, as we're now also 10 weeks pregnant with our next bub. (i love this bub so much too!

and i loved ashleigh so much!)

I feel bad when I start thinking that i wish I'd never lost ashleigh, as that would mean I wouldnt have this beautiful little miracle bubs growin inside me now.
I feel bad when i think that I'm so happy about this baby, it almost feels like I'm disrespecting ashleighs memory...

I'm a big mess.

I'm not sure how to feel...

So i guess i just wanted to say to my angel,
happy bithday for tomorrow, even if you never made it to your birth, I'll never ever forget you ashleigh.

How am i meant to act tomorrow? Am i allowed to be upset? Is it wrong not to be? Am i just a big mental case? Will i give this bubs growing in my belly bad vibes if i get too upset tomorrow? I dont want to upset this bubs, I dont want to disrespect my angel either by pretending tomorrow is not abig deal for me emotionally...
You know, you think that all the tears have been cried out, that there could possibly be no more left, and then it all comes again,
i'm going to try and have a positive day, for me, and for this bubs, and we'll honour ashleighs memory somehow, in a positive way! We'll go down the beach or somethin?! Say a prayer for my angel.

~dimarie~
~ mummy to an angel ~
~ and ~
~ a mummy-to-be ~
~

~

**lilmissymoo** · 25-05-2006 23:41

im so sorry for your loss.

If you do decide to go down to the beach why not go around sunset, take some helium balloons with you, and just as the sun is being washed away by the ocean make a wish or say what is in your heart and send your message up to your precious angel.
Or you can get a special candle, light it, then say what you want to say, by blowing the candle out , your message will reach your little one.

Happy Birthday Ashleigh for tomorrow, You would have made your parents proud.

Just take some comfort in knowing that Ashleigh will always be watching over you, No matter what you maybe doing.

sending

to you all

**misskittyfantastico** · 25-05-2006 23:52

Happy birthday Ashleigh. You are in my thoughts and prayers

**rynosmum** · 26-05-2006 06:55

You're not disrespecting either of your bubbas so don't be concerned. I felt the same way, joy at the new baby in my tummy, sadness about the little angel who didn't make it. Very bittersweet as I will always know that if we hadn't lost our angel, we would never have had our wonderful little boy.

Oh, and 3 years later I still get teary about it.

Hugs to you and happy birthday to angel Ashleigh.

**Irish Dad** · 26-05-2006 07:11

Hey I think all your feelings are totally normal and I guess all I can say is that some things are meant to be however painfull the outcome is. My youngest son was lucky to make it after being on life support after birth and I can't start to imagine how your lose must feel

Tomorrows a very special day, you've made me shed a tear

**cjb/jbvd** · 26-05-2006 07:50

can't begin to understand how you feel.
all i can offer is

i'm sure that wherever ashleigh is, he knows how much you love him. and i'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel guilty for loving your secong bub just as much.

he will watch over both of you.

**Percy** · 26-05-2006 08:21

Hello

I had my sons EDD in February and it was unbelievably hard. I lost him at 15 weeks and im not over him either.

I can understand how you are feeling. I have a gorgeous one year old, and if I hadnt of lost THomas then i wouldnt have jake, so it is a very confusing feeling.

I dont think the pain ever goes away, perhaps just dulls down after a while.

My thought are with you, and happy birthday to your darling little ashleigh.

Hugs to you.

Katie

**Bron** · 26-05-2006 08:23

What a challenging day for you. I found our daughter's EDD to be very difficult in January this year. Give yourself some quiet time to reflect. It is perfectly OK to feel sad and to mourn this loss. Your grief is real.

We're all here, and many of us have been there. I'm thinking of you.