Happy with just one? Chat to me!

[naiwen]

Hello

Over the Christmas break DH and I talked it over and decided once and for all that we will not be having any more.

We both feel that the risk is just to great, if the next baby came at 20-24 weeks or my liver shut down completely then our family would be devastated and we do not feel it is worth it when we have one beautifull perfect child.

Also I think that one of the things that was preventing me from feeling complete with just DS was my worries about all the nonsense people spout about only children spoilied/selfish/lonely etc.

I am now in a place where I dont care what others think of my choice and I know DS can be well rounded and happy without me producing another sibling to satisfy convention.

I am getting implanon put in this week .

It's nice to know I will be able to just focus on DS and help him grow .

So please chat to me, do you get much negativity for your choice to have one? When did you know you did not want any more? Has your child ever asked for siblings?

[naiwen]

Bumpity bump!

[Ashleigh<3]

I guess I get a lot of negativity from people, simply because of my age.
They assume, "Bah, you're too young to make such a serious decision".
But I'm truly happy with just the one.
Coincidentally, my health is in order, my hormones are regular and I'm not clucky! I am stoked and have NO plans whatsoever for more.

[Loopy Linda]

well obviously i am not mother of lone child,

but i did want to say doesn't your attitude change after a) sn child, b) making a decision for no more kids.

after Gordy's birth i was too scared to try again. i got over the fear and did consider one more.

then when you are happy with your decision you ( well I) started to make all these life plans. like when i was consdering another my future sort of consisted of in such amount of time have a baby, in so many years start to look at work etc. now i know there is no more babies ( and i am happy with it) i have different plans. work and future plans for dh and i are so different knowing that our family is complete right now.

i am sure Edward will be a very rounded young boy. also by being an only child it increases the amount of oppurtunities you and dh are able to provide him with, he is a very lucky and loved little boy and that is all that matters

[naiwen]

Good for you Ashleigh!

Even at 29 I am sure people will tell me that I will change my mind, but I am quite capable of knowing what I want and sticking with it LOL.

I think if your child has plenty of friends there is no reason why they cant be social.

[naiwen]

Thanks Linda,

Yep I think DS being a SN child is part of it, knowing how much time and energy he needs was a consideration.

Just being happy and at peace with my decision makes me feel so much better, it's a cliche but he is so perfect and special that we just do not feel the need for another!

[Leisa21]

Well done on making a decision, it must feel truly wonderful to have the wonder taken away. I know thats one thing that gets me. I always said I would have 3, or more. I thought I wouldn't feel complete until I had lots of kids to fuss over. DH was the same, we both wanted a huge family. But we talk all the time and say how happy we are just the three, we feel complete. How could life get any better. Our only thing is we worry that he will be lonely and we want him to have what we had growing up. I get very, very clucky over babies but the truth is I dont really want another.

I feel the pressure to have more (mainly from myself) I know I didnt go through what you did with Edward but I did have a very scary pregnancy with PE and other concerns and I too am worried something will go wrong. After our loss we also feel like it was a sign to say stop, sit back and enjoy what you have.

But yeah, long story short, we are happy with one, very happy. I dont know if I can say we wont be having any more though so you probably dont want my opinion. I just thought I'd share as its not that I want more its that I feel pressure that I should. I cant wait until we make a firm decision on what we will do.

[naiwen]

LOL I do want your opinion, I used to worry that Edward would be lonely but I had a brother growing up and by the time I was 2 he was 8 and at boarding school so I was practically an only child anyway!

I used to say I wanted four but I dont want to have kids just because thats what everyone does or to make up the numbers, I only want to have them if I want them with all my heart and soul.

Very cheesy sounding but even before I had DS I had dreams of a blond little boy with blue eyes that was my son, in the womb I knew he was a boy with blond hair. I have such a deep connection with him it's hard to describe really!

[Leisa21]

Hooray, I'm always happy to give it.

Thats how I feel too, I desperately wanted children. I wasnt supposed to be able to naturally and it happened, quite easily too. I desperately wanted Aidan he was so yearned for with all my heard and soul. How could I have another child just because I feel I have to. I worry I would resent it, even though I'm sure I wouldn't. I dont thinks its fair to my any other children.

And its so not cheesy I used to say my first child would be a boy, I knew he would be Aidan and when I was pregnant from the beginning I knew that what we were having. I'm obsessed with Aidan (hopefully in a good way lol) I know what you mean, I'm also worried that another baby will change what we have.

[naiwen]

LMAO it's a good thing you are not 29 otherwise I would be worried we were separated at birth!

Please dont think I am trying to say you shouldnt have another baby BTW, I am just explaining my own conditions for myself IYKWIM.

I just seem to have arrived at a space where I know that just one is right for all of us, I have finally managed to shed any feelings of guilt over not giving DS another brother or sister, after all what child would want to know they were only born because we thought we should to make up the numbers!

I think I have known in my heart for a while that he is the only one for me but I needed to get used to that and feel comfortable with it.

No one thinks badly of you for only having one husband or for having 3 (in a row lol) so why is it any different with children!