When parenting styles clash!

[Lilyloo]

DH and I had very different upbringings, and as a result, we both have very different parenting styles.

It wasn't so obvious when DD was younger, but as she's getting older, I'm starting to see just how different our views are.

Some examples:

DH "Why can't she watch TV all day, TV is educational"
DH "Let her have ice-cream, let her have lollies and chips, she's a kid, they love it, I always had these things and I'm fine, and not overweight.
DH: Why can't she stay up all night, who cares about routine.
DH: "Why does she need vegetables every night, they're bland and boring."
DH: Lets teach her silly words, that make no sense, it's funny!

These might seem like minor things, (and there are many more ways in which we clash) but collectively it's starting to really get on my nerves.

It's putting a bit of a strain on our relationship, and I feel like i'm always telling him what to do, or what not to say to her, and I really don't want to be the one to say "do it my way, my way is right", he's just doing, what he knows.

Guess I'm looking for some advise, from anyone in a similar situation, how do you deal with it?

[supergeek]

Hmmm its hard when parents disagree on how to raise their kids.

I would prop just sit down and talk about which one's are really importent like explane why its impotant to have fruit and veggies everyday aposed to her eating ice-cream and cookies in the long run.

And ask him if he would like her to stay up all night would he like to stay home all day and deal with an overly cranky baby.

You just need to deside which rules are importent to you both.

[UmmInayah]

My DH gives my DD lollies ALL the time, and I mean ALL the time. He always goes on about how she's a child and to let her just enjoy it. GRRRR Gets on my nerves SO much, but the more I tell him not to do it, the more he does it!

So I have been ignoring it, and honestly, he doesn't give her them near as much as he did before.

I've learnt that the more I tell him not to do something, the more he is likely to do it, and if I tell him TO do something a certain way, he isn't going to listen and will purposely do it the way I said not to.

Anyway, he is her dad too and as much as I hate the way he thinks, I have learnt to let it go. I just do whatever I want, and leave him to it. If I want to put her to bed at a certain time, I will do it, I don't ask him for help etc.

[misskittyfantastico]

I tend to lead most of the parenting choices in our home, just because I'm the one with them the majority of the time. I tend to tell DH about any new stuff (ie those bikkies make DD go stupid, DS is into this toy) and he respects that...mostly. I know he'd like to smack DD on occasion - and so would I! - but it's not something I agree with and I've given him literature on it all and said "Here! If you can come up with anything better, just let me know"

[Bubs'n'Roses]

Oh yeah, DP and I have had this issue many a time - often it ends with him going 'fine, I just wont do anything'. He had a rather violent upbringing by his dope of a mother and I - and the law if we're gonna get into it - disagree with a lot of the ways she raised him which has rubbed off on him. We all just do what we know, and its unfortunate sometimes that what our partners - or ourselves - know is probably not the best thing. I've sat DP down and basically 'look, theres a different way to deal with DD ignoring you or when she says something naughty etc rather than belting her or screaming at her til you're red in the face'.

I would really suggest sitting down and having a chat with him, toss around your ideas and ask him for his thoughts. You might have to pick your battles, let some small things go. Or let him do it his way for a night, feeding DD lollies and letting her stay up all night might be just what he just needs to see that maybe there's a reason you are suggesting things be done a different way. I hope that made sense. Its way past my bed time lol.

[bootiful]

tell your hubby to come with you to an appointment @ the child heath nurse and let her hammer into him the importance of a healthy diet, its not just weight gain that is a factor, its diabetes, cholesterol and heart disease.

he will see in a few years time how much a routine is needed and as for the watching tv all day he is just asking to have a lazy child.

[Lilyloo]

Thanks for all you suggestions.

Rosebones - DH is just like that too. He'll say, "Fine, I'm just trying to help, can't I help? or "Ok I won't talk to her then"

Marna, I often do try to ignore the junk food thing. I just find that if I carry on about i, we'll end up in an argument, so if it's a chip here or a lolly there, I'll just try to bite my tounge and let it go. I feel terrible always telling him what he's doing is wrong. It's bound to make him loose confidence in being a father.

angelbaby013- that's a great idea about taking him to see the early childhoon nurse. I could bring up TV and Junk food etc, and see what she has to say about it.

Thanks again.

[ellie13]

lol......when my DH says....my parents did it this way and look at me...I am fine...I just turn around and say...precisely,look at you, what a disaster......lol

I say to him...his parents were his parents and he was him.....I am myself and do thigs my way, I am just trying to do what I think is best and as long as I am the primary carer, than I have the main say....lol

[mim1]

Basically it sounds like you need to sit down and have a chat. But, by that I don't mean pick on your husband kind of chat. You need to sit down and seriously discuss your parenting styles. Although you've used some examples of where you clash, surely your dh has some ideas (possibly some he hasn't shared) that are good ideas. Perhaps he is more flexible and that's not always a bad thing. Children don't need vegies at every dinner and they can stay up late sometimes.

Telling him all his ideas about parenting are bad is not going to help. Perhaps you could go to a parenting course together or both read a parenting book together? Admit that you don't know everything (no parent does) and really go into it yourself with the mentality that you could learn more too.