"I don't get to spend xmas with her so i want to spend her bday with her"

[munchie]

Delete

[Benji]

I wouldn't go lol. I'm sure you would actually like to enjoy your daughter's first birthday.

If she wants to see her that bad, she can fly over to you!

[Baldie's Mum]

Your the mother. You do what needs to be done! I am sorry but your MIL is just cause she can. She is using $$ and your DD as blakmail!

Its your god given right to say no to her. It is not her child. Even though she is the Grandma, and i believe that GP's are very important to bubbas but your going out of your way to go to her.

What happened to her 2 legs. Why cant she travel???

Stay strong sweetness!

[MrsMiggins]

Just tell her thank you for her kind offer & that you really appreciate it, but that you've already booked everything, not to mention that you have other people you need to include in your plans. As for DD's birthday, tell them that your family have already organised something for her, so you can't make it, but will look forward to perhaps having another little birthday celebration when you come to visit.

I think the way to go is to be very humble & grateful to her (even if you have to force it! ) but also very firm in what YOU will be doing. Speak to her as though this is what you WILL be doing.

I hope it works out well for you!

[munchie]

Half the reason Im going down there is to catch up with my family and friends too - as well as her.

I wish i could stand up to people sometimes.
People see a weakness and use it against you.

[munchie]

Just tell her thank you for her kind offer & that you really appreciate it, but that you've already booked everything, not to mention that you have other people you need to include in your plans. As for DD's birthday, tell them that your family have already organised something for her, so you can't make it, but will look forward to perhaps having another little birthday celebration when you come to visit.

I think the way to go is to be very humble & grateful to her (even if you have to force it! ) but also very firm in what YOU will be doing. Speak to her as though this is what you WILL be doing.

I hope it works out well for you!

She has told me notto book anything yet lol Im waiting for her confirmation to book it all arghhh why do i get myself into these messes and be firmer in the first place!!

great advice there thankyou

[MrsMiggins]

You could always tell her you were looking on wotif/lastminute.com etc and found a great deal you couldn't pass up & had to book it immediately! Make out like you were doing her a favour, getting it all organised without her having to worry about it. "I know you've got a lot on your plate & I didn't want to inconvenience you!"

[munchie]

You could always tell her you were looking on wotif/lastminute.com etc and found a great deal you couldn't pass up & had to book it immediately! Make out like you were doing her a favour, getting it all organised without her having to worry about it. "I know you've got a lot on your plate & I didn't want to inconvenience you!"

oh that is an idea and a half!!! hehehe thankyou

[jaq]

Is there any reason you couldn't have one birthday celebration, at your family's place? Spend the morning with your family, then do the party - MIL invited, of course - and then maybe you could go over to hers in the afternoon so they can have some personal time?

I do understand the problem (we live interstate from gp also) but it think its important to be scrupulously fair with this sort of thing. Obviously, you are going to favour your parents/family, but can you imagine how she must feel? She must be terrified that the breakup of your relationship with her son will mean her granddaughter will vanish from her life. Your family knows for a fact that she won't, so I would be inclined to indulge her in this particular case.

The fact that she is controlling, manipulative etc is annoying and difficult to deal with, but she is also keen to be involved in your daughters' life. Can any child have too many people to love them?

[Cades]

Shes very controlling - like her son

I was just going to say, reading your OP seemed like a bit of a window into why she's your ex mother-in-law!

I don't intend this to sound harsh, but for the sake of your daughter and your own sanity you need to start standing up for yourself and doing what's best for yourself, and for her, and not everyone else on the planet.

Tell her straight out. You are visiting her in the course of your travels to whatever state, and she is not the sole reason for visiting. As such, you are making your own arrangements, booking your own accommodation and staying where it is convenient to you. You are spending your daughter's birthday in the way you originally planned, and you will see her afterwards. She can be fine with this, or not. That's her choice.

What is the worst that will happen? She'll not like you? She won't speak to you? She'll be annoying? I can't see anything but win, if you stand up for yourself!