more confused than I thought possible, help!

[lizzieiscontented]

hello everyone, I am new here and desperately seeking some advice and support. I am 22 years old and a few days ago I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. I have never felt so worried and anxious in my whole life. I go from one minute thinking that the most responsible thing to do would be to abort but the idea of terminating my baby upsets me. The next minute I think I want to go through with the pregnancy. I only work two days a week and I am a full-time uni student. It seems irresponsible to me to think I could raise a child. The confusion is not subsiding and I really need some advice from people who might empathise with what I am going through.

Yours in anticipation, Lizzie...

[gonnabeaGR8mum]

While i have never been in your situation i have viewed it from the outside as friends have tried to make this agonising decision. and there is no universal right answer.
putting aside your perceptions of how society would view you. how do you feel about continuing the prgnancy/aborting?

i personally don't think it is at all irresponsible at 22 to decide to raise this baby why do you thik this? If its due to inexperience with kids, i'm sure any mum would tell you (as many have told me since falling pregnant) there is no way of being totally prepared for a baby wither emotionally, financially or physically, yet none of them have ever regretted having their children- there must be a reason for that surely?!? With friends and family support i'm sure you would do an awesome job. you havene't mentioned a partner, but even as a single mum i have faith that you can do it if you believe in yourself.

the fact that terminating the pregnancy upsets you already and that you are thinking of the foetus as a baby says to me that you may have difficulty coming to terms with your decision should you decide to terminate- in which case i would suggest having a good talk with the counsellor first and afterwards.

i have had many friends at uni who were young mums (some single, some not) and they all coped admirably! they often had more drive and ambition cause they were doing this not only for themselves but for their family too. Most unis have childcare facilities on campus (if your family/friends/partner are not available to help out) and allowances can often be made for coursework etc.

i really hope you find an answer. i can only imagine the anxiety and worry as its such a momentus decision- but listen to your heart (note heart, not necesarily your head) and it will stear you to the right choice

[raisingthree]

I understand where you are coming from - different situation but I still had a difficult time with coming to terms with the baby I was carrying when my husband walked out on me.

I had him (I too could not stand the thought of a termination) and its a decision I have never regretted.

My only advice is that you must be 100% confident in your decision. I could never regret having a child but would always regret having a termination.

- I hope you make a choice that you are content with.

[lizzieiscontented]

thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful post. It was much needed at this late hour on a friday night lol.

I do have a partner of 5 years and he is very supportive of me. However, he is older than me and has already had children. I'm not sure if this could pose any problems in the future or not.

The person I am most concerned about is my mother. When I broke the news to her she flipped out, so to speak. To say that she is not supporting me having a baby now would be the year's biggest understatement! My Mum had my older brother when she was 16, however, and she was alone and it was really hard for her.

She told me flatly that she will not support me going through with the pregnancy and that it would be a big mistake. has really got my head very muddled up!

[lizzieiscontented]

I only wish that I could be 100% confident in my decision :P

[raisingthree]

She will get over it and come around with time. Surround yourself with supportive people and by that I don't mean people telling you "what to do" but being there for you whatever your decision.

The most important thing is for you to make the decision that is right for you - try and put other people out of your head, even your partner and just think about what you want.

Then discuss it with your partner.

Then whoever else.

You are the priority here.

I had many people who thought I was crazy for having my second baby and my third with my new partner but I just had to keep going back to what I wanted and when I did that I knew what I wanted to do.

Once that little grandchild of hers is here - she won't be able to resist

[JenL]

Sending you big hugs!

To start with this decision is yours and yours alone, people can advise you in either direction but in the end this is your body and your baby. It is something you have to live with for the rest of your life.

I am sure your mother only wants what's best for you and maybe she is worried about your UNI and the fact you are unmarried or with your DP that is older with children. Mothers have a really crappy way of showing they care!

In the end none of it really matters, life has a really funny way of working itself out. No matter what you decide you need to be confident and happy with the decision because it is one you are stuck with for life.

[lizzieiscontented]

I feel like I should listen to my Mum because she has been through it before and she also knows me very well. She thinks I am not ready and I have never had a child so I feel very naive. A big part of me wants this baby because I am a little bit of a fatalist, but another part of me is also very happy with the way my life is at the moment. Also, I share my house with another couple. They are very supportive and are excited about the baby. I am scared that this might be a little silly of them and they might not realise what they are getting themselves in to lol

[Pax]

I had my first baby at 21 and to be honest i think it is the best thing i have ever done with my life.

so many women wait too long and cant have them.. this baby is a gift for you..

best of luck.

[CaitlinArai22]

Sweetheart, i know your mums heart is in the right place, she obviously doesntwant to see her babies struggelling like she did.
But i would keep in mind that having a baby at 22 now, is VERY different from having a baby at 16 over 20 years ago! as GonnabeaGR8mum said, there are systems and services at school to help out, and childcare is more accessable. it is acceptable to be in school and have a child, there arent the same social restrictions.
Guess what? i've never had a child before either - in fact noone has until they have! I get so tire of hearing "you're not ready" and "you dont know what you're letting yourself in for". Well, duh, if its stuff i wont understand until i have children, i obviously dont understand it yet.
I didnt know how to swim at one stage, that wasnt a good reason not to learn!!

I'm not telling you to or not to have the baby, i'm just saying, dont allow scare statements with no real value or lesson to contribute towards your decision!

I would first find out the servioces available to you at school, and out, daycare services in your area, work out what benifits you'd be entitled to, and childcare rebates, etc.
then i'd sit down and write up a "life plan" or timetable for if you were going to go ahead with it.
write up every change that will be made, and how it will fit together - ie if you have to take bub to daycare, how much earlier will you have to leave the house? will there be services at school, or will you need to factor in extra petrol money to go elsewhere? If you're planning on b/fing, will you be able to schedual time between classes to go give bub a meal, etc.if there are young mum groups in the area, how would they factor into your timetable - cause these could be really nessisary if you're feeling alone.

Maybe by looking at it this way, just the simple predictable changes (obviously somethings will pop up you dont expect or arent "ready" for - that always going to happen first bub!), you'll be able to assess if this is something you could responcibly fit into your life, if thats your main concern? then after seeing if its "practical" for you or not, you can talk to a councellor and work out if its what you actually want.

many women fihnd their priorities change after falling pregnant/having a baby. Women that dreamed of careers and flashy cars and clothes, suddenly want to leave their jobs and deplomas and become sahms, and make hearty meals and fold the sheets and be really "mumlike", and i think thats cool. for some of us the greatest joy we will ever know/desire is to be a great mum and/or wife, and i honestly believe thats an admirable thing to aim for.

You need t decide what you want from life, and how you want to get to where you want to be. there is no reason why you cant be successfull with a bubby on yur hip, there is also no reason you have to do that if you dont want to!!!
you still have time, just make sure you are happy with your decision.
good luck

I feel like I should listen to my Mum because she has been through it before and she also knows me very well. She thinks I am not ready and I have never had a child so I feel very naive. A big part of me wants this baby because I am a little bit of a fatalist, but another part of me is also very happy with the way my life is at the moment. Also, I share my house with another couple. They are very supportive and are excited about the baby. I am scared that this might be a little silly of them and they might not realise what they are getting themselves in to lol