feeling out of ideas and energy

[c38]

My 4mth old just doesnt not seem to wind down.
He only sleeps 30-50minutes of a day, takes about 2-3hours to get to finally stay asleep of a night..then sleeps 3-4hr stretches ie wakes 2-3x overnight but bf then goes straight back to bed9/10x.

The nighttime is not a problem for me as I know he will go back to sleep calmly most of the time. Its the LONG days. He wont BF to sleep during the day for some reason...gets restless and pulls off at the end of feeds/fusses etc.. (weirdly doesnot do this overnight).
As soon as I see tired signs I pick him up, take him to his room which is dimmer and try to get him to slow down. But he wriggles and fights and protests... The only way I can get him to sleep is by vigourous rocking or bouncing on the fitball or by walking round and round the house. It takes on average 15-20minutes every sleep..by evening its takes anything from 2-3 hours of this (after a bath and massage)

I know hes overtired by evenings which is half his problem, so I try not to let him be awake longer then 60-90minutes....or if hes only slept 20minutes try to resettle him..

I feel like all I do is try to get him to sleep.
Somedays I get teary everytime I see him get tired as I'm anxious about the "battle" ahead. By the end of the day Im ehausted. Often there is little or no playtime as I put him to sleep..he wakes20mins later...so I put him to sleep(taking15-20min) he wakes 10-15minlater.....I put him to sleep he sleeps 30 minutes...

He wont sleep in bed with me (I would have loved to cosleep) He just gets restless and wants the boob, but because hes not hungry or gets wind??who knows...ends up fussing pulling on and off and getting more and more distressed and restless.

I am tired and distressed...
Its getting to the stage where somedays I just dont enjoy him at all... which makes me so sad
No one else can get him to sleep...he just ends up in a screaming mess.
I did try the sussh shussh pat pat, in bed method but he ended up so distressed it would then take ages to calm him so I could get him to sleep.
Rocking in the pram is the same
He will sleep in the sling..but only while you walk (I have done 2 hour walks on somedays just to gethim to sleep)
He doesnt like the car either...80% of the time screams.... So its no use taking him for a drive..


I keep repeating that he wont be a baby for long... but its getting redicculous

I dread going anywhere as he wont sleep in the pram with all the distraction. (he was the one awake while all the other bubs at new mums slept ).

My mum organised a surprise BBQ here the other week to "cheer me up" as I dont go anywhere and didnt want to go out. I ended up in his bedroom pacing with him for most of the evening as he was so overstimulated. I wont be able to go to my work christmas dinner... as I will be stressed knowing he is at home screaming. I am dreading Christmas Eve...which is a big family event for us...as I know he will just be beside himself with all the stimulation...



I know there are no magic answers
My parents keep saying formula... the thought of giving up bf makes me feel even more of a failure so theres no way I want to even try that. I am thinking I may try solids at 5mths..and see if that helps
Other mumble about CC. Apart from the fact I couldnt do it anyhow,,,and he's far too young even if I was considering it. I really dont think that would work. As I say, Ive tried the sush/pat. Also on a few occasions when hes been calm putting him in bed and sitting just out of site in the room....he lies awake staring round for 20 minutes....starts to grumble..and even if I intervene then by patting or picking him up..he starts to esculate....and basically it goes back to bounding on the ball or pacing...


Just needed to vent

[~mia&ryan~]

You poor thing, you sound totally exhausted.

Do you wrap? DD was like that until we started wrapping her for her day sleeps as well as her night sleep. How long is bub up for at a time, DD and DS I would only leave awake for 1 1/2 hours max before I took them in and popped them off to sleep. Any longer and they would get super overtired and cranky.

What I do with DS if he isn't settling properly for a sleep is persist for about 1 hour (of course not if he is crying), I mean rocking, cuddling whatever, then if he hasn't settled and gone to sleep I feed him again then put him straight down after the sleep. It usually works perfectly and he has a big sleep.

Have you tried a sling, bubs might like being close to you and the movement while you are doing things.

I don't think that changing to formula would make a difference, it truly does sound like he is overtired and it is a cycle that can take a bit of time to break. Good luck and I hope someone comes along with better advice than mine.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Oh honey, I went through that sort of thing too, it was one of the hardest things I've done.
Do you have decent family support? I know that people will push CC (or at least my inlaws did, and my mum kept saying that I'll have to let him cry for a few minutes one day), but after 7 months I haven't yet! In fact I get worried when I leave him with someone else - in case they do!

My DS still screams in the car 9/10 trips, when we turn him I think he'll settle down a lot. He's just too damn nosey!!

He won't sit in the pram for long at all, and only will now that he can sit on the highest setting.

He used to do the same thing with the sling, so I'd do the cleaning with him in the sling... it made me feel a lot better to see I had a clean-ish house, even though I had a crazy baby.

One of my biggest things in making sure I actually ate was my slow cooker. I bought it after the crazy period, but even now he's still pretty sensitive so it comes in handy for putting dinner on at lunch time when he's settled or having a nap.

My baby was the only one who screeeeaamed the whole way through my new mums group. All of the others would occasionally cry or sook, mine screamed through at minimum half of it. But it turned out to be one of my saving graces. They've saved my sanity, knowing that other mum's occasionally go through the same thing.

My DS sometimes feeds to sleep now, he never would before. Bad habit, but if thats what it takes!! Loooots of rocking and calls to either my DF or my mum saying how hard it is

If you ever need to vent about it, feel free to PM me, or if you live in SW Sydney, a meet might be a beneficial thing... proof you can get through it

[lindachacha]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. Your story reminds me so much of the time I had with my first daughter. The hours spent trying so hard to get her to sleep, putting in all that effort and then finding she'd only sleep for 30-45 minutes.

Have you tried using white noise at all?

You could try putting the radio on static as you put your son down to sleep and see what he does. If he cries and does not seem to be winding down you could have it on while you hold him and it might help to soothe him.

They are things I did with both of my daughters at various stages and helped.

I also have a CD which has been helpful called "Sounds for Silence".. I use the white noise component of it now to get my second daughter to settle/sleep. So that is another option you could possibly try if you find your son likes the white noise.

I also didn't like the idea of leaving my children to cry themselves to sleep. However I have found with my second child she does give a little grizzlely type cry as she is settling herself down to sleep. With my first I don't think I would have left her at this stage. It is hard to explain what I mean. I remember when I was seeking advice with my first people told me to listen to her cries, and to leave her if it is a "wind down" cry as she may settle herself and to of course go to her if she is doing a "I really need you" cry. I now understand what they were talking about. Does your son just flat out cry when you pop him down to sleep?

Hope things get easier for you soon

[PrestonPie]

I cc'd my bub from very early and had no problems with him until around 4 months.
i am not suggesting you try to cc your bubby - but at the 4 month mark my bub started getting wrestless and harder to settle in the day so i started him on farex. that very day he slept like .............well a baby i guess............ which was great.
your little one might need that something extra to stick to his little ribs so to speak so instead of giving up bf why not try him on some farex, the heinze one is for 4months +.

also, have you considered consulting a sleep school? or someone that actually comes to your home. babies sense the anxiety so it can become a vicious cycle. if you seek help from professionals then just take on board what rings true to you, in fact, let them know the ins and outs of how you are feeling and what you think your limits are to start. some sleep schools are very good.
good luck.

[c38]

Thankyou all for your kind words
Somedays being that its just me 24/7 it just gets on top of me.

The positives are that he doenst actually scream/cry a lot at all really. Mostly only when Im trying to get him to go to sleep. Which I guess is a lot of times a day...so hmm maybe it is more then I think
He' just on the go. He gets sooky by the afternoons if he hasn't had enough sleep (which is most days)..so its hard to put him down for long, but with the Jolly Jumper and a few noisy wind ups, I can get a break now and again. He didn't scream though new mums group either..he was just looking, looking, then would feed then get restless, a little nap, then be ready for play again... (LOL hed go though the full cycle of feed/play/sleep..in the hour..whilst the others just slept).

Also the last week he has mostly only been waking once overnight....which is heaven..mind you two of those nights he didnt settle until 1030pm.
Also in the last week he has actually gone to sleep in the car twice, and has lasted short trips without screaming.
He also went to sleep in the pram,...right at the end of a 50 minute walk... but proved he can do it...before Ive had to get him out and cuddle him to sleep then put him back in..

It's like he doesn have an OFF or even SLOW down switch. He's just such a sticky beak, though of course as the day progesses and he becomes more sleep indebted, his ability to maintain his "intense looking" deteriates and so he gets crabby...and even more difficult to settle come night time.

I did used to wrap him, but now he's more active, it just becomes a source of more frustration when Im trying to settle him as he spend the whole time trying to get his arms out. Though I do leave an open wrap in the cot..and wrap him as put him down as this does seem to help a bit..

I do understand the difference between his crys. When I put him down in the cot he either
A...comes instanly wide eyed and begins looking round...and will lay there doing so for about 10-20min if left... even lining it with a sheet so he cant see much.. he will lay and look at his fingers or the creases on the sheet, or the shadows on the ceiling..after that period he starts either a full on frustration howl which Ive learnt not to ignore..as it will esculate further into sobbing and yelling thats hard to calm

B..starts a sad cry stright away accompanied by a scared upset look, which again will esculate into a sobbing/yell even if I try patting.

Occassionally he'll do the complaining grumbling... or mantra cry Ive heard it called.. The other night I patted him in his cot for a period of 20mins of this with no signs of resolution...then it began to esculate so I gave up and went back to cuddling, bouncing on the fitball..

I havent tried actual white noise.... thanks that might help. I have got a classical musc CD made to induce bubs sleeping..this does help calm him if hes really worked up

I am actually considering starting some rice cereal in a few weeks if things dont get better soon. I think he does have some componant of silent reflux that this may help.

I am booked in with a in home sleep program the first week of dec. They reassure me its not a CC method and that I can go to him at anytime.. She cant tell me too much as Im doing it as part of a research project...


It's just nice to hear that others have babies that are similar and that things DO get better. As I know deep down they will. Its just in the moment at times its hard to remember that. ..

Tonight he actually went to sleep quite easily after sitting in the dark in the rocker watching IDOL with me... ..hmm thinking I might tape it for EVERY night

[~mia&ryan~]

I havent tried actual white noise.... thanks that might help. I have got a classical musc CD made to induce bubs sleeping..this does help calm him if hes really worked up

DS loves having music on. Not classical or anything remotely babyish. He likes music with beat, strange but true. He falls asleep or calms so quickly with music on.

[SiarasMummy]

Hi, you poor thing. I'm not really writing to give a lot of advice as I have an 8 month old who is also a livewire and she still doesn't sleep much I just wanted to let you know, like some of the other mums have said, you are not alone!
I thought the first 2-3 months would be hard work but then put a routine in place and eventually it will get easier - not the case with my one!
Having said that though, she is very good when I take her out during the day, the noises don't bother her too much.
She is like your little one - she is just so nosey and wants to be in to everything all the time! I used to dread the car too because when she was smaller it was the rear facing carseat and she would get upset because she couldn't see anything - have you tried hanging toys in the car that he can reach? I did that and it helped a bit.
Siara used to be awake during the day for 2-3 hours and then sleep maximum 20 minutes...night time I could never get her to bed before 12am...she just wanted to play no matter what I tried & she was awake at least twice a night for a feed. I was exhausted after 4 months but it gradually gets easier. I got used to the late nights.
I have never been able to catch up on my sleep during the day as she is awake by the time I am drifting off.
I am still feeding her during the night and sometimes I feel I can't cope anymore but we always manage to get through the hard times...
Anyway, after all my sympathising with you the main thing I wanted to suggest is sleep school, mine is booked in soon for sleep school as I am fed up with having to rock her to sleep every night (my back can't handle it now she is heavier!). A friend of mine was in sleep school last week for 4 nights and she said even if the techniques don't work in the long run, it was worth it just to have someone helping her for a few days so she could get some rest! I can't wait for sleep school, I reckon it will be like a holiday! I think i would be worth giving it a go with your little one too!

[peanutbutter&jelly]

SiarasMummy, sleep schools usually use CC techniques, whereas this is in the no cry sleeping solutions section! I hate that my son doesn't sleep... but I'm not about to let him cry to get to sleep. I know I can't sleep after I've been upset, why should I expect my son to?

Have you tried reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley c38??

Just wanted to clarify that it was directed at SiarasMummy, not you c38! Let us know how this in home sleep consultant thing goes! I'd love to have something similar!!

[LilMissnBoo]

I second The No Cry Sleep Solution. Great book with wonderful advice! It has worked a treat for my DD.

Do you have him in a routine at all? It could help as babies (well mine anyway ) like to know what to expect.

Here is a link for you that has some routines for different age groups (just scroll down and click on the pdf icon)

All the best!