What's important when choosing a guardian?

[jaiyanti]

DH and I were recently doing our wills, which lead to a discussion about nominating a guardian for DS. Hopefully, of course, the need for one will never arise, but it does seem like a good idea to plan in case.

My sister would be the first choice for both of us - she is a kind loving person, with similar world views to us, and 3 boys who are flourishing under her loving mothering. I know she would be pleased to do it, but the hitch is she lives overseas, in a place quite different to Australia. If it came to it, that would mean a big move for DS to a very unfamiliar place, far away from the rest of the family.

I also have a brother, who lives here with his wife and young daughter. I am not as close to him, and we have quite different world views, but I am sure he and his wife would be pleased to be guardian, as we would for their daughter.

My parents would also make great guardians, but are getting on now, and would find it difficult.

We just want to do the best for our DS.

Any thoughts on the topic would be appreciated.

[Pax]

for me choosing came down to

If my choice of guardian or their spouse was a drinker/gambler etc.. they were off the list, other than that most people would do their best I believe.

I believe that my sisters would raise my kids as their own but their spouses were a bigger concern.

its a tough choice.

[dm22]

its a hard choice i know.

we chose my husbands sister and partner for a majority of reasons- they would love to have our boys as they dont have any boys of their own,they have a similar type of humour, world views and education views. they are stable not only as a couple but also financially. they would fit into my family's side when attending celebrations and my family think they are fantastic so no hard feelings are towards anyone.

we ruled out grandparents as we feel they should be able to retire without raising little ones. we also ruled out other siblings as they werent married or in a stable relationship.

we did consider one of my gf's but then we thought we needed to keep the kids in the family.

i know my sister had chosen me and my husband for her kids. we were happy about it. but she really doesnt want them to leave the area they are currently growing up so is thinking of changing the will. which is fair enough, and i think thats very valid not wanting them to move away from family and friends. luckily our choice lives near other family so there would definately be support.

[SassyMummy]

I would choose a family who would be similar to my own - like they'd raise her similarly to how I would have.

I'd also want someone who already had kids - so it wasn't some massive shock, and so I knew what kind of parents they were already.

I'd want someone who was WILLING to as well.

A death of both parents would be a pretty massive shock anyway, and perhaps moving them overseas might just add to that shock... but overall, it might do a world of good.

I'd probably hand DD over to someone she already knew tho... not someone I knew quite well, but she hardly had anything to do with. That would be kinda scary.

I have no idea who I'd choose. It's unlikely both her Dad and I would die at the same time - we don't live together or even really see each other except when she goes to his place. BUT if it were to happen, I dunno who Chanel would go with.

Originally, I would have said his sister, but she's already got 2 kids with 1 on the way, and Chanel doesn't see her much...

I'd say my mother, but I wouldn't want her to have to be in her 50s (she's 50 next year) and take on a toddler/young child and then raise them for the rest of her life... I'd also kinda like siblings for Chanel, or something close to it... and she wouldn't get that living with my mother.

If in future I add to my family with my bf, I'd probably like her to stay with him... but I dunno how that's go down with her Dad. They might even need to make some sort of arrangement. I wouldn't want her torn away from her siblings simply because she's not my bf's child...

I dunno...

[NewBeginnings]

Well seeing as though my parents have a daughter who is only 1 year older than my DS then I would have no issues leaving my kids to my mum.

There is absolutely no way either of them would be going to their fathers. That just is not an option. I will not have them split up, and there is also A LOT more indepth reasons as well.

Failing that, if mum was unable to take my two kids I would be leaving them to my middle brother (who is only 15 at the moment, so he wouldn't get them til 18- but is already one of the most amazing men I know). I've already asked if he'd take my kids and he said he would. He is the most amazing bloke. He loves my kids so much and is so down to earth, and just an absolutely amazing bloke. I have a lot of respect for him and I trust him completely to bring up my children the correct way, and help them to become the men I would want to them to be.

I have an older sister and BIL.... and while they are fantastic, they are trying to have their own family, and she also wants to parent in a VERY different way than me, and I just couldn't leave my kids to her knowing that. I also have another brother who is older than Mr 15.... but he is a lot like DS1's father... so there is NO WAY he would be getting my kids!

I know Mr 15 would instill the best values etc on them and would do a fantastic job. So heaven forbid I pass, he (after mum) would be who would get my monster cherubs!

[Myztiks#1Fan]

there is really only 2 people who i trust with coop and the way they do things and that is caroline and andrew. there is no way in the world i would trust my parents with him and i couldnt trust my sister either. i havent done up a will but its been something that has been playing on my mind for quite some time.

i know if something did happen to me there would be quite a bit of trouble. my parents would fight for him but i dont think they would get him, well i hope they wouldnt. i havent asked caroline and andrew as i wouldnt know how to even bring up the subject however i would also like to think that i did settle down with someone and they treated coop like their own and we were together for quite sometime with other kids, i would like to leave him with him.

[WorkingClassMum]

We did this awhile ago.

As I have several siblings, and several step siblings and MOTH has two siblings and our parents are both divorced - we started by ruling people out IYKWIM

We didn't pick any of the grandparents, as we wanted any "new" parents to live as long as we would have expected to.

I didn't want my orphans being orphaned again but as late teenagers or early adults.

I also believe that a child needs Nanna to be Nanna, not a Mummy/Nanna.


We ruled out our older siblings who's kids had finished school or teenagers - as much as they'd all have our kids, i didn't want someone resenting the baby/kinder/primary school senario as their own kids where becoming independent.

We ruled out drug taking/heavy drinking/insecure lifestyles - so that was my younger bro's out of the way.

My youngest sister resents her parnters children from a previous marriage - so she's off the list

That leaves Sis#1 and Sis#2 (out of 17 people). Sis#1 is a single mother, but she'd be the best parent, Sis#2 is on IVF and currently has no kids.

So we've left a letter for Bro#2 to make the decision based on if Sis#2 has had kids or if Sis#1 is in a position to cope.

This is a hard decision - but you should feel good about that decision. If you don;t revisit it with a few months

Good luck and a long life