Need some Help

[Kayteigh]

Hi

My 13 year step daughter is refusing to go home to her mothers and I dont know what to do. She said if we send her back to her mothers she will run away. There is no court order in place and she is not mistreated at her mothers she just thinks it time to live her father and has wanted to do so since she was 3. What is the best thing to in this situation without it backfiring in our faces and we never get to see her?

[Jakois]

I guess it really would be up to your DH and your DSD's mother to decide what to do.
It's up to them to work out what would be best for her.
What has you DH said about it? Does he have a good relationship with his DD's mum, so they can talk it out?

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I have no idea, but maybe it should be her responsibility to tell her mother, seeing as if you or her father do it her mother will probably get quite angry.

[smilewithme]

Can you all get together and sit down and talk about it? And work out if and how it would work?

[Kayteigh]

We have all just sat down and had a phone conference with DSD's mother and DSD got what she wanted to say off her chest and DSD's mother has informed us that if we don't have the daughter back in her care by 8am in the morning she will be involving the police and that she will make sure that the daughter will never see us again unless we do what she says and return the DSD and then hung up on us.

[HunterzMummy]

We have all just sat down and had a phone conference with DSD's mother and DSD got what she wanted to say off her chest and DSD's mother has informed us that if we don't have the daughter back in her care by 8am in the morning she will be involving the police and that she will make sure that the daughter will never see us again unless we do what she says and return the DSD and then hung up on us.

Awww thats awful.. She just sounds like she is hurting and feels rejected hence the reason she got all defensive. Is it her only child?

But to what she said she cant legally do NOTHING. There are no court documents in place there for nothing has been vialted. She has no leg to stand on. If the SD was to stay there and not return home the police cant get involved. It would be like yuo DH calling the police on the bio mother had SD becasue he wants her back. She would have to go through mediation then if that didnt work the courts in order to get a custody agreement in place. She could never stop DH from see her unless she can prove he is unfit, abusive etc.

Good luck to you all.... hopefully she calms down once she has had a think about it.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

YES, She can get the police involved.

But any court would recognise the daughters wants before anything else, especially at her age.

Maybe it is a good idea to let the mother bring it to court, since her daughter has told her what she wants and she has refused.

She wouldn't really have a leg to stand on if the daughter has voiced her wants and her mother has ignored them.

ETA; That's right, they do the mediation thing before court now. That would probably be enough for the mother to recognise that her daughter has made a choice.

How upsetting for the girl.

[HunterzMummy]

YES, She can get the police involved.
.

How is this? The bio mother of my DH son could not get the police invovled as there is nothing in place and there for not broken any laws (unless there are different laws where we live) . He had not left the state or kidnapped him as he is the father. Just like i could not report my DH for taking our son and living at his mums for example. Yes very distressing for the mother but not illegal. This is what the police told me.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Maybe it varies by state, but often they will take it as a verbal contract between both parents and can go to the other parents house and ask about..

I don't believe that the police can just pick the child up and take him/her away, but they CAN investigate and CAN order the parents to mediation.

[~Candy~]

I think it's really up to yourself and your DH to first decide if that is what YOU TWO want also (for dsd to live with you).
My dsd (@13) did the same to us, but we just said no, things stay the way they are...she got over it (I also did the same to my dad @14..I did go live with him and I rebelled big time...I just wanted freedom and thought I'd get it from dad..lol...wrong! )