Being judged on decision to have a repeat c-section

**jennigurl** · 19-09-2008 15:51

Hi
I was wondering if there are any mothers out there that feel they are being judged after deciding to have a c-section. My first born was 10pound 7oz and 12 days overdue, and after being induced for 24 hours we both suffered complications, including him having a heart rate of over 200bpm and me with a temp of over 40 degrees. The doctor pretty much told me that if we were to both survive I required an emergency c-section. I was only 5cm dilated at this point. I ended up having a healthy but huge baby boy and was told we were very lucky. This time round, I have opted for the c-section and have had alot of people judge me for this. In my mind it was the obvious choice and after having my 30 week ultrasound and discovering my new one is over 2.1kg already I thought that people would be more understanding as she is way off the charts in every measurement. Not the case. Why is it that people, especially other mothers, feel the need to judge other mothers when we should all stand together? Please let me know if any of you out there have had the same reactions as I have.
Extremely lucky mum of 1 - 4yrs 10 months
Another due 21-11-08

**NibbleCurlynBub** · 19-09-2008 15:54

Well.. If you choose to have a c-sec then that is your choice.

That said though, your second bubs labour and birth may not be like the first one. Each pregnancy, each birth and each baby is different so there is nothing to say that you will encounter the same problems this time around.

But again, if you choose to forgo that risk and take the other risk (because when you are scared of birth or have had a traumatic experience they are BOTH risks) then that is your choice. Either way, they are your consequences to deal with.

You are the only person qualified to make that decision for your body and your baby.

**Mathermy** · 19-09-2008 15:59

Originally Posted by jennigurl

Hi
I was wondering if there are any mothers out there that feel they are being judged after deciding to have a c-section. My first born was 10pound 7oz and 12 days overdue, and after being induced for 24 hours we both suffered complications, including him having a heart rate of over 200bpm and me with a temp of over 40 degrees. The doctor pretty much told me that if we were to both survive I required an emergency c-section. I was only 5cm dilated at this point. I ended up having a healthy but huge baby boy and was told we were very lucky. This time round, I have opted for the c-section and have had alot of people judge me for this. In my mind it was the obvious choice and after having my 30 week ultrasound and discovering my new one is over 2.1kg already I thought that people would be more understanding as she is way off the charts in every measurement. Not the case. Why is it that people, especially other mothers, feel the need to judge other mothers when we should all stand together? Please let me know if any of you out there have had the same reactions as I have.
Extremely lucky mum of 1 - 4yrs 10 months
Another due 21-11-08

Until they offer to birth your baby for you, you do exactly what you feel is best for you and your bubs.

**kezzaskids** · 19-09-2008 16:48

Hi Jennigurl. Come and chat to us in the due in november 2008 thread. We are a great bunch of girls and NO judgement there I can tell you! In fact I wish I knew all of the ladies as they are so supportive!! Goodluck with your birth you will be great!

**ceaser3** · 19-09-2008 16:52

hi jennigurl,well my gosh he was a big boy,thank god he didnt come out the so called natural way.I have had 3 c/s and we are trying for a 4th.My first born was an emergency due to him being too big and same his heart rate was over 200 so it was safest to do a c/s,my second was looking like she was going to be big so my ob suggested an elective c/s,needless to say she was smaller than my first but hey we survived and i have absolutely no regret on making the decision to have another c/s.My third was also an elective c/s and he is fine i recovered well and still have no regrets on my decision to have another c/s,i have come across only a few people that have told me i have taken the easy way out,but of course having a c/s is by no means easy,so i just smile and think to myself that my children and me are all healthy happy and it has not stopped me from doing anything i want to do.People every where are always critical and i guess it makes some people feel more powerful if they say and think there opinion is right but hey as long as everything ended up ok and your body and baby are well than why does it matter.
Take what people say with a pinch of salt and hold your head high,you did give birth to your babies ,they are here arent they

BEC

**Rupert** · 19-09-2008 17:09

Originally Posted by makingalolaorliam

Until they offer to birth your baby for you, you do exactly what you feel is best for you and your bubs.

Very well said!!! Tell them to mind their own business...

**Cordelia** · 20-09-2008 09:55

I find my friends are supportive (some of them have/are also having repeat caesars).. It's more on places like HERE (bubhub) that you're too scared to say because of all the messages of the dangers of a c-section and how you should be trying for a VBAC come flooding through.

I am fully happy with my decision and can't wait to turn up to the hospital on th emorning of my elective caeser date to meet my little son.

That's my prerogative!!! I wish you the very best with the arrival of your new child

I hope the delivery is relaxed and joyful for you

**silver_locket** · 20-09-2008 11:02

Hello

I had an emergency C/section with my first baby last year, due to Him not dropping far enough down, I was in labor for 22 hours and only dilated to 8cm. At that point I was begging for a C/section!!. I really don't see whats so bad about them, Yes it's not the "natural way" but I'm just so thankful, that I live in a country that has that second option!!! I stuggeld at first with friends who had already had a normal birth, they didn't quite know what to say and after a while I found that they just didn't talk about it because they were scared about what I would have thought and how I was to respond. If I could go back, I'd say talking about it would have helped me sooner!!. You shouldnt be made to feel guilty about something you had NO choice in.
So I say, do what you think is right for this baby, he/she will somehow let you know! Congratulations and all the best!!

I'd be having another c/section too!!

**kaseysmum** · 27-09-2008 12:26

Being both a mum who had a C/S and a midwife, PLEASE dont feel that you have to justify or feel guilty about your birth choices! It sounds like your labour was obstructed which like you said can be dangerous for yourself and you baby. Sure it would be great if all women just poped babies out but the reality is they dont. You have to be happy a & confident in the choices you make for YOUR family. In the end we all want healthy baby. I think we focus to much on birth, it comes and goes how ever it happens, being a parent is whats important. Anyway the child is not going to stand up at thier 21st b'day & say "just want to thank mum for having a normal birth". Good luck and enjoy the experience for what it is having a baby!

**onemummmy** · 27-09-2008 12:32

Originally Posted by ceaser3

thank god he didnt come out the so called natural way.

errrrrr

I know of two women who have just birthed ELEVEN pound babies 'the natural way'
and its not so called natural, it is natural, the way nature intended.