I dont even know where to start, but I will try and give a short version, 4 years ago my 14 year old niece was killed in a car accident, It devastated our entire family, My sister now has 1 daughter who has cystic fibrosis and cirhossis of the liver, 12 months later my 16 year old daughter whom I was extremely close to ran away from home for a boy and turned her back on our family, it broke my heart, I literally stills feel like part of me is missing, I dont know how to get over the pain, the loss of her is like grieving it hurts so much, during this time, after trying to get pregnant for 8 years I finally did and had a very long and painful 7 hour miscarraige at 13 weeks, with 2 more miscarraiges in the months following. I finally had a little boy last year and he has just turned 1. He refused to breastfeed and I painfully persevered for 7 months through tears and tantrums ( sometimes his sometimes mine) I have not enjoyed him as much as I thought I would having waited so long for a baby. I feel angry and tired all the time. He cries a lot and is so clingy it drives me mad. I cry everyday over my daughter, I have felt like everyone would be better of without me, I feel like a failure as a mother. I just re-read what I have written and it barely scratches the surface of how I feel and how much I am hurting. I tried counselling with someone from community health, she trivialised what happened with my daughter, but, she was my daughter my world, I cannot explain how much it destroyed me when she left, I am not the same person I was, something died in me that day and I have been lost ever since.