Bottle-feeding support - Brisbane

[tammac77]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone else had as much dificulty as I did when making the choice to bottle-feed. In my case, the "choice" was kind of forced on me - I never got enough milk. It was awful. If there are other women out there who have had a similar experience and want to share it, or need help and support (when there is very little available) then write it here. I'm hoping to meet other mums who bottle-feed (for whatever reason) and possibly start a support group. I live in Brisbane, close to the city on the south side and would be interested in meeting up with people in the area. I haven't been able to find a group other than the one in Strathpine which is too far for me. Below is my story, but even if you bottle-feed just because you wanted to, that is fine as well.

My story .......

I don't know what happened, maybe it was the stressful birth (emergency c-section) or maybe it was just my inexperience, but I truly believe I tried my hardest to breastfeed but no milk would come. In hospital by day 2 my son was crying constantly and was on the breast for an hour at a time (30 mins each side) he would then come off the breast for half an hour and be screaming to get back on again. I did this for three days around the clock. My nipples were cracked and sore and the midwives just kept saying "you're doing it right, your milk will come." They ignored me when I said to them that he hadn't done a wet nappy, they were as dry as a bone. One midwife said "oh, the nappies today are so absorbent they just feel dry." After his continuous crying for an hour one night they took him off me to give me a break and settle him - they couldn't do it and it was their idea to give him a bottle, but they still didn't listen to me when I told them he wasn't getting enough milk. And they offered me no information or support in regard to bottle-feeding.

By the time I got home I was an emotional wreck and then I blamed the stress for my milk not coming. I went to see my doctor who told me I could take anti-nausea medication to stimulate my milk but that it might give me insomnia and make me feel sick - like that is what a new mother needs! When the midwife came to visit me at home I showed her my son's nappy, dry with a dark brown stain on it. He was dehydrated. I continued for two weeks, him on the breast followed by expressing and supplementing feeds with bottle, then eventually just expressing and topping up with formula. I could get 50-60 ml total if I expressed for 45 mins.

Despite all of this the guilt I felt was incredible. I was a failure, a bad mother my body had let me down. I remembered all the times I had judged other women for not breastfeeding, thinking to myself "they just didn't try hard enough" - what did I know? And that's the problem. Until you are in the situation yourself it is impossible to understand what it feels like. Now there are times when I feel judged. When I sit with a group of mothers all breastfeeding their babies I feel embarrassed and incompetent. I feel left out and alone.

Since starting to bottle-feed I have changed my formula three times. There was no information about formulas available - the different types etc and it was hard to make an informed choice. It became a game of trial and error. I still, after 4 1/2 months wish that I could have done it and will try again with the next one. I initially cried for about a week after I finally gave up, and I still cry every now and then. Just the other day I had my son in bed with me for a sleep and I was naked. He started moving his head around trying to find my breast because he was hungry. Even after all this time that instinct was still there, but I had nothing to give him.

I hope others can relate to my story and hopefully people will want to share their stories as well because there is just not enough support out there.

Tamara

[sharvs]

Hi Tamara

I am a bottle-feeding mother, I didnt want to be but I'm dealing with it. I breastfed for the first 3 weeks.

My DS was born in a small country hospital. The midwives were lovely. I was one of 2 maternity patients but the entire maternity ward was full of other patients (elderly etc). The midwives were also the nurses for the other patients. I shared a room with the other maternity patient and she had her 4th daughter a couple of hours before I had my son. I was in hospital for 4 days & on average a midwife came and saw me twice a day. They were so busy, they didnt have the time. I think they may also have forgotten about me because the other mum was so experienced.

Everytime I tried to breastfeed, i would find a midwife & ask if DS was attached properly. They would say no, take him off & re-attach him. I said "who's going to help me attach him when I go home? Can you show me & tell me how to do it, but let me do it myself?" They would say yes, but get called away before I had finished, so they would pop him on for me. I had never held a newborn before, i didnt know what was right.

Anway, i went home from Hospital, it was 40+ degrees, no aircon, no family (they are in SA, we were in NSW) and we were moving to QLD when DS was 3 weeks old. My midwife made an appointment to come and see me at home but never showed up. The GP said "that can happen this time of year" (it was x-mas). One night, i was in that much pain & on the edge of PND. I said to DF "I cant feed him". The thought of putting him on my boob made me break down & cry. DF went to a friends place & got some formula so we could get through the night. The next day we went & bought a breast pump & nipple shields. It would take me an hour to express 50ml. I tried for another few days, but I couldnt keep it up. We were moving interstate, nothing was packed - it was horrible. DF & I made the decision to put him on formula & once that decision was made I enjoyed my beautiful baby for the first time.

If I have another baby, i will definatley try to breast feed again, only this time I wont beat myself up if I cant. I dont blame the midwives etc, i blame myself for not seeking help when I needed it. I always thought breastfeeding came naturally & because I couldnt do it, there was something wrong with me. I'm a shy person at the best of times, chuck in hormones, moving interstate, no support & you have yourself one emotional wreck. I was no help to DS that way. Bottle feeding him relaxed both of us. Bottle feeders have my support - breast feeders have my support.

P.S - I'm in Brissy too - near Strathpine though

[tammac77]

Its so good to hear from another person with a similar experience, I appreciate hearing your story.

Do you go to the bottle-fed bubs group? I don't know exactly what it is called but I am sure it runs in Strathpine somewhere.

I had my son December 3rd, so I understand about the heat - it just made things worse! When I think what could have happened if I hadn't given him a bottle. Babies that get dehydrated can start to fit and get brain damage. That is why I get so angry when I think about how little support or encouragement I got. Even weeks after when I went to the health centre, the nurse after hearing how traumatic it all was still tried to get me to go back to breastfeeding!

I hope to have another baby towards the end of next year, hopefully it will be different. Good luck when you try again as well.

[sharvs]

Thanks Tamara

No i dont go to the support group - I never even knew they exisited.

I had to go for my check up at the GP just before we moved & I was petrified that he would have a shot at me for not continuing to breast feed - i had myself that worked up that I was going to cancel & just hide. Alot of people said to me "it gets easier after the 12 week mark", and no doubt it does but there is no way I could have continued that long, i definately would have ended up in a padded room!

Your son is 10 days older than mine! It's nice to chat to other mums with babies the same age.