ex boyfriend anger

[BrookeandLou]

I am trying to cut a long story as short as possible so please bear with me..
I broke up with my bf 1 year ago due to his excessive drinking and anger which caused him to be verbally abusive to me, my family and was often in fights whenever he went out.

He lost his licence and all the friends he thought he had, he lost his family and me and our 2 daughters.

When we broke up we became better friends than we had been ever. I enjoy his company and I feel really comfortable with him.He has been on antidepressants for a few months now and hasn't been drinking and I found myself starting to like him again.

Tonight we went to the movies and on the way home some little turd teenagers blocked the road with boxes chairs, sticks etc.
He nearly hit it and he absolutely snapped. He didnt even turn the car off, he jumped out and ran after them. I was praying he didn't catch one just because I knew what he would've done to them. I was kinda in shock and just stood there screaming at him to come back.
He came back after a while, luckily he didnt catch one (he had a sore knee after his boss missed a pole he was holding with a sledgehammer)
He was totally normal after and helped me clear the stuff off the road.
My impulse in that situation was anger but My version of catch them was with a camera.


What I really want to know is how do people snap so easily and what can I do to prevent it?

I don't want someone who snaps like that in front of me and my kids.

[Lastcenturymum]

Hun, you and your kids don't need that kind of behaviour and example either.

I would suggest anger management and maybe say if he wants to continue to be in your lives then he needs to do it. You never know when or how he will snap.

Sometimes you still connect with a person because of the history you have together, but you do need to consider your girls especially. Take care

[Ronni78]

Sometimes people snap like that because that was the environment that they grew up in. Or they bottle things up until they explode.

There's nothing you can do to prevent it. That road leads to no good.

[Cwazywabbit]

I'm wondering if more than anger management is appropriate here? Maybe some long term Psychologist visits? You mentioned he used to drink ? he'll go back to that way if he doesn't get help NOW!
These explosive episodes are not good for him or you or the children and it's an extremely unhealthy situation.
I really feel that the abusive situation you use to have, is temporarily being redirected to others. If you accept this circumstance it will be directed again towards you in time.

Or maybe? Being "just friends" is the way to go . Please don't return to a situation you'll regret later down the track.


Megs.

[CaitlinArai22]

try to kepp in mind that your ex is suffering co-morbidity, an alcohol/drug addiction as well as a physical/mental health condition.
Even if he seems to have the drinking under control, its a problem that will stay with him, and it wont be easy for him.
Even in asituation where there is only depression, and no other rpoblems, treatment can be hard. It can take a looooong time to find an anti depressent that is right for the indivdual, its often trial and error for a while. Your ex should be given points for the effort he's putting in.

If you seriously want to help, you'll need to start by accepting theres no real prevention method to use,and there shouldnt be - its not up to everyone else to control the situation so his moods are okay! And you cant control things like stupid teen on the streets.
There are longer term things you could do to help though. If he's on antidepressents, you could find out if they were written up by a GP or a Pysch
A GP Doesnt have as much knowledge as a pych when it comes to diagnosing mental health conditions, so i would encourage him to see the specialist. Let him know you can see how hard he's trying and, that will be a faster and easier way for him to get on track.
Then you can offer to attend appointments as a support person. I found this to be very helpful with my other half, as an outsider you will often have things to bring up that they wouldnt have mentioned themselves.
My other half is doing it pretty rough at the moment but thats cause tehy're changing his meds around, trying to find a mood stablizer and anti depressent that work well together. Because he never mentioned his temper tantrums, the pych never knew to adress them, so hopefully this helps.

All i know is that sometimes people arent in the best situation to help themselves, even when they are trying. He might be trying to take steps on his own, but its hard to walk in the wrong size shoes if you know what i mean?

anyway, i wish you the best of luck, its great that you've given him the chance to come back into your life, and i do think helping would be good, but remember to put yourself and the little ones first, dont hurt yourself to try and help him.
And if you do get to talk to a dr about him or with him, mention the co-morbidity thing, i think its probably more appropriateseeing as he's had alcohol problems, and its a very different style of treatment.
Good luck!

[Ashleigh<3]

I'm going to focus on the antidepressants you mentioned.

There are many different types of psychiatric medications and they all have a variety of side effects.

I can't speak from experience, but I do have friends on anti-d's and a couple of them have had bad reactions, lets just say the behavior you described, the similarities are quite accurate.

Maybe he could re-visit his GP and discuss the current medication with them.

The fact that he snapped is alarming and I can only imagine you having flash backs of him snapping in the past- think of that as your inner-intuition speaking loud, those alarm bells are ringing, they are telling you to be very careful.

I wouldn't rush this.

Good luck with everything.