How to support a friend who has lost her husband

[Clairabelle Rozelle]

I am incrediby sad - a dear friend of mine who I met just over a year ago at mother's group lost her husband yesterday to a heart attack. He was only in his mid-30's and leaves behind my shattered friend (now a widow at 30) and their gorgeous little girl who is 15 months.

How do I help her? As upset as I am for her and as angry as I am at tragedy this this is, I just don't know how or where to start helping and supporting her during this time and in the months and years to come.

I also feel sooo guilty that my husband is still alive - and selfish for even thinking this!

It is just so so sad - part of me hopes to get no replies as it would be the worst thing for others to have gone through as well.

[Mum2Bella]

I lost my father last year.

It was a great help just having a friend come sit with me cuddle me in silent,

dont ask questions let your friend do the talking bif she wants to.
try to get community help to help do the lawns,take the garabge out,washing etc

and see if ppl can cook meals n have milk n bread in the house etc.

ring or go see her eveyday,maybe make calls fore her.


was he the money earner in the house?

[Mathermy]

I am incrediby sad - a dear friend of mine who I met just over a year ago at mother's group lost her husband yesterday to a heart attack. He was only in his mid-30's and leaves behind my shattered friend (now a widow at 30) and their gorgeous little girl who is 15 months.

How do I help her? As upset as I am for her and as angry as I am at tragedy this this is, I just don't know how or where to start helping and supporting her during this time and in the months and years to come.

I also feel sooo guilty that my husband is still alive - and selfish for even thinking this!

It is just so so sad - part of me hopes to get no replies as it would be the worst thing for others to have gone through as well.

I think the important thing is to not be afraid of her-u would be surprised at how many people stay away because they are afraid to upset, don't kno wwhat to say, or feel uncomfortable around strong emotions.

Ask her what she needs, ask he what she wants. Try and be proactive, if you are at her house and there are dishes-do them. If the phone rings and she can't deal with it-answer it.

Play with the child, help with her care-take her if mum needs some time alone.

Most importantly be in it for the long run. Whilst there may be a rush of people offering to help in th beginning as time goes on people move on with their lives and the person can feel very very lonely. When the adrenaline wears off and live begins to resume normality-this is when you really need a friend

[Clairabelle Rozelle]

Thankyou Mum2Bella - your advice is very practical and I think that is what is most important at the moment? My little boy and her little girl play so well together and I have a feeling that keeping that normalcy of play dates between the children will be very important for her and her little girl.


I am sorry for the loss of your father. I hope you are coping ok although I can't imagine what it feels like.

Thankyou once again for your advice - the little details like milk/food staple, paying of bills, responding to calls are just that, little details, but I know that I can help out in this way.

Yes, he was the sole income-earner but she did say she has spoken to his business partners and they said he has put plans in place like insurance etc in case anything ever happened to him (he is in the finance industry). Hopefully that is a weight off her mind.

[Clairabelle Rozelle]

Thankyou makingalolaorliam (great names btw)
My husband said the same thing about being in it for the long haul - you are right, there are a lot of people around at the moment but it is in the weeks, months and years ahead that it can get lonely.
And you are right about doing the little things - cleaning, cooking and answering phones.
It is interesting what you say about being afraid of her - I hadn't thought of it that way but you are right in that it would be easy to stay away. I will try to be as normal as I can in that we regularly texted, called, dropped around etc.
Thank you once again for your advice.