would you

[flyawayfree]

Have a termination and not tell the father? Like if you found out you were pregnant but knew it wasn't going anywhere and had not planned to get pregnant in the first place? You knew you couldn't support a child on your own. Would you tell the father or if you had made up your mind would you just do it???


Not meant to offend, and no I am not in this situation. just a thought I had earlier today and thought I'd see what others said.

[LilShenanigans]

If I had made up my mind, I wouldn't tell him. In that situation what he doesn't know won't hurt.

[NewBeginnings]

I wouldn't be able to do it fullstop... and if for some reason I did I would not be able to do it without telling the father. It is after all their child as well.. and I think they have a right to know about them.

[cheezelz]

I dont think she needs a verbal bashing about whether someone would be able to do it themself or not.

I agree that if your mind is made up then I wouldnt bother telling the 'father'. It would just cause more trouble and things would become more difficult. It takes a stronger woman to identify that they are not in a postition to bring a child into the world then to bring one in knowing full well that things wouldnt be easy. Why put extra stain on yourself by telling him if you already know what you want to do. I also think that if you have to ask yourself if you shoudl tell him then you might already know that he will be unreasonable.

[ComeBackKid]

And I dont think you need to put father in quotation marks as though to trivalise a father's role/responsibility/rights in this issue. Personally, I couldnt go through with a termination without telling the father because it is their baby too and even if i had 100% made up my mind it is their right to know. I just know I would be shattered if the roles were reversed and I had a baby I didnt know existed. And I would talk to the father before making any kind of decision because just because i cant support it after birth i would most likely be able to sustain a pregnancy for 9 months and maybe the father could raise it or we could discuss other options.

And i dont think that there was any verbal bashing until the PP dismissed the role of the father in discussing and making the decisions. It takes two to tango, why shouldnt a father know what happens to his baby.. let alone that it existed in the first place.

[A Party of Five]

I would tell the father as it's not just me that is having a baby!

[LittleButton]

It would be hard going thru terminiation for me anyway, but i couldnt do it without telling the dad.

I would be distraut as it was and would need some support. Plus i believe he has a right to know, its half him

[hayleysmummy]

Have a termination and not tell the father? Like if you found out you were pregnant but knew it wasn't going anywhere and had not planned to get pregnant in the first place? You knew you couldn't support a child on your own. Would you tell the father or if you had made up your mind would you just do it???

No I wouldnt/didnt just do it, he had a right to now. I told him and he didnt want the pregnancy either (I was 16) so I had the termination I am glad I told him because if I hadnt I would have had no way to pay for it and he was equally responsible for the unwanted pregnancy if you know what I mean. Oh and we arent together now so I know I did the right thing.

[sam's mum]

If you haven't had the termination yet, you should tell him. it is his child too and he should have some input into the discussion.

If you have already had the termination then I don't think you should tell him. It is just cruel when he can't do anything about it but mourn.

Men get affected by terminations too, in some ways more than women do because they have such a sense of helplessness because it is out of their control.

When I had a mc before having DS, DH was an absolute mess, way worse than me. He thought it was a punishment because he had 'let' previous gfs have terminations (2).

[Loopy Linda]

i feel that by having an abortion without discussing it with him is the same as him having a vasectomy without tellling you. i know it isn't really the same but this is my opinion.

at the same time i think if you feel that bringing a baby into the world right now is not the best thing for your current situation and the baby's future then if you are strong enough for abortion then you do it.

but this is what you have to discuss with the father. also in my mind mother has final say but i wouldn't know how to handle a situation in where the father wants the baby and mother doesn't. i know when i fell pregnant with my eldest the father asked if i woud have an abortion and i flat out refused, he was offended he didn't have a say. i told him he had a say he could be a father or not. so really i didn't give him a choice, but as i said to me mothers choice is final.