I learned that I can't do anything about the trust issue. I can try to avoid obsessing for short periods of time, but I can't stop obsessing about it. There were no suggestions of what I can do to avoid resenting the child. Any hope I had is all gone. She keeps bringing up that we need to find out the cause of my wife's problems before we can deal with my problems, but she hasn't suggested to me what I did to cause my wife's problems yet. She hasn't suggested what I can change to remedy the situation. I might as well just give up. What a waste of time.
At least she seems interested in helping my wife. I need to find someone that is willing to help me because I am a complete mess emotionally. I am drained and losing hope that it will get better.
I don't know what else to say right now. I feel like no matter what I do I will be ruining someone's life. Someone very important to me. I feel like I should not be having the feelings I am having and that I am a terrible person for it. Somehow, and I wish I knew how, it is all my fault that my wife did what she did. It is all my fault that she feels terrible about the things she did. It is my fault that I am having the feelings I am having and if it wasn't for me having those feelings the way out to happiness would be clear.
I am going to try and numb myself and hope that it gets better as time passes. It seems that is all I can do is find a way to get through time until things are magically better.