Being judged for TTC straight after miscarriage :(

[Jamaica]

I went for a check up yesterday (1 week after my D&C) my Dr said everything was fine and that I can start having sex again, I said 'too late' he just laughed and said 'ok then', he said that I should get my period in the next 3-5wks and that there is no reason to wait to TTC again if thats what we want. He said physically Im fine and ready to go but just to judge for myself if im emotionally ready. So DH & I are both happy to start TTC straight away but some of our close friends and family have been so judgemental about this! We were suprised especially when the incinuate that we havent taken time to grieve! I said that I had 12 hours alone in hospital in contraction pain to come to terms with the fact that I was loosing this baby and that I feel it would be best to TTC straight away, Im not trying to forget the baby or ignore what happened, but how long do they expect me to greive? cant I grieve while pregnant if I feel that way?? Is it wrong that I already feel complete closure and am at peace with the fact that the baby we lost is gone? I no its only been a week but its been filled with a lot of emotion- tears, anger, sadness, confussion etc. I know im not 100% over this and no i wont be for a long time if ever but i dont think life should stand still while i grieve, is that bad to feel like that?? Is is normal?

[Jender]

Yes, its normal. There is no "right" time just whatever is right for you

Good luck

[Grace3]

I'm sorry to hear about your m/c darling.

Unfortunately I know only to well, how heart wrenching it is and how hurtful peoples comments can be.

Talk to you DH and do what you both feel is best for you.

Let people have their say if they need too
But take no notice sweetie.

I have learnt second time round, to be very careful what I tell others.

I too received some unwanted comments.

[Femme la Phoenix]

my goodness Lee you have being through enough without having to suffer through the moral implications of judgemental ppl that wouldn't be happy with your decision whatever you choose.

There is no right way and wrong way to grieve, there is only YOUR way. If you feel that you have come to terms with your loss and baby then other's should just butt out.

If your ready to start TTC again then you and your husband don't need approval from other's this is up to you both...........no one else.

Good luck Lee, I wish you all the luck in the world.

[thr33]

hi jamaica
so sorry for your loss
i think it is between your dh and yourself noone else knows whats right or wrong for you. they shouldn't tell you how to grieve or how long for or what you should do in that time. only you know when and how and what you should do in making choices in life. hope i make sense...

sorry if this part of my post doesn't fit in here..
i too was due in nov 08 i miscarried without knowing 2 weeks after seeing a great heart beat on ultrasound. i never knew until 10 weeks when i had a gut instinct something was wrong no bleeding or pain just a "feeling" something wasn't right...
i went in for a d&c on 8/4/08 i bled for 2 weeks after. i got my period 5 days ago still going..
my point is i am confused.. i went to docs on tuesday and she warned me not to get pregnant till i have had at least 2 periods because (she said) statistically miscarriage is higher if you dont wait. ?!?! what is the truth? i too want to start ttc asap now i don't know..

[sam's mum]

sorry for the extra cr@p that you are copping.

people think that they are helping .

My OB told to me conceive when ready as well. I had one period and then I was pregnant again.

I didn't stress at all through that pregnancy, but was petrified all through the one after that. meh.

If you feel ready, then you are probably ready. If it turns out that you hadn't grieved enough, well you can face that when you come to it. You can't put your life on hold waiting to see if you are going to get sad again about it iykwim.

maybe it is a reflection that they haven't dealt with it yet.

good luck with it all anyway.

[lotti]

I concieved straight after my d/c and it was wonderful! Best of luck to you!

[Queen]

Each to their own If your family is ready, go ahead. Some people just do not know when to shut up.

[NewBeginnings]

Hun,

Ultimately the choice is yours. If you and your DH feel you are ready then by all means go for it.

Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves.

I was ready to start TTC straight away after loosing my baby, but for medical reasons couldn't.

In no way are you "disregarding" the baby you lost. You are simply giving them a little brother or sister.

Good luck with everything hun and I hope you are holding your much awaited baby in no time

[kas3]

Completely your choice. People should butt out!