My darling husband and I had been trying to fall pregnant for a little over a year when we found out we'd done it - we were expecting our first child and my first pregnancy had begun.
I am now 15 weeks pregnant and have suffered terrible all day sickness constantly, exhaustion, and the metallic taste in my mouth. While I was very excited when I found out I was pregnant I have not enjoyed being pregnant so far. I have had moments of uncontrollable sobbing, not wanting to leave home, not wanting to speak to people about being pregnant, afraid of feeling happy in case I jinx my pregnancy. All I want is a healthy baby and to be excited about being pregnant.
My husband is a midwife of two years and most people think this will be fantastic for us. I'm not so sure. He told me today that only last week he had to deliver a dead 17 week old fetus and then console the family. Given I'm 15 weeks pregnant it's all a bit too close to home, so to speak. We also had a friend whose baby died in utero at 26 weeks and there have been other instances of miscarriage and abortion that he has experienced in his job that I now think are really taking away the pleasure and excitement of my being pregnant - both for him and for myself.
Only today I was thinking that I do not recall my husband being joyed at my pregnancy. He avoids discussing the future of us being parents. He avoids us looking at what cots or things we might need for our baby. In his words today "we aren't out of the woods yet". I have been anxiously waiting for the end of the first trimester to be "out of the woods" and to start to feel that I can enjoy this experience but it's not happening.
I'm wondering if you have any suggestions on things I can do or say to help us start to focus on the joys of being pregnant rather than the risks or fears, especially those that my husband has experienced?