40+ Mums with Baby/Toddler as Only Child

**ButterflyKisses** · 03-04-2006 15:35

Hi Ladies, thought as I've seen a couple of you in some of the other "older mum" threads that we'd try and coax some of the other 40+ mums out of the wood works who have been hiding.

Well I'm a first time mum and I'm 44. My DS will be 3 in June.

Am I the oldest out there!!!!!!! Please someone make me feel better... anyone!!!

**MariaO** · 03-04-2006 20:05

Hi, Aoife is my only baba and I am a 41 year old mother. I can't believe that she is a year old! Anyway, I love being a mother but I also loved my twenties and thirties (even though I would have been very happy if Aoife had made an appearance a few years earlier!)

**melbourneprincess** · 04-04-2006 00:32

Hi ladies

I turned 40 this year and have a beautiful daughter who's 2!!

Ironically, my Mum had me at exactly the same age (38) - funny how history repeats itself!

Anyway, you are definately not the only 40+ Mum out there. Even tho I am "over the hill", I don't really consider myself as "old" - I think age is a state of mind - and DD certainly helps keep me young!!

**provencein3** · 09-04-2006 21:46

Okay butterfly kisses just to make you feel better. I am 45 and my son (only child) is 2.

**ButterflyKisses** · 10-04-2006 07:30

Hello Ladies

it's nice to see I'm not the only older "first time" mum in our ranks.

provencein3 all I can say is

hallelujah

at last I'm not the oldest. Not that you are much older than me as I'll be 45 in a couple of months too.

It's not that bad being an older mum however there's 2 things I regret:

The first is obviously that I won't have as long to spend with my DS as I would have had I had him in my 20's so I sort of feel I've cheated him of 20's of my life but here's hoping that at least I live until I'm at least 80 so he'll still have a few decades with me. I just hope I'm still here when he has children and

he doesn't have children at my age otherwise I'll never be a granny.

2nd is that he will probably be an only child now

how do you girls feel about my 2 regrets? do you feel the same???

**shed** · 10-04-2006 09:16

I will be 37 when my baby is born and he will be an only child. So I will be 40 when he turns 3.

It doesn't bother me, I always knew I would be an older mum and I always only wanted one child.

DP wants two, so we'll see what happens. This pregnancy is pretty hard on the ole body, but I have nothing to compare it to really.

**provencein3** · 10-04-2006 21:14

Hi Butterflykisses

I'm hoping my son won't be an only child. I actually joined BubHub to advertise in the Egg donor section. I declared last year whilst going thru an IVF cycle that it was going to be my last and that was it, but couldn't so we shall see. Hoping though it won't take too long as I don't want to be much older.

There are women older having children. Sometimes naturally. Generally via egg donor.

I remember being young, can't remember what age and thinking that I'd wait until I was a lot older to have children....by older I was referring to 26. Gee that is sooooo old. Opportunity never occured so I guess there's not a lot I can do about that. I wonder however if I wouldn't be so tired if I was younger. It's wonderful that women our age can have their first child but realistically would it not be more efficient (energy wise) to have them younger.

I also wonder whether I will be a granny for the same reason. Its funny. I go to visit my grandmother int he nursing home. She is 92. The attendents ask if I'm her daughter or granddaughter. I figure - how old do they think I am. But someone said, 'look at the age difference between you and my son'. Its still not that bad but as I say there are women having children up to 50.

Re the number of years with them, realistically how much dedicated time will you have with them once they have their own family...particularly I think if they're a boy. So I've never seen that as a regret. Just hoping I won't have to kick the ball around in the back yard with him when he's 12.

Shed ...soon to be.....I actually found my pregnancy very easy. But I think i was relatively fit and did moderate exercise throughout. I can remember going on a camping holiday and walking up steepish hills when I was about 6 mths pregnant that a younger male I know couldn't do.

**MariaO** · 10-04-2006 21:40

I will feel sad for my little one is she is (and she probably will be) and only child, but that is life I suppose.
I don't know that you could call it a regret - I am not sure what I would do differently. I loved my twenties and would not have wanted to be a mother then- I am sure I would have been a desperately selfish younger mother. In my thirties, by the time I met the right man, and tried to have a family it took longer than we would have wanted but there you go - as I say, i only feel sad for Aoife a little if she is an only child.

I love my relationship with my siblings, especially my sister so am sorry that she probably will not have the equivalent.

**melbourneprincess** · 11-04-2006 00:44

Originally Posted by ButterflyKisses

It's not that bad being an older mum however there's 2 things I regret:

The first is obviously that I won't have as long to spend with my DS as I would have had I had him in my 20's

2nd is that he will probably be an only child now

how do you girls feel about my 2 regrets? do you feel the same???

I have to say, I don't think it's quantity of time so much as quality of time - think of what you, as an older (hopefully lol) more mature person can bring to the life of your child that you couldn't have brought to their life if you had had them at a younger age.

I know that in my 20's, there was *no way* I could have been the parent I am now (saying that in a good way, lol!!). And *not* saying that younger parents have nothing to offer, just that there are pluses in both situations, and as an "older" parent, you should be happy for the pluses that go with it.

Yes I do regret in some ways that our daughter will most likely be an only child, but that (for us) is not just an age-related thing. Again, I think there are happy only children, and not-so-happy only children, just as there are happy/not-so-happy children who have siblings. Each child is an individual and will cope differently.

As long as your child is loved, that's the main thing imho...

**ButterflyKisses** · 12-04-2006 09:34

I guess for me I'm feeling sad for my DS at the moment because 4 of my friends have recently had their 2nd little ones and one it's her third (mind you are are all younger than me - 23, 30, 37 & 32) and for the last couple of days DS has been saying when playing with his teddies "Mummy this is my baby, he's a month old" or "Mummy we're playing families and these are my 2 babies" - just makes me feel sad for him.

Luckily he makes friends very easily and has quite a few that he sees every week so that helps that he's outgoing. I take him to 4 activities every week ie. Playgroup, Storytime at the Library (plus they do a bit of singing and a craft), Acrobatics and to a little Singing/Musical Instruments class where they sing nursery rhymes and play drums, bells etc. He really enjoys them all and loves dancing and joining in so I'm very pleased with all of that.

Melbourneprincess you are right that it's quality time not quantity that really matters. I look back and have so many happy memories of my Nana and I guess I'd like my DS's children to have some of me. Nevermind the clock cannot be wound back. I'm glad that my DS will have some happy memories of both his sets of grandparents. I make sure I take heaps of photos and videos so that those memories will be kept forever for him.