mother planning to be away for DDs 2nd birthday

[lilly]

I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much - I never know with my mother. But I have been planning a 2nd birthday party for my DD and had decided to do a kids party, and then a get together for family the next day.

I tell my mother and she goes, 'oh, we were planning a trip to Tasmania so...'

I mean, it's not even like her trip is finalised, but it is obvious that she had no intention of ever attending the party. And she hasn't even attempted to make some other time to see her for her birthday.

My DD just does not seem to be important to her. But my brother's newborn son is the shining light in her life who she talks non-stop about. Telling me about how she takes him for walks and 'shows him off'. She stays over at his house just to look after him. And his christening is coming up, which of course she will be in town for, and I think it will be akin to the christening of a king.

I try to be positive because I think it is good that she at least makes an effort for my nephew and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me annoyed or 'jealous'.

It's making me sick how obviously she is playing favourites. And sometimes I get really down because I think that she thinks that I shouldn't have become a mother and that I am unworthy - it really affects my self-esteem because I have always felt unworthy throughout my childhood.

I don't know what to do. The more I try to involve her, the more hurt I get. But if I cut her out, then I feel like I am being petty. And because she is so nice to everyone else, other relatives and such, I think they see me as being mean to her.

I just don't know what to do. As she is the grandparent, I thought that she would take the lead.

sorry, just so upset at the moment...

[punkbaby]

to you, i really cant say much but give you a few of these.

My mum was very distant and tended to favour the other grandkids, in the end i didnt go out of my way to cater for her. It was really hard and i hated how it made me feel bad, when it shouldnt have but it eventually worked. Mum missed out on a few special events and as i stopped changing my plans to cater for her as she never showed up anyhow it was like a wake up call for her to change her ways and realise what she was missing out on.

I guess now i have learnt i have my own family and they are the ones i have to worry about, i got sick of making things work and sick of worrying about what other people wanted or if they could come etc, now i have the attitude, they can work around me Makes me feel better and i am not getting walked all over in the mean time.

Hopefully things work out though even though my mums still a little distant and tends to forget about me sometimes, i have learnt now just to get on with my life harsh as that sounds

[Cherylanne]

I'm sorry that you're dissapointed that your mother wont be there for your DD's birthday, but you should plan your children's parties for them not who might or might not come.
My mother has only once come to one of my kids birthday parties, she usually just posts them a pressie.
C.

[toni796]

wiht PB.....Don't work it around your mum and do what is right for your family. The most important thing is to do what is best for you, DH and the kids. She may come around if she sees that she is missing out on seeing her grand daughter grow up.