I am posting this because although I act as though I am fine I am really not. To start from the beggining I beleive I had Ante-natal depression. While I was pregnant from about 20 weeks I started to get extreem mood swings to the point where I would contemplate self harm. Coincidentaly that is the point in my pregnancy where I started to get sick.
After a number of hospitalisations my son was delivered by emergency C-section at 30 weeks. He weighed just 845g and could not breath. My liver was failing as a result of pregnancy complications. From the time he was born I have felt as though if he dies I will take my life as well. I know that may sound irrational too others but it makes perfect sense too me. He came home after 10 weeks in hospital and has had numerous re admissions. I was diagnosed with PND when he was 8 weeks old and his lung collapsed. I took Zoloft until about 4 months ago when I stopped. I have been managing since then but I keep having dreams where he has died, irrational moments of terror or panic when I am convinced he has stopped breathing. And each time he is re admitted (11 times since 1st discharge) I am finding it harder and harder to cope.
I realise I have many things to be thankfull for but some days I am just in a daze.
Sorry for the long post and I hope it made sense.