Dating Coaches for my Son?

**jenkinsdakota** · 24-02-2008 10:27

My son, who is about 22 now, is horrible with girls. He's a university student, but on the holidays, when everyone is out, he stays at home all day and reads novels. He has never ever dated in his life. He has never set foot inside a night club. He has never ever sipped on alcohol. He saves about 90 per cent of his income because he has a phobia of shopping. He hates driving because he is worried he will crash. He hates being in large crowds because he thinks others will judge him by his appearance. He tends not to wear nice clothes. When I think about it, I am quite happy with these characteristics, but some people (like my neighbor) tell me they are not normal.

I had a frank talk with him and he told me that he would like to be in a relationship with a nice girl but said that he was just too scared and shy, and that most girls he meet are not nice.

In the news today I have read about dating coaches, which cost about $3000 per session. Do you think that if I enrol my son up for these dating sessions, they will help him? They sound very expensive. Has someone here has been to one of these?

**OJandMe** · 24-02-2008 10:31

Oh.. seriously I wouldn't bother.

He will meet someone when the time is right.

I never dated.. and I met my DH in a random encounter in a shopping centre.

And DH didn't date ever, and met me the same way.

I believe that there is someone for everyone, and when he's ready, and she's ready they'll meet by chance.

Just encourage him to do things he's passionate about and the confidence will come.

**SassyMummy** · 24-02-2008 11:29

I don't like the idea of a dating coach - I think they're more like acting coaches - who teach you how to act so that potential partners might be interested. Quite frankly, I'd rather someone like me cos I'm me, than because someone taught me how to act in a way that could draw in potential mates.

Your son will probably figure it out for himself when he's ready. I think it's great he's not running around sleeping with random girls he meets at clubs while they're both drunk.

If he WANTS a partner but is too scared, I'd encourage him to join a social group of some sort (maybe some sort of book club if he enjoys reading), but otherwise just leave it. If he doesn't particularly want a gf, then I think he's doing fine.

**CharlisMummy** · 24-02-2008 13:31

I think it would be a waste of money

My brother is 22 and has never had a girlfriend (except at school when they last a few days, lol) he's never been to a club and doesn't want to (I'm the same) and he's very much a home body and loves reading and video games.
He does have a small group of friends who he socialises with occasionally (movies etc) and a best friend, who is a girl, that he hangs out with regularly. He is also quite shy. He does drive though and have the occasional drink. I'm the same as your son with the driving though!

I really wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm sure he will meet a lovely girl one day when he least expects it!

**Seekrit** · 24-02-2008 13:39

I'm sure he'll meet a lovely girl "the one" dating coach or not.
However, if I were you, I would encourage him to talk to someone about the anxiety that it appears he has?

**Silvana** · 24-02-2008 19:45

I think these so-called "coaches" are a crock and are only out to line their own pockets.

He will find himself in his own time, generally with his own life experience. A coach wouldn't be able to help him anyway, because no one could force him to do things he wasn't comfortable with.

I agree with Sassymummy and Seekrit. He does sound like he has some issues that he should deal with.

**Mamalicious** · 24-02-2008 19:49

I agree with Seekrit, it seems there are other issues he may need help with.

Maybe a bit of counselling would help?

But no, I don't think it's a problem to not want to drink, to save your money, to not be totally preoccupied with your physical appearance...those are good qualities.

**shed** · 24-02-2008 20:10

I would put the money towards a defensive driving course and some counselling.

He doesn't need a dating coach. He sounds unique and delightful and I am sure some wise young lady will come along and snap him up when she is good and ready.

**~Bec~** · 24-02-2008 20:19

Sounds like he might have a bit of a confidence issue? Does he play and sport or participate in any group activities / social clubs? Perhaps that might be the way to go. It's not so much the dating that might be a problem but if he's not socialising with other people it will be very lonely for him.

**Shanaynay** · 24-02-2008 20:20

Oooo can I meet him? He sounds perfect

Truly - don't listen to people who say he's not normal - perhaps he is a touch anxious, I don't know, but he seems like a great guy, if only I had one!
If he truly is a bit lonely and would like to meet a girl, then as someone else suggested he could join a quiet social club where he is likely to meet similar people.....
.....he is at Uni yeah? Unis often have heaps and heaps of groups and clubs, tell him to check them out, there is bound to something he'd enjoy!

Oh and another "NO" to the dating coach here!