Anyone disappointed in your parents reaction to your newborn?

**lilly** · 11-02-2008 10:31

I was just thinking about this this morning...

When my DD was born, my mother came to visit us in the hospital. She took one look at my DD in the basinet and said, kinda sneeringly, 'gosh! can't say I see any resemblence.' then plonked herself down in the chair on the other side of the room, like, ok, what are we going to talk about now.

then later, when my MIL and FIL arrived and where all over the baby, saying 'she's so beautiful' etc. etc. my mother decided she wanted to hold the baby, and then turned to her partner and said 'gosh, she's so heavy, hurts your arm'.

then she said, kindof miserably 'oh well, who knows what the future holds for this one'

to which I cracked it and said 'what's that supposed to mean!?'

and then my mother looked kind of alarmed and decided it was time for them to leave.

I've been thinking about this experience lately cos my brother just had his first child (my DD was the first grandchild) a boy, who my mother said, when talking to me on the phone, 'was such a dear little thing'. Now he was 9pound 12.

I'm glad that she is happy about my brother's child and maybe now she is more used to the idea of being a grandparent. I also may have been pretty sensitive when she came to visit me, as I hadn't had much sleep. Nonetheless I am disappointed in her initial reaction to DD and I can't help but think that I don't want to go through that again with the birth of number 2.

anyone else had similar experience?

x

**our little treasures** · 11-02-2008 10:48

When our children were born our parents were equally delighted, it's just the following years that I have noticed the comments. Constantly making remarks about the kids in a kind of negative way like pointing out big ears noses that my dd1 is way to old for her age. Totally inappropriate.

**neostudded** · 11-02-2008 11:00

Iam so sorry to hear that

I would have been quite hurt aswell.

When I had Julius my mother was over the moon, so was my dad and my mother in law.My father in law wasnt excited at all, and keep calling Julius "it" and being nasty on purpose.When he fist saw Julius he said "ITS sleeping, WAKE IT UP, WAKE IT UP...!"...Um yeah.I wasnt expecting that from a man in his mid 40's who had 5 children to say the least.He doesnt like Julius at all, will not hold him smile at himor talk to him, only jokingly says nasty things...

**justmum** · 11-02-2008 11:08

Well my mother and I fell out over 4 years ago (at my wedding) and she refuses to see us or DS or to acknowledge him at all. I am not really hurt by this - I am more relieved as I wouldn't want her near him making negative comments about him or me or DH to DS.

My Dad wasn't very interested and only saw DS about 8 weeks after he was born and won't hold him or anything. His wife has been lovely though and loves DS to bits. My brother loves him as well and has been loving and supportive.

My MIL and FIL have been wonderful. They adore DS and I love them to bits and wish they were my parents. My entire DH's family has made my mother and father look like a pair of selfish fools. I feel very sorry for them because they are the ones missing out.

So I guess it is a bit disappointing, but I don't care too much. I'd rather no contact at all than negative contact.

**spoon** · 11-02-2008 11:10

Some people are just lousy at being appropriate and pleasent. Like they lack education on things you can and can not say to people who have just had children.

Your mother sounds horrible.

**Queen** · 11-02-2008 11:18

My Mum was wonderful, however my Dad ignored DD never held her, acknowledged her until she was about 9 months

Its hard, it is

I feel your pain.

**Ana Gram** · 11-02-2008 11:29

Maybe she just isn't a baby person. There are lots of us like that. And this is why I completely avoid going to see people's babies so I am not put on the spot about what I think about them or asked if I want to hold, because I really don't. The best I can come up with is "Yep, it's a baby".

**TKK** · 11-02-2008 11:47

Yr not alone! My mother and I fell out of sorts a few years ago and neither she or my brother have seen nor want to see DD. My father calls every once in a while because his wife said he should "see how the baby is doing". I don't think he's ever called her by her name. Nothing malicious by my father, he's just not that sort of person I guess.

On the flipside, MIL loves DD to bits and my IL in general have been fantastic. Whilst I am so happy that they love DD, it sometimes brings it home that I don't have that sort of support from my side. But then I quickly recheck and be thankful that we have some support and people who do love us!

You certainly can't choose your family so I just make sure to surround myself by friends who are positive, love DD, myself and DH and generally bring good vibes to our life.

**Waiting4girl** · 11-02-2008 12:09

It sounds like your mother is not a happy person herself! I don't think that these comments are about your baby, but about life itself! How could you bring a baby into this world kind of thing.

I was surprised when I had my DD that my mum didn't seem all that interested. I came to the conclusion that she just isn't that maternal. But she is a bit of an unhappy woman at the moment.

**mum23girls** · 11-02-2008 12:29

When my first was born, even though my mother was at the hospital with me, she was still coming to terms with not being able to have more children...so that impacted heavily with my baby. It was like she resented me, and the baby.

Things have changed a bit since then, but they are emotional wounds that will never heal.

As for her having a better relationship with my siblings' children when the time comes... I doubt it as well.