I think my brother is cutting himself..what do I do???

[sweetsecret]

Ok, I really need some advice...

My mum and I think my brother may be cutting himself.

A little while ago I noticed a cut down his wrist and I jokingly said 'did you try and cut your wrist' and he said 'no, I slipped when I was making lunch' and that was that.
On Friday we went out and at lunch I noticed 5 or 6 cuts down his wrist. I said what's that all about and he said he fell over out the front and scraped it on the corner of the brick wall. I said about the last time and he just laughed. I just stared at him with an 'I'm on to you buddy haha' kind of look and he laughed and said 'now I'm self conscious!'
I mentioned it to my DH when I got home and he said I was being silly. I didn't think of it again.

Then this morning my mum came over to go out with me and DD and she said 'I have to tell you something, I feel sick, I think you already know' and then told me she thought he was cutting himself.
She asked him about his wrist and he told her the same thing. She was mucking around saying 'what, are you doing it on purpose' etc etc and he was laughing and saying yeah right.
The next morning she got up and there was a few drops of blood on the floor downstairs. She asked him if he'd hurt himself last night and he said no so she just assumed it was Dad.

When my dad got home (she hasn't said anything to him) he went upstairs and said to my brother 'how many fingers did you cut off last night, haha' as he'd found bloody tissues. My brother told him he'd had a nose bleed.

So mum went upstairs after dad was gone and said 'you lied' and he was laughing and said I did have a nose bleed.

So now mums all worried she's going to find him in his room or something IYKWIM

What should we do?????

[Lollie86]

I used to be a self harmer when I was a teenager and the worst thing would be when people would ask me jokingly about the cuts on my arm when I first started. It got so bad that I started wearing long sleeve tops even in summer so no one would know. This went on for so many months, I think it was close to a year before I stopped.

I think if he isnt worried about people seeing them then either he is telling the truth and they have all been accidents or he just doesnt care what anyone thinks about him doing it.

It sounds like if he is hurting himself then it is definately a cry for help. Instead of jokingly asking him about the cuts, maybe pull him aside and have a chat to him and let him know that your concerned about him and that you love him and want to help him if he needs it. I know thats all I wanted when I was hurting myself.....

Is he a a lot younger then you? Do you know if anything has happened recently that could have triggered this?

If all else fails, maybe suggest counselling?

[fifipirko]

Talk to him .. explain what it is (self harming I mean) and try to get him to get professional help. Good luck, hope he will figure out soon what bothers him and stop self harming himself.

[bubbleyblossom]

I also used to be a self harmer, but nobody said anything to me about it.
What I can suggest is the same as lollie said, instead of mucking around talk to him about it, dont accuse him of doing it, just ask him if he needs to talk about anything. It could turn out that it has been accidental, but it also could not, he needs to know you are there for him.

[sweetsecret]

Nothing has happened recently that I know of. he's been looking for a job for about 18 months but I didn't think that was really bothering him, he's still at home so no rent or bills or anything. Although he's a bit peeved that he never gets a response back when he applies for a job. Dad's kind of been putting the pressure on about it but nothing major, he doesn't really understand why its taking so long to find something.

Also mum said he had a big square bandaid on his wrist yesterday. He said it was because she kept looking at it.

I'm seeing him tomorrow so I'll try and have a chat with him about it.

[bubbleyblossom]

There are warning bells going off in my head now hun. If I noticed someone looking at my cuts, I'd cover them with a bandaid and use the same excuse. How old is your brother?

[HelenHasTwins]

I would be trying to contact a kids help line or crisis centre...how old is he, is he a EMO or hang out with EMO's ( does he dress a bit different) as I have heard self harming is popular with EMO's ? God knows why?

I just goggled the information below, I think you should take this serious and try to talk to him or ring the help lines yourself and see what they suggest.....



Why do people start harming themselves?

Self-harming can be a way that people deal with feelings of:

• helplessness, despair and low self-esteem
• anger, loneliness, shame and guilt
• not having control over their life
• being 'out of it' – so the only way to feel 'real' is to cause physical pain to themselves.

Some self-harm is related to severe emotional pain. When people have experienced abuse or violence, it often re-appears as emotional pain in later life. Some people have said that:

• When they hurt themselves physically, it helps take away the emotional pain.
• Self-harm makes internal pain visible on the surface. It is showing that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
• Self-harm is a way that people punish themselves for something.

People who harm themselves...

• may have difficulty expressing their feelings verbally
• may dislike themselves and their bodies
• may do it because of difficulties with relationships
• may do it because of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety or stress.

It is important to understand that whatever the reason for self-harming behaviour, there are more positive ways of dealing with the troubling feelings.






I hope you get the help you need to help your brother

[Briswegian]

You can get a referral through a gp to see a qualified psychologist (thorugh medicare) specially trained to help with self harm.
Just speak to your brother from your heart and offer and ear.
Good luck

[Lollie86]

with everything Helenwantsabub just posted. I didnt feel any physical pain when cutting and it was a way of me expressing bc I was going through depression.

Definately speak to him tomorrow. If he is having trouble finding a job and has your dad on his back about it, it could be depressing him and this is his way of getting out his frustrations. What if you suggest helping him look for a job? Get online with him and look together? It could get his motivation up.

[susmamma]

If he's letting you and others see the cuts, he's calling out for help.

Please sit down with him and organise for him to talk to a therapist (you can get a referal from a gp).

We all go through phases where we cant cope and we do things that make it easier to find control in our chaotic lives. Self harmers are finding a way to exert control over their lives. Obviously cutting yourself, burning yourself or starving yourself are increadably toxic and unproductive methods.

He needs to find someone he can trust so he can let go some of the anger or stress or depression he is feeling. Talking it out and getting help is paramount.

Dont panic, he's showing you his cuts so it means he's ready to get help.
Good luck xx