Won't be called nan, gran or anything!

[alicesmum]

hi everyone
i have just been reading about your MILs (heheh...very interesting!).
but i wanted to ask a very specific question though about what your kids call their grandmothers (or step-grandmothers).

my MIL says she refuses to let Alice (her first, and not yet talking, grandchild) or any of her future grandchildren call her Grandma, Nanna, Gran, Nan or anything at all, other than her first name.

I just feel so sad that my kids will call her by her first name, as I feel it doesn't signify the importance of the relationship btw them. she LOVES alice to death and babysits 2 days per week (she babysits other people's kids on the other days and on weekends, which makes it even more sad for me, as alice will be calling her what all these other kids do).

She says it makes her feel "old" (she is 61 after all - old enough to be a grandmother by most people's standards). What other names do you suggest I suggest that might make her feel less 'old'?? Has anyone else had a similar problem with in-laws???

(P.S. what makes me even more p^$$ed is that my dad's wife who has only been on the scene a couple of years, wants to be called 'nonnie' or something like that. i don't really want my kids calling her a special name and calling their real grandmother by her first name )

thanks!

[mummyb]

hi
we have a similar problem
my father inlaw past away a few years ago never having meet his grankids my mil
remarried and now we have to refer to her new partner as granpa which really use to annoy me and at first hurt my husband.
but we couldnt say anything because the " granpa " loves the kids so much we just wouldnt want to hurt his feelings and then we figured it was better too have agranpa than to not.
my mil keeps changing her mind ,first it had to be granma flo then it had to be gandma then it was nana
now he just calls her flo and it realy annoys her but she bought it on her self silly woman.
we have always refered to my mum as gran but because my ds couldnt make the g sound he called her nanny which has just stuck i think she would still preffer gran but she loves him so much she dosent mind what he calls her.
just relax it will all work itself out if your mum wants to be called by her first name it sounds like theres someone closes by whos more than happy to be a nanny or granny andwho knows maybe if she gets a " title" your mum will want one to . you never know.
goodluck

[LouLou]

Hi I had a similiar situation with my MIL, and we sat down and discussed it one day, and we talked about appropriate names and how I felt that our children might not see her "as special" if we did not somehow identify her as different from other people they may come across in their lives. My MIL also did not wish to feel old and we discussed different options.
Sometime as mothers we forget that becoming a granparent for some people can be a signal of old age and it makes them wonder where the time has gone.
If you have not already - talk to her about your childhood - and your husband talk too- if you have special memories of your grandparents and having a special name.
Anyway we compromised and now our children have Nanna Carmel, which we all agreed on. Don't know if your MIL will be open to this idea but it allowed her to remain "a person" as well as use her christian name.

[jamb]

my mum was similar, did not want to be called nanny/grandma so we went with bella, beautiful lady in italian (we are kinda eccentric family.

my dad didnt really care but his middle name is doone (irish heritage) so we are going with doonie for him.

i never called my grandparents by nan/gran etc, they were mardy and fardy- much to the amusement of my school friends, but hey who cares i loved them! i say be creative....

[mumof2girls]

My kids only have my parents as grandparents and 1 step grandma.
They call my mum g'ma, my dad "grumpy" (long story that goes back to the first grandchild) but his wife my kids call by name not anything else and that is by their choice, when he is talking about her he says nanna but they don't call her that as they don't want to.

I also have 6 step-grandchildren and they call me grandma-Kay which I found hard at first (I'm only 35!) but you get use to it and it helps the little kids distinguish between adults.

Really they are your children and you need to discuss your wishes with those involved and try and come to a conclusion that is good for everyone (hopefully)

Good Luck!

[willsmum]

Can you compromise? We have a Granny-Rose and a Nanna-Jeane. That way they get their names as well as a grandma type name.

[alicesmum]

thank you ladies. i will discuss some of these ideas with her next time the opportunity arises.
her name is heather, go grandma heather may be a mouthful, but nanna heather may be ok. i like bella a lot mammajack. but i think my MIL might be a bit too conservative for that one (pity!).
thanks
rachel

[mumofone]

Hi

I just read your thread, my grandparents weren't keen on the grandma etc titles when we were born, I am the 3rd grandchild of 15. My oldest cousin was to call them by their first names. Children being children she came up with Meme for Mary and Winkle for Win ( As in twinkle winkle little star !!) They have stuck and are now really affectionate loving pet names I can't imagine calling them anything else. My parents couldn't decide as they were younger when our daughter was born and they thought of first names too , well my daughter just adapted that to her vocab and they have really nice pet names too. My mother in law wanted to be granny and she ended up as Gaga. We haven't told her yet !!
Hope this helps,

[alicesmum]

hi mumofone
that's great to hear. thank you!! i don't feel quite so annoyed about the whole thing now!
rachel

[H&B'sMum]

I have a big long story about the names my parents have choosen. When I was little my dad's nickname for me was LOD (Little Old Dear) and then I came up with the name BOD (Big Old Dad) for my dad. The names have stuck. My dad then decided that he wanted to be called BOD by my children. So we thought of NOD (Nice/Nan Old Dear) for my mum. Do Harry now has a NOD and BOD, which I just love. He also has a Nan and Grandad who are my IL's.
Good luck with it all.