Miscarriages

**kiara** · 05-05-2005 21:46

Hi,

I hope I have posted this in the right area. I'm new to all this so here I got. In December 2003 I miscarried my first child. I held alot of the pain in as I felt that I needed to be strong. I only cried to my friend and wouldn't cry in front of my family. I wasn't with the father for any of the pregnancy and lost it at 12wks. It wasn't until March 2004 that I lost the plot. I went to my friends house warming with my best friend having a fantastic time and all of a sudden I turned to my friend and told her we have to leave there was too many people here. I left hysterical. This was the first time I cried in front of my family. I found I wasn't cpoing with the normal day to day things so I went to my doctor. He told me that I was just upset and to go out and have another child. After that I thought it was me being silly. Now we are a year and a half after the even and I still find myself upset at little things and sometimes I'll be driving along and it will be like I get this wave over me and I go from happily driving along singing to a blubbering mess.

I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there that has been in my position and how to cpoe with it all??

**LouLou** · 06-05-2005 08:04

Hi Kiara,
I too have been through two miscarriages and everything you have described plus some more I wnet through. After the first miscarriage I thought I was doing ok, I thought that i could handle the loss and life goes on, but a few months after the event I felt as though I couldn't handle anything. I had gone from a reasonably smart capable human being to someone who had difficulty making decisions was easily brought to tears and the list goes on.
Anyway I went to see a bowen therapist as I had a sore back, and we were talking and he said he also did body work - I thought what the heck is body work, and he asked if I wanted to give it a go. I thought what the heck okay, and basically it was just a matter where he would calmly touch different areas of my body (head arms etc) and ask me questions about my life - like what i do etc etc, anyway he came to my stomach area and all of a sudden I thought about losing the baby and I started talking about it. he asked me if I had said goodbye to my baby and if not would I like to, so I said yes. I gave my baby a name (in my head) and some of the stuff I said out loud and other stuff I said in my had and he said a few words about my baby's soul being free to go back to heaven and come back again to someone else.
I know this may sound weird but it worked, I left that guys place feeling as though the weight of the world had been lifted.
Needless to say the next time around when I miscarried I just did the stuff myself. I sat down and wrote a letter of all the things I was feeling sad about - not being able to see my baby's face and cuddle them and see them grow up, and then I sent my baby all my love and wished her the best and imagined her floating up into the sky to heaven.
Please don't think I am a weirdo this stuff really did work. Many people forget that miscarrying is a huge loss for a woman and just like losing somone to death the same sort of grieving needs to be done.
So please grieve the loss of your baby and feel sad and bad and all the others things so you can come out the other side much happier and stronger and be ready to accept another baby into your life.

**kiara** · 06-05-2005 17:22

Thanks Louise. Ive have done somethings like that. I named my baby and due to a weird event after my miscarriage I decided that it was a girl. I lit a candle on her due date and am planning to do so again this year. (She has her own candle) I also have a worry box my sister gave me for xmas (as I lost her 3 days before xmas) and I used to hold it and read the poem in it and put my thoughts out to it every now and again.

I don't for one minute think your a "weirdo" at all. I welcome your advice with open arms. I'll try anything to get back to the old happy bubbly self I once was. I am very self-destructive at times, something which I never was before. I will have to find a bowen therapist in my area who does body work and give it a try.

Thank you so much for you help and understanding, it has been muchly appreciated

**kamckellar** · 06-05-2005 22:43

hi kiara,i am a single mum of 4 premmie babies.i have had 13 pregnancies.9 being miscarriages,1 being a termination,2 single births and a set of identical girls.After my first 2 miscarriages i just believed i would never carry to term and just dealt with it.then my son liam was born 4 wks early.then followed another misscarriage.my 2nd son ethan was born 6 wks early.then again i fell pregnant.this time was different.i didnt want to be preg and my husband and i werent getting on.i willed this preg away.at 10 wks i found out it was twins.i started to get excited.one wk later i started bleeding an ultrasound revealed id lost one of my babies,but the other bub was fine.ten days later i miscarried the other bub.i was absolutely distraught.i can completely understand where ur at as even though i went on to have my precious daughters isla and keely born 11 wks early and suffered many more misscarraiages before and after their births its the first twin miscarriage that im still trying to get over.im bawling while im writing this to u.my dr. put me on antidepressants 4 yrs ago and sent me to counselling but im still a mess.not a day goes by that i think that it was my fault.my marriage broke down 3 months after that miscarriage.i gave up work,and i became a recluse.i now take each day as it comes and believe that if i want to cry than its my bloody right to.no one can feel what u r feeling.only u carried ur baby,only u got morning sickness,and only u can learn to pick urself up when u r ready too.i have great days and others i just want to scream y me? all i can suggest is counselling and talk to ur dr.and cry girl.because after a good cry i feel so much better.if ur in another situation where u feel ur going to lose it dont feel ashamed.u r allowed to grieve.my family and friends cant believe that im still on my"happy pills"as they call them.they think i should just get over it.i talk about it at every opportunity.and when im ready to get over it if ever il do it in my own time my own way.so chin up,u r definately not alone and if u want to email me please feel free to do so.premmies mum. kamckellar@bigpond.com

**suziebear** · 03-06-2005 09:24

Hi Kiara,

I have a six month old son however have been going through a hard time to with a few things and have been unable to find someone on the coast who does the body work that I do know a little about however a there is a lady who visits Buderim once a week. She also recommends Hypnotherapy for a lot. They do not hypnotise you - they just put you in a deep relaxed state where your sub concious mind is able to let go of the feelings you are holding and you are then able to deal with situations a lot better and get some "normal" life and feelings back. There are alot of people on the coast who do practice this and many of them are good.

Also witht he Bowen Therapy there are three that I know are good in Caloundra. If you would like there details please feel free to contact me at suziebear@bigpond.com

Hang in there. My friend has lost two pregnancies and it does get better.

Also there is a chinese herbalist that I know is able to help with carrying pregnancies on and fertitlity if you are interesting in some homework before trying again.