I just want to tell yez how amazed i am to still be bf-ing dd.
before she came along, i was so unendowed i considered wearing a bra an act of optimism -- 'gee, if i put one of these on, maybe some boobs will appear'
even just before her birth i really didn't think my almost-40 year old body would grind into gear enough to make all that bit work. i bought glass bottles, just in case it didn't, and was fairly sure we'd need them.
when she was born, she showed no immediate interest, and i'd had none of that colostrum leak so i figured it was not going to happen.
when dawn came that first morning in hospital -- she was born 11.45 pm -- there was just her and me in a room, and she was obviously hungry. i didn't think to call anyone, just picked up my bubba and tried to remember what i'd seen mum do, and what i'd read in my ante-natal type books, and let starfish latch on. it seemed to work, much to my suprise, bubbles of milk appeared at the side of her mouth. in that moment, she made me a mumma.
a midwife wandered in a while later and exclaimed i should have got some help and corrected what i was doing to her satisfaction, and explained about the all important hospital chart and feed scoring system. oh blsh, like it's not enough to wrangle a newborn sitting on a surgical wound made with something as subtle as kitchen shears, you've gotta rate it, time it, measure it, and be told a different right way by at least a dozen different staff. all that and a baby to be in love with too.
anyway, we persevered, with me thoroughly confused by all the different midwives and aching to just go home asap from this place and get on with this business of feeding my baby.
so get on with it we did, we persevered through colic, and discovering the various things she is intolerant to like milk protein, refined wheats, numbers, cocoa,
but we kept breastfeeding through the excema, the wind, the bouts of crying and sleepless nights
we got to six weeks, and we got told perhaps our milk was not enough, and btw she is being fed too often
so we rebelled, and went on a freeranging breastfeeding frenzy for the next foreseeable...
and we kept breastfeeding, with no colic, and less misery
we got through the blocked ducts, the feverishness and sore boobs of early mastitis, a few times now.
we got through nights where i was too tired and grumbled and and sometimes cried and still kept breastfeeding
we got through days where everything else was far too interesting but also far too much and there was tugging and biting down and wriggling and milk running away and an overtired mumma going 'why won't you sleep' and STILL breastfeeding
now my starfish is sitting up and eating solids and drinking water sometimes from a sippy cup, she is 7mo and we are STILL breastfeeding. she's never had formula. we've not used the bottles for anything but storing stuff in for going out or in the fridge
she's been breastfed in meetings, in cafes, in carparks, on the side of highways, in parks, during interviews, during social events, during dinner, while i'm on the phone, while i'm doing email, al fresco outside in the garden almost every day at least once, and in every room of the house except the WC. she's even been BF in the bath.
she gets bf to sleep, even though we got told again, and again and again we shouldn't, as the saying goes 'if it aint broke, don't try and fix it'.
i said at the first chn appointment after the birth i was aiming for six months. in those first fairly horrendous weeks of blurred day/night and endless feeding, endless laundry, endless crying, colic, sore boobs, sore ***, and sleeping only for catnaps, six months felt like forever, but it felt achievable, in a grim sort of way. it was the minimum WHO stndard and well, pride if nothing else would abloige me to get there at least.
but it turned out love kept me going. love IS the superpower. loving this bubba so much that only the very brest will do. not wanting to put anything bad into this dear body that i'm helping make, this being I'm caretaking for tomorrow. turned out six months can go real fast when a baby is unfolding into a child before your very eyes. now however long we do keep it up seems very precious. even though I still have my moments in the wee small hours of those nights when it's hourly wakes where I can understand the appeal of formula, or the urge to wean a bubba, it's the merest passing shadow of a feeling compared to how postive I feel about feeding my gal. even when that shadow is on the moment, I STILL keep breastfeeding. and get through it. and love to feed DD for another day.
that's been my BF journey, wholly unexpected, cmpletely challenging, but absolutely, richly and wonderfully rewarding. as my starfish grows there is a sort of satisfaction comes from being so involved in that, in being a source of goodness and nourishment in her life.
thanks for listening, and many, many thanks for all the support from youse beautiful Bubhubs BF-ing mummas