A Big Shock... What to Do!

**tired*mummy** · 19-12-2007 14:53

Hi everyone
I'm not sure what to do about this family problem. Its abit long, sorry i will try to shorten it.
Here goes...

My dad recently told my sister, my brother & i that he is a transexual & he is going to have a sex change.

Apparently this has been going on for 7 years & he has bee seeing pysciatrists (sp?) for 7 years & other specialists etc. He has been on hormones for the past 2 years & has already... wait for it... has A cup breasts. He has been making a few changes to his appearance over the years which we have noticed but thought maybe he might have been gay or going thru a mid life crisis. He is 52. His wife.. which isnt my mum is supporting him threw this & i dont really understand how she can. She's still in shock too i think even though she has known about it for the last 7 years. He is about to go threw his transition, where he will dress like a woman. He has to live like a woman for 2 years before he has the finally big change. He's is changing his name soon & doesnt want us to call him dad from now on. This really hurts & upsets me & not sure how i should feel about this whole situation. Also what are DH & I supposed to tell our kids? We have no idea what to do & neither do my mum, sister or brother. Dh is scared that if we tell the girls that if they say anything (mainly DD1) at kinder or school then they might get teased or bullied etc. Or other parents might feel uncomfortable for their children to play with our girls etc. I dont want it to harm/ruin my daughters first year of school. People say that they girls wont understand or notice but i know DD1 will. She saw Elmo kiss a boy on TV the other day & said ewww... thats gross. Boys dont kiss Boys

So i'm pretty sure that she is going to notice this big change with her grandfather. Also my dad doesnt want the kids to call him Pop anymore either. What the hell are they supposed to call him? His new female name. I dont want that. I dont think i can even call him what he wants to be called. I am under alot of stress because of this. I want my children to have a grandfather & they wont now. DH's dad isnt around anymore so they dont have him either. Its so unfair for them. We really dont know if we should cut off contact or let them see him? Should we ask a child pyscologist to ask them whats the best way to deal with this? I'm not sure if i even want to continue seing him... i dont think i can see him like that. What to do? Any advice would be great... or if anyone has ever had to deal with this sort of thing.

**neostudded** · 19-12-2007 14:59

Iam sorry to hear that

I really havent been though anything like that before so I dont have any advice.To be honest I dont know what id do in your positon.But I couldnt say nothing, what a tough situation your in.

I would be shocked to.

**Ruby Slippers** · 19-12-2007 15:03

That is a BIG shock it must be such a Relief ,
for your Dad to finally tell ,
he is still your Dad and loves you ,
and you want him to be happy ,
I hope you can ALL work things out
and still stay in contact

**greengables** · 19-12-2007 15:03

oh huny i have no advice except that if u can somehow work thru it and accept him for him(her?)self - ie the soul - then u won't have lost him (her?) i agree it will b confusing and hard!!

**prideNJoy** · 19-12-2007 15:04

wow, firstly

to you and your family. I can understand that this must be so hard to come to grips with. Im not sure how well i would handle a situation like this either.

I don't have any sound advice other than take each day as it comes i guess.
And i think talking to someone ie: psychologist(sp) or the likes would probably be a good idea, they at least would be able to give you some steps on how to cope and manage this change that you will all go through.

Good luck, hope it all works out for everyone.

**bAaM** · 19-12-2007 15:05

Hi darl firstly big hugs for you and your family

I havent been through anything like this but though i might suggest maybe ringing lifeline to talk to someone about how you can try and deal with this and a way to tell your kiddies about it.
It must be a very hard situation for you and i wish you all the best.

**amyt878** · 19-12-2007 15:19

I'm no expert, but I think you and your DH should see a counsellor. Get some off the load off and ask about all the questions relating to the kids...

**tired*mummy** · 19-12-2007 15:28

I should have added that my sister, brother & i arent very close to my dad. He's never really been there for us. He left my mum when i was 12 & he was always working when i was growing up so not home alot... mainly overseas. Thats were he met his other wife. He says he's always had feelings like this even before he married my mum. Why then would he marry someone else? I understand that it would have been really hard for him to keep his secret for so long & it would be a relief for him to get it out in the open. My mum said he's happy now because he has put his burden & stress on all of us. My mum doesnt care what he does but she is very annoyed that he has done this to us & especially his grand kids.

**Amity22** · 19-12-2007 15:36

This is a tough one and I dont have any advice for you except that I hope that you guys can find a way to make it all work.

Good luck

V8 · 19-12-2007 15:37

Hi, i'm so sorry you are going through this, but i also feel that your Dad does need support through this rather than close the doors on him.

I found this article that is from another person who's father came out as a transexual, may have similar thoughts to yourself.

http://www.lib.latrobe.edu.au/AHR/ar...7/gunther.html

Also if you have access to a decent library or even do a bit of googling, you may find some books about it, or ask your father if he has any info, the more info and understanding you have i think you'll best be able to accept his transition and still have a relationship with him as a 'dad' and also he is still your children's grandad. Goodluck and i know it would be very hard and confusing, but with support from everyone i'm sure you will work through this.