Please help - advice on panic attacks

**threeangels** · 24-11-2007 20:06

Hi there
I'm new to bub hub & have finally built up the courage to post this note....I am in desperate need of advice & help.
I have recently terminated my pregnancy for the 3rd time in 4yrs. I am a happily married woman...my husband is loving & we decided to start trying for a family for the first time about 4yrs ago. At about 6wks I became quite anxious & started to worry & panic about everything... I had severe morning sickness.... all day long & by about 9wks I was considering terminating the pregnancy... I sought counselling but nothing could change my mind....no matter what, my panic attack drove me to a termination. I was 10wks pregnant...For 12 months after that I battled with anxiety & depression.... feelings of sadness.. guilt... I was a bad person... I have a great marriage but yet I couldn't cope with the pregnancy & freaked out.... After 12 months we tried again & I got pregnant.. same thing all over again. The severe nausea & vomiting, anxiety & depression and I kept telling myself we had made the same mistake. I was devesatated at the amount of stress I must have been putting my gorgeous husband through. But despite this, & even though he tried to reassure me & talk me out of it, my panic attacks were too severe & I told myself by wk 6 that I needed to have a termination. At this point I was told by the abortion clinic that I needed to seek psychological support. I started seeing a psychologist & have been taking Zoloft for about 2 1/2 years now..We've been tackling my anxiety & a few months ago (after about 3yrs from the last termination) we decided to give it another go. I had an obstetrician involved who was aware of my history, I had my psychologist & also a psychiatrist involved. We were certain that this team of support & that the work I had put in over the past few years & the fact that I would continue on Zoloft during the pregnancy would help. At wk 7 I felt like I was going crazy, couldn't sleep, eat, work, the thoughts all came back. My psychiatrist recommended I be admitted into hosp for urgent treatment, but I panicked & booked myself in again for a termination. We are distrought & at a loss to what causes me to become like this when I fall pregnant... please is there anyone out there that can shed some light?

**alisando01** · 24-11-2007 20:27

have u heard of antenatal depression? It is good that ur medico's r following u thru it n trying to help u not to go thru with terminations. Can I recommend the depression section here? maybe ur body is sensitive to pg hormones that usually make ppl happy? If the Psych's r recommending a hospy stay, I would go. they can help and hopefully will b able to get u thru this difficult time.

hun, there r heaps of ppl here 4 u and we all try to support each other.

**Lastcenturymum** · 24-11-2007 21:05

Um, well. I don't know what to say and can't offer any advice, except maybe you have the idea now that pregnancy and motherhood is not for you if you can't handle it that many times.

I guess you need all the medical/psych support available so you can move forward with your life and work out what you really want.

**macca27975** · 25-11-2007 07:11

Anxiety is the horrible

and when pregnant the hormones are crazy enough as it is and it doesn't help when you are already anxious. Many many women become anxious is early pregnancy, I was the same, I found it hard to eat and sleep or even relax. I had a bllod test and it came back that I had an overactive thyroid, but only the 2 times I was pregnant. It is sad, I miscarried twice, but I was determined to get through it as I have done before and I will again as my desire to be a mum is so much more stronger, but the anxiety is still bad. I am now scared that if and when we get pregnant again, I will be the same and maybe want be able to handle it or handle being a mum, I am scared I will get PND. The mind is a powerful thing and we get these unwanted thoughts in our head and at times they are really hard to get rid of, but with help and meds (that is if they are needed) this illness can be beaten and managed, but it does take time and it is so great that you have all this support and that is great and the first step to recovery.

I know it is hard for your DH as they don't understand and those that haven't been through it don't understand, they try and they are supportive but they also worry and sometimes that worry can make this worse.

I believe you will be a mum and you will have a beautiful child, but maybe if you feel you are unable to carry the baby you might like to look into other options.

I wish you all the very best and try and be strong, it is hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel and anxiety is something we can manage and sometimes over come and I am sure you will also. Take care and know bubhub is a wonderful place to vent, chat and get some great advice. Take care

**threeangels** · 25-11-2007 12:28

Thanks for your messages guys.
There just doesn't seem to be as much info out there about antenatal depression as there is about PND. I agree that maybe there is something going on re: sensitivity to pg hormones, but this needs to be checked out.
Macca your comments were very supportive..it's hard.. most people wouldn't understand anxiety & panic attacks unless they've experienced them...& it makes it worse when termination is part of the subject....it's awful..it consumes me everyday

**threeangels** · 02-12-2007 15:47

Hi again

Saw my OT a few days ago. He thinks I should seek a 2nd opinion from a different psychologist. He thinks maybe Zoloft is not the answer for me during pregnancy. He also thinks I need to do more work on whether I really want a baby....of course I want one!!! Would I have otherwise been spending all of my energy the past few years trying to get counselling & deal with my anxiety so I could be a better mum...I mean if I feel in my heart that I want a baby so how can I further analyze it??... he thinks maybe I dont' want it bad enough because I panic when I get the severe MS & then go downhill from there. He suggests getting on top of the MS straight away with meds, to avoid getting dehyrated, weight loss, & then subsequently anxious & depressed.

**alisando01** · 03-12-2007 22:20

That does sound like a good plan re treating the cause, not just the effect, iykwim.

**punkbaby** · 03-12-2007 22:33

I find my axiety is at its peak when pregnant or BF and just before AF arrives. Nothing anyone can say will make them go away! They are horrible things. I was on zoloft on and off both my last pregnancies but it didnt seem to help when the attacks were at their peak.

I was told though that as i cannot store iron this can be part of the reason i suffer so bad during pregnancy, bf and AF. It makes sense as they are really bad then i just hope i can research it more to see if this is the case. My iron is always really low and even taking supplements doesnt help but its ironic it happens when its at its lowest.

I hope you find the support you need and you beat this. I beat it everyday but it comes back stronger but i know i am not going to let it get me down now and i have an awesome counsellor who makes sure of that

**nanzy23** · 04-12-2007 07:28

hi there.
Reading your story left me with many different emotions and feelings.
I myself, have anxiety and panick disorder with mild agorophobia and i am pregnant. It seems that my anxiety is much worse through pregnancy, but i feel that is prob bcoz i have had tocut down dramatically on my meds.
When i have a severe panick attack my first thought is to relax so i dont stress my baby out. Sometimes they are so over bearing (normally they are their worst when i am at work) and my panick ends up being about my babys health and well being. Baby comes first always to me.
I can understand and appreciate your suffering. being anxious and having attacks is no way to live.
I dont think that you should get pregnant again - yet anyways. If it was just once that you had terminated your child then it would be a different story - but its been 3 times...
I def would recommend if you are to get pregnant again, to possibly admit yourself somewhere where you are safe, and where you wont harm your baby...
I think the thing that worrys me most, is that if you terminate it now, when it is born - what happens if you cant cope and harm the baby etc?
I feel for you, and i hope that you can get better so you can experience the joy of having a little miracle. But definitely think that its a good idea to be the absolute best you can be (mentally and physically) before falling pregnant again...
Best wishes
Xx

**threeangels** · 04-12-2007 16:24

Have been feeling quite down last few days... it's like everything has just surfaced & the impact of losing a life is leaving me feeling distraught.. I feel like a horrible person but I don't do it on purpose..I become a different human being when I'm pregnant.
Punkbaby, do you normally have low iron levels even when you're not pregnant.. could you let me know if you find out any info re: a correlation b/w preg hormones & low iron levels??