I'm new to bub hub & have finally built up the courage to post this note....I am in desperate need of advice & help.
I have recently terminated my pregnancy for the 3rd time in 4yrs. I am a happily married woman...my husband is loving & we decided to start trying for a family for the first time about 4yrs ago. At about 6wks I became quite anxious & started to worry & panic about everything... I had severe morning sickness.... all day long & by about 9wks I was considering terminating the pregnancy... I sought counselling but nothing could change my mind....no matter what, my panic attack drove me to a termination. I was 10wks pregnant...For 12 months after that I battled with anxiety & depression.... feelings of sadness.. guilt... I was a bad person... I have a great marriage but yet I couldn't cope with the pregnancy & freaked out.... After 12 months we tried again & I got pregnant.. same thing all over again. The severe nausea & vomiting, anxiety & depression and I kept telling myself we had made the same mistake. I was devesatated at the amount of stress I must have been putting my gorgeous husband through. But despite this, & even though he tried to reassure me & talk me out of it, my panic attacks were too severe & I told myself by wk 6 that I needed to have a termination. At this point I was told by the abortion clinic that I needed to seek psychological support. I started seeing a psychologist & have been taking Zoloft for about 2 1/2 years now..We've been tackling my anxiety & a few months ago (after about 3yrs from the last termination) we decided to give it another go. I had an obstetrician involved who was aware of my history, I had my psychologist & also a psychiatrist involved. We were certain that this team of support & that the work I had put in over the past few years & the fact that I would continue on Zoloft during the pregnancy would help. At wk 7 I felt like I was going crazy, couldn't sleep, eat, work, the thoughts all came back. My psychiatrist recommended I be admitted into hosp for urgent treatment, but I panicked & booked myself in again for a termination. We are distrought & at a loss to what causes me to become like this when I fall pregnant... please is there anyone out there that can shed some light?