this is very long- sorry- I ramble a bit!
I thought that while I have some time I would sit down and share Matthew's birth...hope I get it all down before he or the twins wake up.
I'll start at the beginning... my twins were born by emergency c-section after being induced at 38 weeks- maybe sometime soon I will write up their birth story- but after their birth I really struggled with what had happened and my response to birth etc...won't really go into it now- but basically suffered with a lot of anxiety and maybe even PTSD...
fast forward a couple of years and I'm pregnant again. While I was really hoping to have another baby at some stage, I really didn't feel ready for another baby just yet- but what do you do. My DH wasn't thrilled either...anyway.
Now I know this isn't very natural- but I needed to know if I was having twins- as well as get my dates in order- so I had a scan..which came back with me being 6 weeks preg (I still think I was at least 7 weeks..) and one baby. So that was good. I contacted the Mater immediately and self referred to the Midwifery Group Practice- I'm a little involved with the Mater and so I knew that's what I wanted- I also asked for a particular midwife who I had felt a connection with on meeting her at an earlier time. I was very happy to have confirmed that I'd been accepted despite my
'vbac status'- I did really want a homebirth- but DH wasn't really keen and I just didn't need the fight- I knew that I'd be well looked after at the Mater (helps when you have family that work there..) and I knew that having my own midwife and doula would help me to be in the best environment for me to birth.
I found this pregnancy quite stressful- mainly because I knew it would be quite awful to go through labour and then possibly end up needing a c-section. In the end I came to the conclusion that I had done all I could- and that I just needed to trust my body and go with it. The chance of rupture was very minimal- and there wasn't really anything I could do to stop a rupture if it was going to happen. Of course I discussed with my midwife all the 'I won't have continuous monitoring, iv blah blah blah..) and we worked all of that out and it was all fine. I was a bit apprehensive that maybe in labour a doctor would come and put pressure on me- but after talking with my mw about those fears- I felt quite reassured (I know now though that I would have told a doctor where to go...I was very bossy in labour..)
Anyway- labour. I was 41 weeks. Got up nice and early and went for a swim- it was a lovely day and I really enjoyed being in the cool water and streching out. My mw came over mid morning to do my antenatal check, and to do the induction discussion...mainly for my DH benefit as I wasn't prepared to do really anything until after 42 weeks- other than a scan and EFM- and then only something if it was medically indicated..I had decided though that I would accept a s&s- So my mw performed that lovely task- she informed me that she didn't think I'd birth today- as my cervix still had a way to efface and it was quite rigid at the back. She said I was 1cm but she could stretch me to 3cm. I was really disappointed as I had imagined she'd examine me and tell me that I was 4cm- and that it would happen really soon. so I moped around for the rest of the day. I did have a heavy feeling for a couple of hours, but no contractions or braxton hicks all day.
The evening came and I was feeling really foul- snapping at DH and at the kids- in the end DH took the kids out to his Mum's for a bath (really weird behaviour for him) I was grateful to spend some time on my own. I had some quiet time and took the oppourtunity to do some emotional cleansing. I listened to some music and had a big sob...then I spent a bit of time journalling about how I was feeling about birthing and becoming a mum again- basically what came out was that I didn't want to birth or become a Mum again...I felt really bad for feeling that way but decided it was better to acknowledge how I was feeling rather than trap it inside and let it fester- I now know that I was just a bit scared of all the changes and whether I could handle it..
Then I decided that I would try and do something to maybe help labour along-again- not completely natural or trusting my body- i used some EPO on my cervix and gave myself an enema- though I felt ok about it at the time- now I kind of feel that I shouldn't have done that as really I wasn't trusting my body or baby to birth in it's own time (same with the s&s)- however I felt (and still do) that the thought of having to deal with the hospy again wasn't something I wanted to do- too much effort..
anyway- I decided I should lie down and have a rest- as the kids would be back and that's why they went out in the first place. At 7:40pm I had my first contraction- I knew it was for real- don't know why cause it wasn't much different to the BH I'd been having for a few weeks. 7:50 another one, 8pm another one- I then decided that I needed to burn my relaxation cd onto my mp3 player- in case I needed it for the labour. 8:12 another one- 8:18- another one- ****- they're getting closer- I got up and called Mark's Mum to make sure they were on their way home so I could get the kids in bed and then relax.
I sat on the birth ball and talked to Mark's Mum- yes, he was on his way home. She chatted on about stuff- suggesting tomorrow that we go down to the foreshore for a walk...my contractions were still coming, I could still talk through them but preferred not to- had probably 5 while we talked. Mark thankfully then turned up. He made a comment about playing golf the next day- I looked at him and informed him that I don't think he would be able to play. He said later that he knew when he walked in that I was in labour- had this look about me (which he remembered from when I was in labour with the twins.)